First ever theatric motion picture about Stillbirth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

There is a HUGE lack of research into the causes and prevention of stillbirths. There has been a ton of money and research into SIDS prevention but not pregnancy loss. The statistics are truly staggering...

I hope you never have to suffer the loss of a full term child like my very close friend did earlier this year, but maybe if you did, you would feel very differently about this film. People suffering from this type of grief feel alone and isolated because people like YOU would rather ignore the issue, pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it doesn't happen to you. What's so wrong with wanting to bring awareness to this issue anyway?

I find it very sad that in an educated area like DC, people are still willing to be so ignorant about some things...

Thank you!

-Mother of a stillborn baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

There is a HUGE lack of research into the causes and prevention of stillbirths. There has been a ton of money and research into SIDS prevention but not pregnancy loss. The statistics are truly staggering...

I hope you never have to suffer the loss of a full term child like my very close friend did earlier this year, but maybe if you did, you would feel very differently about this film. People suffering from this type of grief feel alone and isolated because people like YOU would rather ignore the issue, pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it doesn't happen to you. What's so wrong with wanting to bring awareness to this issue anyway?

I find it very sad that in an educated area like DC, people are still willing to be so ignorant about some things...

Look, I'm not saying don't make this movie, I'm just saying I won't watch it. And it's not beuase I'm this dick you want me to be, or that I want to ignore it. People are different and there's a LOT of info out there about all of the 6 trillion things that can happen to ruin your life every day - in pregnancy and not. Would you like to watch a real life documentary about a gruesome plane crash that happened to the airline you are flying, in weather exactly like you are flying in? Would you like your seatmate to sit next to you on a flight, during a storm, and tell you, once you are in the air and can't do anything about it, that statistically, airplanes are 4 times more likely to crash in a thunderstorm than not? Well, I'm pregnant. I'm aware of my risks. I don't want my seatmate whispering in my ear, as I try to be calm and take care of my life and other child, that my baby has a 1 in 200 chance of being stillborn. I just don't. And it's unreasonable not to understand that. So make the movie and I wish you good luck. My heart truly, truly, truly goes out to people who have suffered these losses. Like you, PP, I have some close friends who have been there. Maybe that is something that makes me even more sensitive to the issue than I should be - I am ALREADY WORRIED SICK about things that could go wrong. Do you not understand that some women feel this way? And that it's not a slam on anyone who has suffered it that I don't want to spend my pregnancy scared that it will happen to me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

There is a HUGE lack of research into the causes and prevention of stillbirths. There has been a ton of money and research into SIDS prevention but not pregnancy loss. The statistics are truly staggering...

I hope you never have to suffer the loss of a full term child like my very close friend did earlier this year, but maybe if you did, you would feel very differently about this film. People suffering from this type of grief feel alone and isolated because people like YOU would rather ignore the issue, pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it doesn't happen to you. What's so wrong with wanting to bring awareness to this issue anyway?

I find it very sad that in an educated area like DC, people are still willing to be so ignorant about some things...

Look, I'm not saying don't make this movie, I'm just saying I won't watch it. And it's not beuase I'm this dick you want me to be, or that I want to ignore it. People are different and there's a LOT of info out there about all of the 6 trillion things that can happen to ruin your life every day - in pregnancy and not. Would you like to watch a real life documentary about a gruesome plane crash that happened to the airline you are flying, in weather exactly like you are flying in? Would you like your seatmate to sit next to you on a flight, during a storm, and tell you, once you are in the air and can't do anything about it, that statistically, airplanes are 4 times more likely to crash in a thunderstorm than not? Well, I'm pregnant. I'm aware of my risks. I don't want my seatmate whispering in my ear, as I try to be calm and take care of my life and other child, that my baby has a 1 in 200 chance of being stillborn. I just don't. And it's unreasonable not to understand that. So make the movie and I wish you good luck. My heart truly, truly, truly goes out to people who have suffered these losses. Like you, PP, I have some close friends who have been there. Maybe that is something that makes me even more sensitive to the issue than I should be - I am ALREADY WORRIED SICK about things that could go wrong. Do you not understand that some women feel this way? And that it's not a slam on anyone who has suffered it that I don't want to spend my pregnancy scared that it will happen to me?

Gosh, spending your pregnancy worried sick is ALMOST as bad as experiencing this type of grief. You've made it clear you "don't support" this anyway, so why the emotional responses??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

There is a HUGE lack of research into the causes and prevention of stillbirths. There has been a ton of money and research into SIDS prevention but not pregnancy loss. The statistics are truly staggering...

I hope you never have to suffer the loss of a full term child like my very close friend did earlier this year, but maybe if you did, you would feel very differently about this film. People suffering from this type of grief feel alone and isolated because people like YOU would rather ignore the issue, pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it doesn't happen to you. What's so wrong with wanting to bring awareness to this issue anyway?

I find it very sad that in an educated area like DC, people are still willing to be so ignorant about some things...

