How to make my 8 year old feel ok with walking home from school?

[Anonymous]

Is it the walking she objects to, the walking by herself, or the fact that you might not be home? I agree with the pp that you should start gradually. Make sure that you walk home with her (not drive) on th days you pick he up. Reassure her that you will make a point of being home when she gets there. Once she's comfortable wih that, you can give her a key.

I'm a pretty free range parent, but I would want to be home when my child was expected home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/nismart2_nonfamily.pdf
DOJ report on nonfamily abducted children.

58,000 cases of non-family abduction? In 1999?

Higher than I would have thought.

I guess if you're the type to vaccinate based on risk analysis, you'd exude some caution about letting your young children walk to school unattended.

[Anonymous]

She's too young. Hire a high school kid to walk her home and stay with her until you get home

[Anonymous]

Don't discount her intuition. Ask her why she feels that about the walk home. If there is nothing specific, help her. If she has specific reasons (creepy guy, mean dog, etc) do some investigating. Read Protecting the Gift and the Gift of Fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't discount her intuition. Ask her why she feels that about the walk home. If there is nothing specific, help her. If she has specific reasons (creepy guy, mean dog, etc) do some investigating. Read Protecting the Gift and the Gift of Fear.

Please don't. What a bunch of Carolyn Hax hogwash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't discount her intuition. Ask her why she feels that about the walk home. If there is nothing specific, help her. If she has specific reasons (creepy guy, mean dog, etc) do some investigating. Read Protecting the Gift and the Gift of Fear.

Please don't. What a bunch of Carolyn Hax hogwash.

Specifically, it was published in 1999 which means it was written in the mid-1990s. Crime statistics are nowhere near what they were then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you start by meeting her halfway? Are there other children who walk, or who might also walk if she walked? Could she ride her bike?

To the PP at 14:53, when I was in elementary school, before cable TV, every kid walked, starting in kindergarten. Every kid. If you had said to the parents that an 8-year-old is not old enough to walk 10 blocks on her own, their jaws would have dropped in astonishment.

Really? Was it uphills both ways? In the snow?

I think you are romanticizing the past just a wee bit much. For one thing, not every kid walked -- many rode buses. For another, we didn't walk alone. We did it in groups. It's the "alone" bit that is the flaw in your rather simplistic comment.

The parents of yore were not particularly wise, anyway. I mean, there used to be smoking lounges for students at high schools. And there was forced busing. You really want to argue the imaginary virtue of doing things their way?

I am this PP. I did not say this to show how much I suffered. (I didn't suffer.) I said this to show that it used to be the norm. Because it was.

And yes, every kid walked. There were no kids who took the school bus to my school.

And actually, kids did walk alone. Maybe there weren't other kids on their street, maybe their friends lived in a different direction, maybe they liked to walk alone.

Are you going to argue that elementary school kids walking by themselves is like high school kids smoking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you start by meeting her halfway? Are there other children who walk, or who might also walk if she walked? Could she ride her bike?

To the PP at 14:53, when I was in elementary school, before cable TV, every kid walked, starting in kindergarten. Every kid. If you had said to the parents that an 8-year-old is not old enough to walk 10 blocks on her own, their jaws would have dropped in astonishment.

Really? Was it uphills both ways? In the snow?

I think you are romanticizing the past just a wee bit much. For one thing, not every kid walked -- many rode buses. For another, we didn't walk alone. We did it in groups. It's the "alone" bit that is the flaw in your rather simplistic comment.

The parents of yore were not particularly wise, anyway. I mean, there used to be smoking lounges for students at high schools. And there was forced busing. You really want to argue the imaginary virtue of doing things their way?

I am this PP. I did not say this to show how much I suffered. (I didn't suffer.) I said this to show that it used to be the norm. Because it was.

And yes, every kid walked. There were no kids who took the school bus to my school.

And actually, kids did walk alone. Maybe there weren't other kids on their street, maybe their friends lived in a different direction, maybe they liked to walk alone.

Are you going to argue that elementary school kids walking by themselves is like high school kids smoking?

I'm trying to argue that the risk perspective parents had a generation ago is not virtuous. You seem to be arguing the contrary. It's implied in your statement that because our parents allowed kindergartenders to walk to school alone (I call BS on this, by the way, but I digress) and would roll their eyes at our attitudes now that their way was superior. I'm merely providing evidence to the contrary.

Or, are you not making the argument that their way was better? Because that's not clear from your assertion.

Personally, I think I'm a better parent than my parents were. I think many of us are. So, I'm always puzzled by these people who come in with arguments like, "well, when I was a kid we didn't have car seats, we crawled around in the back of the family station wagon and built forts with blankets and we didn't die." As if they think that's some kind of compelling argument.

So, which is it? You really think our parents had it right? Because I (clearly) beg to differ. Our parents were fucking idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids walk home by themselves and have for the past two years, as well. They are 11 and 8, and started at 9 and 6. It isn't 10 blocks, though. It's 5. There is a crossing guard half-way. Many children in our neighborhood walk together or walk at the same time.

10 blocks is too far. That's a lot for an 8 year old.

