Husband's daughter special needs....question/vent

[Anonymous]

I think there is a LOT more to the story than the hygiene and I am starting to wonder if this is normal hygienic changes that occur in puberty as PP pointed out or if OP really hates the mom and is trying to find a way to sue for sole custody. I don't know, something about this post isn't sitting right with me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the mother is suffering from depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you are superior mom and woman. Feel better now?

But seriously, if your DH is really concerned, why doesn't he speak to his ex in a non-confrontational way and ask what he can do to help with this situation. maybe the DD is embarrassed about something personal she doesn't want her dad's help with now that she is older.

What a rude thing to say. I'm only concerned. She is developmentally 2. I know it's hard to understand the full story from what is typed here but, I'm looking for some advice...because I'm concerned. The "superior comment" is uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

She does have a history of depression. I called my mother in law...because I really don't know the ex all to well. She said, this is the ex/the mom. She is very laid back about this stuff and now that the daughter is almost 12 it is more apparent. She agreed with some of you, I can't change her. My husband can't change her. She want's her full time. We can keep her clean when we have her, follow the routine the aids and teachers have shown us... and pass on helpful hints like including the tearfree shampoo...cool toothbrush, hairbrushes, easy hair bands for her hair etc...
Thank-You for the helpful supporting suggestions...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a special needs problem as well as a divorce problem. Maybe the mother is overwhelmed caring for a SN child by herself and needs some orientation and support.

I agree. It seems a lot of posters here have never dealt with a child with sensory issues for example. My 4 year old screams if I try to comb his hair. I can imagine on older, bigger child hitting puberty with developmental problems may be difficult to handle when it comes to grooming issues.

OP, your DH needs to coordinate with his ex and see if she does in fact need help, like a part time home health aide. Or maybe some in-home training to help with the routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the way, he's not a hero for visiting her once a month. Is this what you want for your child?

The fuck is wrong with you, pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a special needs problem as well as a divorce problem. Maybe the mother is overwhelmed caring for a SN child by herself and needs some orientation and support.

I agree. It seems a lot of posters here have never dealt with a child with sensory issues for example. My 4 year old screams if I try to comb his hair. I can imagine on older, bigger child hitting puberty with developmental problems may be difficult to handle when it comes to grooming issues.

OP, your DH needs to coordinate with his ex and see if she does in fact need help, like a part time home health aide. Or maybe some in-home training to help with the routine.

...thanks for the suggestion. She is a special education teacher. She has a nanny, and several babysitters. From what my MIL is saying, it's just the way the ex/mother is...very laid back on the hygiene front. So, if the daughter puts up a fuss about anything she doesn't push her. It's not the way my husband or I would handle the situation. Since, she does have a huge support system....another thought my MIL had was give it some time...some of her family will probably speak up and ask about this stuff too. And as many of you have said, now that she is 12 her hygiene issues are changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the way, he's not a hero for visiting her once a month. Is this what you want for your child?

The fuck is wrong with you, pp?

+1 ...what a mean thing to say. Once a month visitation for a out of area parent is normal. And it sounds like the family tries to go out of their way to include the special needs child on trips with a newborn and other children.

Let be nice here people, she is looking for some support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a LOT more to the story than the hygiene and I am starting to wonder if this is normal hygienic changes that occur in puberty as PP pointed out or if OP really hates the mom and is trying to find a way to sue for sole custody. I don't know, something about this post isn't sitting right with me.

To whoever wrote this, and the comment about "superior mom," you really don't belong on a special needs forum. The OP is concerned about a special needs child and wondering how to solve a problem. If you don't like the topic, maybe go to a different forum and start a thread of your own: "I'm an asshole, ask me anything."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does have a history of depression. I called my mother in law...because I really don't know the ex all to well. She said, this is the ex/the mom. She is very laid back about this stuff and now that the daughter is almost 12 it is more apparent. She agreed with some of you, I can't change her. My husband can't change her. She want's her full time. We can keep her clean when we have her, follow the routine the aids and teachers have shown us... and pass on helpful hints like including the tearfree shampoo...cool toothbrush, hairbrushes, easy hair bands for her hair etc...
Thank-You for the helpful supporting suggestions...

She may need different products the older she gets. She may need stronger soap, shampoo, etc.

[Anonymous]

What are the child's special needs? At 12, unless the disability is very severe, she should be able to take some responsibility for her own hygiene. If she is resistant to bathing for anxiety/sensory/emotional reasons or other reasons, it may not be as simple as bathing her more frequently or giving her stronger deoderant. Sometimes basic hygiene is huge physical and emotional struggle for caregivers, especially the ones who are doing it day in and day out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the child's special needs? At 12, unless the disability is very severe, she should be able to take some responsibility for her own hygiene. If she is resistant to bathing for anxiety/sensory/emotional reasons or other reasons, it may not be as simple as bathing her more frequently or giving her stronger deoderant. Sometimes basic hygiene is huge physical and emotional struggle for caregivers, especially the ones who are doing it day in and day out.

...developmentally she is 2. She loves bath time for us....love loves it!