Look, I'm not saying don't make this movie, I'm just saying I won't watch it. And it's not beuase I'm this dick you want me to be, or that I want to ignore it. People are different and there's a LOT of info out there about all of the 6 trillion things that can happen to ruin your life every day - in pregnancy and not. Would you like to watch a real life documentary about a gruesome plane crash that happened to the airline you are flying, in weather exactly like you are flying in? Would you like your seatmate to sit next to you on a flight, during a storm, and tell you, once you are in the air and can't do anything about it, that statistically, airplanes are 4 times more likely to crash in a thunderstorm than not? Well, I'm pregnant. I'm aware of my risks. I don't want my seatmate whispering in my ear, as I try to be calm and take care of my life and other child, that my baby has a 1 in 200 chance of being stillborn. I just don't. And it's unreasonable not to understand that. So make the movie and I wish you good luck. My heart truly, truly, truly goes out to people who have suffered these losses. Like you, PP, I have some close friends who have been there. Maybe that is something that makes me even more sensitive to the issue than I should be - I am ALREADY WORRIED SICK about things that could go wrong. Do you not understand that some women feel this way? And that it's not a slam on anyone who has suffered it that I don't want to spend my pregnancy scared that it will happen to me?

Gosh, spending your pregnancy worried sick is ALMOST as bad as experiencing this type of grief. You've made it clear you "don't support" this anyway, so why the emotional responses??

Not the PP you quoted, but OMFG, grow up. If you feel like your family and friends aren't honoring your grief appropriately, take it up with them, not a bunch of strangers.

[Anonymous]

Where and when?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need a movie to tell me how devastating and awful it would be for a family to endure.

+1 I have a very close friend who lost her first child at 23 weeks, quite unexpectedly, then lost her second at 18 weeks (that's still miscarriage apparently). Then a family member with an 18 week loss. Another couple lost a baby at 40 weeks - completely blindsided by it.

My feelings? Pregnant women are BOMBARDED with a sense of their risks. You can't escape it. My first pregnancy was just about ruined with fear. That Jennifer Aniston movie about the dog was released with a big miscarriage scene, then the Washington post released an article about how "common" stillbirth is (without differentiating 20 week loss from term losses, without differentiating any of the scenarios where there are known issues vs. parents blindsided) about 1 week before I gave birth. I found these things nearly paralyzing. They absolutely, positively got in my head and diminished my joy about pregnancy, interfered with my sleep.

You can't open a pregnancy book without seeing a break down of your risks. And the fact that people are apparently not talking about still birth? What do you want people to do? I do NOT want my providers to start listing the things that could happen to me. I do NOT want more risks thrown in my face. I have enough trouble with perspective as it is.

So I'm not sure who the target audience is here, and what exactly the film hopes to accomplish. Is it just help for people to understand the plight of those who suffer this? Well, I don't think it takes much more than just hearing that it happened to someone for most of our hearts to break for the couple.

If there is a lack of research into this subject, or a lack of awareness among ob / gyn / midwife / birth providers, then maybe there's use here - but is that the case? Is the idea that more awareness can help bring a cure? Or is this just a parent's need to share grief? I can understand that, I really can, but at the same time, I don't agree that we have to support that. I think it is a net negative in the fears and worries that it causes. So if the movie is there, fine, people can choose whether or not to watch. BUT, if the movie is something that is supposed to drive "awareness" - i.e. simply more people knowing this could happen to them or that more people should be talking about this, I'm not in support of that. Because it's just more forced consumption of all of the monsters hiding under the pregnancy bed and many of us are already having trouble sleeping.

OP, all of this said, I'm very sorry for your experience. I hope you find peace.

There is a HUGE lack of research into the causes and prevention of stillbirths. There has been a ton of money and research into SIDS prevention but not pregnancy loss. The statistics are truly staggering...

I hope you never have to suffer the loss of a full term child like my very close friend did earlier this year, but maybe if you did, you would feel very differently about this film. People suffering from this type of grief feel alone and isolated because people like YOU would rather ignore the issue, pretend it doesn't exist, and hope it doesn't happen to you. What's so wrong with wanting to bring awareness to this issue anyway?

I find it very sad that in an educated area like DC, people are still willing to be so ignorant about some things...

Look, I'm not saying don't make this movie, I'm just saying I won't watch it. And it's not beuase I'm this dick you want me to be, or that I want to ignore it. People are different and there's a LOT of info out there about all of the 6 trillion things that can happen to ruin your life every day - in pregnancy and not. Would you like to watch a real life documentary about a gruesome plane crash that happened to the airline you are flying, in weather exactly like you are flying in? Would you like your seatmate to sit next to you on a flight, during a storm, and tell you, once you are in the air and can't do anything about it, that statistically, airplanes are 4 times more likely to crash in a thunderstorm than not? Well, I'm pregnant. I'm aware of my risks. I don't want my seatmate whispering in my ear, as I try to be calm and take care of my life and other child, that my baby has a 1 in 200 chance of being stillborn. I just don't. And it's unreasonable not to understand that. So make the movie and I wish you good luck. My heart truly, truly, truly goes out to people who have suffered these losses. Like you, PP, I have some close friends who have been there. Maybe that is something that makes me even more sensitive to the issue than I should be - I am ALREADY WORRIED SICK about things that could go wrong. Do you not understand that some women feel this way? And that it's not a slam on anyone who has suffered it that I don't want to spend my pregnancy scared that it will happen to me?

