Do men ever get starved for affection?

[Anonymous]

Man here.
Yeah, we do. I'm dating a woman now who often makes me feel like I'm hanging out with another guy. I don't doubt that she has really strong feelings, but she is horrible at showing them. We've talked about it, and she attributes it to being raised by parents who were that way. Even holding hands feels weird with her.

[Anonymous]

Men need affection. DH here. DW is not affectionate. Instead, she is controlling. She views telling me what to do / eat as affection. The only physical contact I get is from the dog, when I get home from work, the dog is always happy to see me.

As an example, when I am not feeling well, instead of being sympathetic or understanding, she tells me I need to walk more. The reason why I do not feel well is pain from cancer and surgeries. And when I had cardiac issues (and knew it) while on vacation, everyone else saw what was going on. My wife saw me being lazy in refusing to walk over the dunes caring things. (I was very close to a fatal heart attack).

Honestly, I would leave my marriage, except I don't see the point. And there are plenty of women out that that would love to give affection. I have not really pursued anything, though I get a lot of flirting. And for me it is about feeling valued....I can't do the things around the house, and we seem to spend everything I make so we can't hire people to do things. I would love something like a back rub...a kiss...a snuggle. It sucks to be like this, as I do not think I am old, but my body is (I am 50).

Personally, sex is currently pretty much off the table....at least in conventional manners, as I can not do the motions (I can be ready, but, sex puts a lot of stress on the abdomen), and it hurts for days. Oral and hands are fine.

[Anonymous]

Generally, women seem to need overt expressions of affection more than men.

Men need for overt affection may be less, but it is there nonetheless. If they are not getting it they will feel as despondent about it as women do.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a little sad but I have to add that my dh can't accept any slight affection with out carrying it all the way. If I even breeze past past him and touch him lightly it must end in hours of sex. It's one extreme or the other. There is no casual touching for us. It's all or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a little sad but I have to add that my dh can't accept any slight affection with out carrying it all the way. If I even breeze past past him and touch him lightly it must end in hours of sex. It's one extreme or the other. There is no casual touching for us. It's all or nothing.

OMG!!! This is us to the T(DW here)...Every.Single.Touch must end with sex and I resent that...Sometimes I just want to give affection without him jumping on me for sex but NO...IT has to be sex..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a little sad but I have to add that my dh can't accept any slight affection with out carrying it all the way. If I even breeze past past him and touch him lightly it must end in hours of sex. It's one extreme or the other. There is no casual touching for us. It's all or nothing.

OMG!!! This is us to the T(DW here)...Every.Single.Touch must end with sex and I resent that...Sometimes I just want to give affection without him jumping on me for sex but NO...IT has to be sex..

DH here. I got a lecture on pretty much exactly that last night. Here is the thing - I engage in nonsexual touch with her all the time. I engage with her without touching at all. And, I also try to have some touch be sexual. But, she apparently only registers the sexual touch and does so in a negative way. Somehow the nonsexual touch doesn't register. Consequently, she pulls away -- leaving me even more starved for her touch; sexual and nonsexual. So, when she gives me a little bit, I'm like a fucking dog who doesn't know when his next meal is coming. And that desperation is deeply unsexy; makes her feel even more pressure.

So, now, to break the cycle, I feel like I'm going to have to completely withdraw all initiation of sexual affection. My fear is that, rather than making her more comfortable with touching me and feeling less pressured, this will leave her free to just "forget" about engaging me sexually at all. Eventually, I'll be one of those basket cases who posts here after having gone months and years without having sex with their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here.
Yeah, we do. I'm dating a woman now who often makes me feel like I'm hanging out with another guy. I don't doubt that she has really strong feelings, but she is horrible at showing them. We've talked about it, and she attributes it to being raised by parents who were that way. Even holding hands feels weird with her.

I'm female. Affection makes me feel weird due to my upbringing. I still get starved for affection, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here.
Yeah, we do. I'm dating a woman now who often makes me feel like I'm hanging out with another guy. I don't doubt that she has really strong feelings, but she is horrible at showing them. We've talked about it, and she attributes it to being raised by parents who were that way. Even holding hands feels weird with her.

I was like that. My family is not affectionate and we show love by doing things for each other, so I thought that was sufficient. My first boyfriend is the one who changed me for the better and now I love cuddling and kissing, but it was odd at first.

[Anonymous]

you people need therapy!

[Anonymous]

I'm single and I've dated guys who were definitely starved for affection. It was very sweet - I'm more used to dating guys who are the opposite extreme - but it can be confusing and hurtful if the guy is being very affectionate with you but doesn't want anything deeper from you than a short-term relationship. Being very affectionate, as a man OR a woman, can send the message that you like the person a lot and are in it for the long haul. Better to keep a little more distance if you're not sure what you want from the person.