My mom told me that I don't keep the house clean enough

[Anonymous]

OP< I hope you are not hurt by my saying this, but your mom sounds like a bit of a b****h. She can clean herself, get over it, or not live there. You went from living in a trailer to SFH here in the DC area? Good for you! She is just jealous and putting you down. Are you sure it is worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 7 month old. I went back to work 6 months ago, and entered pumping hell. My mom moved in with us to take care of LO. She has the entire finished basement to herself. We moved into a new house after LO was born. So, I didn't have a chance to get the whole house ready while waiting for baby. Been slowly finding places for things. Small house. I had a lot of anxiety for awhile about not keeping the house clean enough. I realized that I knew my mom had another pair of eyes on us and since she had free time every night and all weekend, would judge me for not keeping a spick-and-span house. I decided two weeks ago to let go of what I perceived to be her expectations of me and just clean when I could. That has been about the same amount. I seriously clean every chance I have. I spent my one free hour cleaning last night while LO was sleeping. She doesn't sleep well on her own. That hour was a miracle. I clean every morning. I at least try to get all of the dishes done and the table/living room picked up. My husband just did the floors yesterday. Of course, the pre-baby me would have kept the house cleaner, but that's just not possible when my husband is never home and the baby is on me from the time I get home at night until almost the time I leave in the morning. We were making lots of chicken stock, so we have two crock pots on our very large dinner table. I have been so busy, I forgot they were there. Should have been put away last week when we stopped making stock. She cited those as a major issue of contention. But, there is 80% of unused table left to work with! We have a few piles of stuff, but they are rotating piles that we deal with every week. We just throw stuff in a pile in our office or on the stairs until we can deal with it in our free time.

She said to me "I come from the 'Leave It To Beaver' era. Running the household came first before anything else." She was a stay at home mom for almost 4 years. I have worked since my baby was 5 weeks old. I am not a lazy person. She has seen me put my all into taking care of my baby, my family, and my house. We all had to schedule it so that I could have 10 minutes to myself. We would have hired a housekeeper, but she would not have liked that. She does not like non-familial people. I told her that I am not a stay at home mom, so I have less time to work with. And, our house is small, so it takes time to find places for things. She said, "Your father was always bringing stuff home that I had to find a place for. And, we had a trailer, so it was harder to keep it uncluttered."

I was highly offended by her verbal assessment that I don't do enough to keep the house clean.

Tell her that she can clean it herself or shut up or move out.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your mom should move out.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her to eat shit, honestly

[Anonymous]

OP, living in your house makes her part of the family, not a guest in your home. That means she helps clean, too. She doesn't get to come in and criticize. She can wash a pot as well as you can, and better if she's home all day. I would suggest that to her. If she doesn't have anything nice to say...

[Anonymous]

Get a basket to throw your piles of stuff in, it will look less cluttered if it's contained. Try getting a basket for each room or at least one for the stiars and you can dump stuff for each room into the specified baskets and unload it once a week or whatever. Sounds like you're doing fine...life comes at you fast. I don't want to waste free time cleaning either.

[Anonymous]

OP is your mom gettin gpaid for childcare? If not, she should not be expected to clean on top of providing free nanny services.

[Anonymous]

This is why women will never advance. We fritter our time away doing menial chores that no man of comparable education and income-earning levels would ever do. Do you want to emulate your mother in every way, OP? If you want her life do what she does. If not continue to do things differently. You could easily spend 40 hours a week cleaning even a small house. But what if you put those hours into something else?

[Anonymous]

Is it a bad thing not to clean the house enough?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I see a dirty or cluttered house I judge. I don't care how busy a peron is there is no excuse but laziness. It doesn't take long to clean a house unless you let things completely go in which case it takes forever.

I edit people like this right out of my life.

+1

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your MOm has a bit of OCD and that has to be dealt with/ managed.

It's not her house.

[Anonymous]

OP, from my perspective it sounds as if your house actually is clean, just a bit disorganized still from the move and your prompt return to work. Agreed, Mom should not be criticizing you -- you have a lot on your hands already -- but clutter affects some people's mood, especially if it's not their own clutter.

Is there anything she could actually help with? Could she organize the dining room, for instance? You'd have to be confident that she wouldn't throw out important papers, of course, but even if she put the crock pots in some odd place so only she could find them, would it matter?

With a baby that young and a full-time job, your time is valuable, and you should delegate anything you can to someone else, either Mom, DH, or hired help. Right now you're the most important person in the world to your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also agree it's a generational thing. My mother told me other married women will judge me by the cleanliness of my house and that once I got married I needed to step it up (this was back on the day after I finished the bar exam and she was harping on me that my un-used for the past 3 months tv had a layer of the dust on the screen....yea mom, studying for the bar or dusting my tv, priorities there).

She's still horrified that I don't routinely wash my walls and take down on the curtains and wash and iron them every season. I've told her she's more than welcome to do these things when she visits (and she also lived with us for 6 months after my baby was born) but I just can't care. So I agree with the "if it bothers you mom, you are more than welcome to clean" sentiment.

14:12 here. I swear we have the same mom. She's said all the stuff to me that I bolded in your post! Even about how I didn't clean enough while I studied for the bar.

[Anonymous]

...and you want your judgmental mom to take care of your LO why?

My mom moved in with us to take care of my son too when he was born, and she was a loving and nurturing mom. She told me that I should choose my own priorities, she ran my house and took care of all of us to the best of her abilities.

My kids are very attached to her because she has a big heart. My husband loves and adores her and will do anything for her. In fact my mom has very close connection with each of her grand-kids, and these are grown up grand-kids too (college and hs).

What she gives out she will get in return. Keeping a clean house is not a priority right now. Taking care of your child, resting and recovering your health, taking care of your husband, and holding a job - all of these are hard enough... Once your baby is older, these things will get sorted out.

[Anonymous]

My grandma used to "pop up" just to find out how well my mom was keeping house. As a result, I don't have this problem at all. My mom vowed she would never do the same to us.