Gosh, spending your pregnancy worried sick is ALMOST as bad as experiencing this type of grief. You've made it clear you "don't support" this anyway, so why the emotional responses??

Wow, my response was because I don't enjoy being made to feel like some kind of complete jerk because I don't want to see a movie that puts my risk for stillbirth front and center despite the fact that I can do nothing about it. And because I don't want to dwell on every risk. And spending my entire pregnancy worried sick does NOT HAVE TO EQUAL any other grief or trouble for it to be something I am justified in avoiding. What is wrong with you? I can sympathize with your grief, but putting me through the wringer here is probably not going to make it better. I think you're looking to vent, and I don't understand why I've become your target. I'm sorry if you feel isolated or your friend felt isolated. I did my best to support my friends who dealt with pain this way. I didn't shy away from them or talking to them about it, and as hard as it would have been for me if it happened to them while I was pregnant, I would not have shied away even if pregnant. But I'm going to draw the line at some rando on the internet calling me out on jerkiness because she thinks I can somehow reduce the weight of the world's stillborn grief by what, watching a movie? I wish it were that simple but it's not. My watching the movie won't make it hurt less for anyone else, and I have a right not to want to have every risk thrown in my face at every turn. And one does not preclude the other.

[Anonymous]

Infants are just so innocent and the loss of one would be so devastating, I just can't see myself wanting to experience a film about it. For those healing from this, I could see it being a helpful tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Infants are just so innocent and the loss of one would be so devastating, I just can't see myself wanting to experience a film about it. For those healing from this, I could see it being a helpful tool.

This film is about pre-infants. No doubt devestating beyond words. I don't plan to shy away from the film.

[Anonymous]

Pre-infants. Huh.

NP here. I guess I might have had that mentality (though I certainly wouldn't have used the word) before my son was still-born. When you're holding your dead baby in your arms, he is not a pre-infant. He has his brother's eyes, and his mom's hair, and his Dad's fingers and there's nothing "pre-infant" about that.

Mine was my second child, and the labor and delivery were exactly the same but with such grief and stillness filling the room.

It has been almost a decade. I won't watch this film in a theater, but yes, I would order it at home where I could sob freely. And I could only do that now, all these years later. Any sooner and it would be what grief counselors call secondary trauma.

Movies and books examine the human experience and this is one of them. I'm not offended by the subject matter.

[Anonymous]

Where is the movie??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the movie??

The movie is not available yet- it needs to generate buzz behind it to ensure it gets distributed. People can pledge to go see it and that will increase the likelihood of distribution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the movie??

The movie is not available yet- it needs to generate buzz behind it to ensure it gets distributed. People can pledge to go see it and that will increase the likelihood of distribution.

They should just air it on Lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the movie??

The movie is not available yet- it needs to generate buzz behind it to ensure it gets distributed. People can pledge to go see it and that will increase the likelihood of distribution.

They should just air it on Lifetime.

Should terms of Endearment, Sophie's Choice etc. etc. have been rlegated to Lifetime or something similar? What are you trying to say?

[Anonymous]

I hope that the movie generates interest in a very under researched topic.

I think that most people feel that they can understand how tragic a loss a stillborn baby is but most people have no skills to comfort or care for someone who experiences this kind of loss. I think that many of the comments are evidence of this.

I think that the movie could help remove some of stigma of stillbirth and maybe it would force people to think about stillbirth differently.

Did you know that in many states a full term stillborn baby receives no birth certificate. Not even a birth certificate for a stillborn baby ... A baby that was alive and perfectly healthy for 9 months and unexpectedly dies even just moments before she is born is only considered dead in our society. A baby that is born preterm and takes a breath before passing even at just 23 weeks is given a birth certificate. While many feel that they understand the tragedy of the loss I think this is just an example of how complex the issue is for those dealing with the loss.

I think everyone has a right to see or not see any movie. I just think that the line of responses to this movie was unfortunate and clearly shows the value of a movie like this to start a healthy honest conversation about the topic.

In many ways I think it is natural to shy away from seeing a movie like this, it will obviously be very sad. And many people who suffer this kind of loss often find that people are so fearful of the loss or unaware of how to act that they completely shy away from talking about it. Many people will not even acknowledge the loss - only adding to the grief of the parents.

If the movie helps us a society to appreciate this loss and be more comfortable with the sadness associated with the loss I think it would be worth some of the pain.

Many may also be surprised to know that while the grief is extremely hard for parents to deal with and the loss never goes away there are many amazing stories of how parents honor their child's memory and find blessings I'm their life that they never would have known before their baby died.