tips for enduring the extended family beach house week?
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Anonymous
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Make sure everyone pays their fair share. It is very unfair when people look to the family who makes the most to pick up the tab for the house, food, etc.
We did a house a few years ago and will never do it again. Too many different personalities, cheap siblings, etc. We go to the beach every year now and we tell all of the families where/when we are going and if they would like to get a house and join us, it would be a lot of fun. We have also found very large houses and said the price is XXX for each family if you want to split a house. Shockingly when they find out they have to pay for their own house or pay for a share of ours, they are too busy to go. BTW, before I get slammed on here, we are not wealthy, we just budget for the vacation and spend wisely throughout the year so we can afford 1 beach vacation a year. |
Anonymous
Not the PP, but this sounds a lot like our annual week at the beach with my in-laws. We do have kids who mess things up  but most of our beach activities (hanging out at the beach, hanging out at the pool) are pretty kid friendly, and the cousins are all around the same age so we actually get a bit of a break when they all run off and play together.
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Anonymous
| Reading this thread makes me feel envious. Both DH's and my families have no interest in spending time together and would never do anything like this. I long for family beach week. |
Anonymous
Yes, dividing up the rental cost is easy. The hard part is the groceries, etc. My SIL is SUPER strict, hovering type and she tries to impose that on my kids too. She's super strict about everything except bedtime (the one thing I'm pretty strict on) and its really hard to put my kids to bed at a decent time when her kids are up until 10. (All kids are 5 & under.) We've never done a vacation house - these are just my experiences from staying at my IL's the same time as SIL. My FIL keeps hinting we should all do the beach house thing one year. Thankfully he's waaaaay too cheap to pay for everyone (even though he's a multimillionaire) and I'm not spending my hard earned money on that kind of misery! |
Anonymous
| I seriously survived the one trip we did like this by drinking straight Gray Goose for the entire three days. But that was when my crazy SIL was still speaking to us. Now that she's not, it might be doable sober. |
Anonymous
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OP, we do this every year and it has mixed success. The good years we all take turns doing dinner; on own for breakfast and lunch; provide each other breaks but within reason (most nights together, one date night during the week, a couple other evenings where sibs or grandparents have "watched" our kids after they are asleep which entails reading in a chair while we go out for a drink, etc. Make sure other couples get the same by repaying the favor.)
The year it went badly, SIL took "make sure to take some time for yourself" superseriously and dumped her 2 bratty kids on us 24/7, spent her entire time getting mani/pedi, spa, going for long runs, out at night etc. Oh, and the drama! Oh the drama.... Now we make sure to schedule trips at a time when she can't come, so we are back to our enjoyable vacations. That year I survived, barely, due to copious alcohol consumption. So don't do that. |
Anonymous
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We go to the beach every year with my husband's family. I have to say that for many years, I was less than thrilled about it; some of the children on these trip were out of control and made things very irritating. Fortunately in our case, everyone is older now and those issues have ended.
The key is to let people do their own thing; I have friends whose families do these trips, and they are expected to do all activities together, all the time. In our case, we all do whatever we like during the day and then spend dinner together. For dinner, each family takes turns feeding the whole crowd, and a few nights we fend for ourselves or go out. As far as costs, we split the cost of the house, and then we all buy our own food, and whatever food is needed when it's our turn to feed everyone. What is tough about the family vacation is when the others involved have different parenting styles and/or when your kids are older and you are having to deal with younger kids who are loud and undisciplined. It can give you an excellent understanding of why your nieces and nephews may behave the way they do! We've also had issues with disagreements between the cousins, but they have been quickly resolved. Good luck OP! It *definitely* isn't as relaxed as going on a trip with just your own family, but it can be a good experience. My kids cherish the memories of our family beach trips. |
Anonymous
| 20:23 's advice seems perfect to me. |
Anonymous
UGH. We haven't had a vacation in three years. We can't afford it. I thought since I recently had a second job interview, I would finally be getting a job. But no. 
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Anonymous
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PP, LOVE the idea of dividing up responsibilities and costs. In fact, I would pay for the entire week if MIL would take it down a couple notches and not turn into an ill fated dictator. I can't stand the thought of it. Ah, if only DHs family would communicate effectively instead of their usual PA BS. However, we have friends that will be there at the same time, so maybe (just maybe) it might be tolerable this year. I just don't see the point of traveling south (so much hotter - yes, it is) to the "beach", where you spend most of the time in a pool! WHAT??!! I envision somehow there not being enough alcohol...... |
Anonymous
| I want to hear more details about family drama. What are the rotten things the ILs do? Any crazy reactions? Tell all! |
Anonymous
| Go into it with a positive attitude and assume you'll have fun. Your attitude will determine a lot. |
Anonymous
| PP here. I could tell all, but it would take too much space and time. Besides, the passive aggressiveness of DHs family would somehow make me sound like the bad guy - they have it mastered. They have this smug, I dare you aura about them. I have opted out for the last several years, doing projects at home or going away with my girlfriends instead. |
Anonymous
| We rent a house in the Caribbean that comes with staff. Grandparents, kids, and grandkids can all relax. |
Anonymous
| I used to nanny for a family who got together for 2 weeks at a beach house every summer. It was not fun at all (and I wasn't even a family member!). The only way I kept my sanity (I really couldn't get good and drunk b/c I was working most of the time) was to take walks once or twice a day. Long, long walks on the beach. Sometimes the parents would let me take time off when the kids were napping or after dinner. The parents were fine but the grandparents were so overbearing. |