Husband's daughter special needs....question/vent
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Anonymous
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My husband's daughter lives with her mom about 5 hours from us. My husband visits her at least once a month. He usually spends time with her near where she lives to help keep the normal routine/participate in her special classes on weekends. Blending families we try to do a couple of trips with my kids(newborn included) and his daughter a couple of times a year too. We did a trip to great wolf in january. For spring break we took all the kids to busch gardens... I need some help, I noticed his daughter seeming more and more unkept. Ok, she smells. This is new. If you stand next to her she smells. I asked my husband about it and he agrees and says he has noticed this for the last couple of months. My husband visits her class and aids several times a year and comments on the awesome routine they have with her...brush teeth, hair...etc. His ex wife tell him outside of school...don't worry about it. My early child education, tell me routine is good and you have to be consistent with it. Would anyone else be concerned with the " ...no grooming outside of school " ? Is this normal?? His daughter is almost 12. Her mom is a special education teacher...
Thoughts.. Thankyou |
Anonymous
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Why isn't your husband responsible enough to wash and groom his own child if he notices she has body odor?
I'm not trying to flame you, but there is a stunning lack of personal responsibility in your post. For both your husband and you. If you take this child for the weekend, she is your responsibility. If she smells, help her wash. Put her in the shower. Brush her hair. If you notice her becoming more and more unkempt on spring break, groom her. She's not a barbie doll in a box. |
Anonymous
| By the way, he's not a hero for visiting her once a month. Is this what you want for your child? |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's unusual for a kid -- any kid -- going through puberty to have a brief period like this. Help her with necessary changes to hygiene, as you would any kid. |
Anonymous
| ...you have misunderstood. Of course we groom her. My point is his ex telling him to not worry about grooming her on the weekends or days he has her, her comment on not keeping up with the routine outside of school and she seems unkept when we first get her... |
Anonymous
How is this a special needs problem? This is a problem with the ex. Welcome to dealing with your husband's ex. There are multiple posts like this, the problem being "My kid is filthy/hungry when I pick him/her up from my ex." It has nothing to do with special needs. |
Anonymous
I think once a month is great considering you live 5 hours from her! My ex lives closer and its only once a month and he doesn't do any kind of trip. Yes, if this is new I would also be concerned. Everything seem ok with is ex? She should know and facilitate the routine from school at home. Your husband needs to talk to his ex. |
Anonymous
Read the post! She is concerned because this is where the daughter lives full time. And she is special needs. Your husband needs to talk to his ex. I would be worried too. |
Anonymous
| I think this is a special needs problem as well as a divorce problem. Maybe the mother is overwhelmed caring for a SN child by herself and needs some orientation and support. |
Anonymous
I would love if my Ex helped out this much! And kuddos for including her on the family trips with a newborn too! I wonder why his ex isnt as concerned about her hygiene. If this is new, I would need to address too. |
Anonymous
My suggestion, have your husband address one concern at a time. And have him offer help. " I found this great shampoo she likes...here is a bottle " |
Anonymous
| Thankyou for the suggestions! Yes, I know he needs to talk to her. It's a very thin line. My husband goes as often as he can. And he provides very well. The hygiene concern...it shouldn't matter if she is special needs or not. I think it is more important. She just had a severe bacteria growing fungus. 3 months later, after getting over that and she is still dirty when we pick her up...it's not ok. ( she is clean, when he returns her!!) We all do the best we can do. I'm just worried with this new situation of her being so unclean when we first pick her up. Thanks again! |
Anonymous
| Huge red flag!! She is not being cared for correctly. |
Anonymous
I agree! |
Anonymous
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When your DH picks up his DC, is it at the end of the day? If so, my kids smell at the end of everyday. 12-16 is the worst. Sometimes my 16 y.o. smells an hour after his last shower.
Does she seem clean otherwise? Or is dirt building up? Does your DH's ex have other children and/or help with your DH's DC? If she is the sole caregiver of this child, kuddos to her - that is a very difficult row to hoe. She may need more support. Do you or your DH take her for the summer? Most of the exes I know where one has moved a fair distance away, have the children live with one parent during the school year (with minimal visitation of the other parent- similar to your DH's) and split or vacations or have the children go to the other parent's house for the summer. |