My mom told me that I don't keep the house clean enough
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Anonymous
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Yeah, the housekeeper would be more trouble that it's worth. It was so much trouble to have a repair guy come last week. And, the only reason to get a housekeeper would be to improve her opinion of me, which wouldn't be satisfied by the housekeeper. It would be worse that I paid someone to do my cleaning for me. But, it's not the cleaning that is the issue. It's the organizing. The fact that every single thing isn't always in its place. This even though I am constantly moving things around the house. That's a great suggestion to get rid of some stuff. Even though I've paired down a lot in recent years, there is always more stuff that could be gotten rid of.
I agree that I can't just go tell her to pound sand. I think we will reevaluate the situation soon anyway. My mom is looking for a job in her field while living with us. We are thinking I might SAH when she gets job. I think that we should explore alternative living arrangements when that happens, because living with a parent as an adult is hard. |
Anonymous
| If she wants it clean then she can clean it herself! |
Anonymous
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She sounds very proud of the way she kept her own house and with that she assumed that you would follow exactly in her footsteps. My mother is the same way. It's a generational thing. My parents have enough money for a housekeeper and although my mother complains about housework and what she needs to do that she just can't get around to, she can't bring herself to hire help-- like you're mother she's wary of non-familial people. My father is the same way. He has no carpenter/electrician/plumbing license nor training but he can somehow do the work better than all three. Go figure.
Don't get too hooked on her opinions. She's your mother and she can't help herself and she's not going to change. You'll never win unless you threaten to throw her out and control how much she gets to see her grandchildren and that can get a lot meaner than a nitpicky lady who can't shut-up about the state of your home. What if you just nod a smile, tune her out and yes her to death/ Or, as other posters have suggested, if it really gets out of hand, leave a bucket of cleaning supplies outside her door and tell her that she wins, she is a MUCH better housekeeper than you are and could ever be, you are the first to admit your own faults, and with that, you trust her to do a much better job than you could ever do.  That said, if she is so against a housekeeper, offer her money to do the work (sounds like she LOVES housekeeping anyway no?)
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Anonymous
Tell her to take it up with Gloria Steinem. |
Anonymous
| Mother knows best |
Anonymous
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Your baby is only a baby once. Enjoy this time as best you can. Is your baby fed, clean, comfortable and happy? How are you feeling? Are you healthy, mentally and physically?
Really, this is an incredibly stressful time for you...just focus on you and your baby...those are your priorities. The house stuff can wait, honestly. You truly can't do it all, nor should you be expected to. Tell your mom that you have different expectations and priorities. Hire a cleaning crevice if it bothers you, but tell your mom to put up or shut up. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I would feel hopping mad, too, OP. My mother has said this and other, much more terrible things.
Congratulations on keeping it all together: work, husband, baby, house, and mother! Nobody except her will judge you for the state of your house, which sounds pretty tidy by your description of it anyway! My apartment was MUCH worse when I went back to work, let me tell you! You need your mother out of your house really, because she will never stop harping on the subject and you have enough stress to manage without that little extra. In the meantime, tell her you are very happy as you are, and repeat ad nauseam. |
Anonymous
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My house is a mess. I have two toddlers -one of whom is sn- and I'm in grad school. I try to keep it from looking like the next episode of Hoarders, but spotless it's not.
When my mother makes comments, I tell her if it bothers her so much then she's more than welcome to come over and clean. Usually shuts her right up. |
Anonymous
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Does your mom rely on you for housing? Are you really doing her a favor here?
Sounds like if it wasn't this it would be something else. I love my mom but I could not imagine living with her now. It's your house- hire a cleaner if you want to. I would. You sound tired enough. Having a new baby and going back to work is difficult enough as it is. Mom could get used to it. She probably never had one before. Let her boss the hosuecleaner around with her leave it to beaver advice (did they really clean the house in a big skirt and heels?) |
Anonymous
She is getting free child care and her mother should not have to live on filth or clean up after her daughter and. SIL. Hire a maid, OP and.stop whining. |
Anonymous
| If I go into a dirty house, you can bet I judgek |
Anonymous
 
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Anonymous
| If I see a dirty or cluttered house I judge. I don't care how busy a peron is there is no excuse but laziness. It doesn't take long to clean a house unless you let things completely go in which case it takes forever. |
Anonymous
I edit people like this right out of my life. |