Think friend has dropped me - should I ask what happened?

[Anonymous]

"Your wife is a rude, abusive drunk. I know you married her because you were broke and lonely and felt you needed someone, but I have had it with your wife. If you could get her under control so she could be a civil human being we could perhaps get together as couples from time to time. Since that is unlikely, we will not be seeing you together anytime soon. There is no reason to go over the many nasty things that happened while she was too drunk to stand. We tried that already. Sorry. And good luck" : like that?

[Anonymous]

I'm OP - here's an update in case anyone is interested. I wrote this post after I had sent a last ditch email invite to my friend asking her to get together. She did not respond for several days, so I assumed she was ignoring me again. She eventually did write back and said, she did want to get together. When we were hanging out, things seemed pretty normal, so I said that she had been hard to get a hold of lately and that I wondered if I had offended her in some way or if there was something else going on. She was genuinely shocked and apologized and said it was nothing like that and she was sorry that I thought it. She sent me an email later and thanked me for feeling comfortable enough to bring it up. So, long story short - she had not dropped me at all. I still think that I've drifted to outer circle friend where maybe we used to be inner circle but at least know I know there is nothing intentional going on. I feel so much better and am so glad I asked. Obviously, there could have been a very different outcome but am happy with what we got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever this happens it usually turns out the dumper is:

1. a snob
2. jealous
3. Is depressed or in crisis and is only hanging out with people she feels comfortable with
4. Mistook something you said as offensive

I'd just leave them alone even if it was number 4 because that usually indicates you have bad communication anyway. Sometimes insecure people take everything the wrong way.

Wow. Thanks for this insight into the workings of the mind of the dumpee.

[Anonymous]

OP - thanks for the update and good for you! It sounds so refreshingly mature and thoughtful. Glad it worked out well.

Friendships can wax and wane over time for any number of reasons that aren't about the individuals so perhaps you'll discover some natural cycle with this friendship or circle. But in the meantime at least you cleared the air and it was friendly and respectful.

[Anonymous]

I have dropped a friend, and it's because over time I got tired of her catty comments about other women and she had said some hurtful things to me that was par for how she treats people.

When I cut her out, I ceased texting, emailing, calling, and Facebook. I wish I hadn't, because she went batshit crazy and called me off the hook, asked mutual friends to message me, texted me, etc. She tried every means of communication to contact me, and I was honestly surprised. It was when I realized our friendship was not based on mutual respect for eachother, it was about her need to bitch about other women and feel some sort of power over me by criticizing my life, my relationship, and my choices. I think when she lost that "power" it caused her to have a little breakdown. I don't regret it, in retrospect I realize I didn't owe her anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever this happens it usually turns out the dumper is:

1. a snob
2. jealous
3. Is depressed or in crisis and is only hanging out with people she feels comfortable with
4. Mistook something you said as offensive

I'd just leave them alone even if it was number 4 because that usually indicates you have bad communication anyway. Sometimes insecure people take everything the wrong way.

Maybe the dumper is just BORED. I've dumped someone because she was so boring. No sense of humor, always tired, not very talkative, and generally low energy. What am I supposed to say? You bore me and I'd rather watch paint dry than ever hang with you again?