If you insist on her doing this. I would bribe her. Every time she does it successfully, she gets a treat. I would also offer her a cheap, throw away cell phone to carry.

This is terrible advice.

You want her to walk home for your convenience, not hers. Find another way to foster independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/nismart2_nonfamily.pdf
DOJ report on nonfamily abducted children.

58,000 cases of non-family abduction? In 1999?

Higher than I would have thought.

I guess if you're the type to vaccinate based on risk analysis, you'd exude some caution about letting your young children walk to school unattended.

That's because the number doesn't mean what you think it means. Non-family abduction means "(1) An episode in which a nonfamily perpetrator takes a child by the use of physical force or threat of bodily harm or detains the child for a substantial period of time (at least 1 hour) in an isolated place by the use of physical force or threat of bodily harm without lawful authority or parental permission, or (2) an episode in which a child younger than 15 or mentally incompetent, and without lawful authority or parental permission, is taken or detained or voluntarily accompanies a nonfamily perpetrator who conceals the child’s whereabouts, demands ransom, or expresses the intention to keep the child permanently."

34,000 of the 58,200 cases (59%) were of children ages 15-17. 47,100 of the 58,200 cases (81%) were of children ages 12-17.

60% of non-family abductions were by people the child knew.

How many "stereotypical kidnappings"? 115.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you walk to the school and meet her and walk home with her? Sounds pleasant to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm trying to argue that the risk perspective parents had a generation ago is not virtuous. You seem to be arguing the contrary. It's implied in your statement that because our parents allowed kindergartenders to walk to school alone (I call BS on this, by the way, but I digress) and would roll their eyes at our attitudes now that their way was superior. I'm merely providing evidence to the contrary.

Or, are you not making the argument that their way was better? Because that's not clear from your assertion.

Personally, I think I'm a better parent than my parents were. I think many of us are. So, I'm always puzzled by these people who come in with arguments like, "well, when I was a kid we didn't have car seats, we crawled around in the back of the family station wagon and built forts with blankets and we didn't die." As if they think that's some kind of compelling argument.

So, which is it? You really think our parents had it right? Because I (clearly) beg to differ. Our parents were fucking idiots.

Yes, kindergarteners walked to school by themselves. I was there. Ask anybody aged 45 or older.

And yes, our parents (or, in any case, my parents) had it right, when it comes to walking to school.

The risk of riding around in cars without a carseat is huge. Car seats have caused a tremendous decline in the number of children who die in car accidents. Meanwhile, the benefit of not using a carseat is small.

The risk of smoking is huge. Lung cancer is declining now that much fewer people smoke. Meanwhile, the benefit of smoking is small.

The risk of walking to school is -- well, what is it? Did lots and lots of elementary school kids used to get abducted while walking to and from school? Has the number declined now that children no longer walk anywhere by themselves? If you can find some numbers, I'd love to see them. Meanwhile, the benefit of walking to school is large. Kids get exercise, kids learn independence, kids don't have to have somebody drive them everywhere, and there's less traffic.

[Anonymous]

I think you should respect her feelings, since she doesn't HAVE to walk home alone. You, or an older sibling, could walk her home.

[Anonymous]

Yes, kindergarteners walked to school by themselves. I was there. Ask anybody aged 45 or older.

And yes, our parents (or, in any case, my parents) had it right, when it comes to walking to school.

The risk of riding around in cars without a carseat is huge. Car seats have caused a tremendous decline in the number of children who die in car accidents. Meanwhile, the benefit of not using a carseat is small.

he risk of smoking is huge. Lung cancer is declining now that much fewer people smoke. Meanwhile, the benefit of smoking is small.

The risk of walking to school is -- well, what is it? Did lots and lots of elementary school kids used to get abducted while walking to and from school? Has the number declined now that children no longer walk anywhere by themselves? If you can find some numbers, I'd love to see them. Meanwhile, the benefit of walking to school is large. Kids get exercise, kids learn independence, kids don't have to have somebody drive them everywhere, and there's less traffic.

1+. About half the kids in my elementary school walked from K on up too (and I am a mere 37 yrs old). And I was here (in Bethesda) back then too. Completely typical.

Also agree that unlike all the other examples of "oh we are so much better parents than our parents," there seems to be zero evidence that walking home a 1/2 mile is detrimental to kids. And the benefits seem clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't offer advice because you and I fundamentally disagree. I think and 8 year old third grade girl is NOT old enough to walk 10 blocks each day on her own. And she's also not old enough to come home to a house that is empty.

I empathize however, with the difficulty in trying to encourage more independence when your child doesn't feel ready.

Sorry, OP, I agree with this poster. It's too dangerous and I don't even know where you live. We didn't even let our daughter walk to high school (there was a bus, but sometimes she wanted to walk) because some patches are trail hidden from view; there's two registered sex offenders living between us and the school; and the rush hour traffic is hideous with a "me first" attitude. A friend of mine was killed while trying to walk her dog on the same route. An 8 year old is a prime target. I think you should listen to your daughter. Unfortunately, we are no longer living in the 50s-70s when it was safer to walk to school.