Are Independent Schools for Black Children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AA parents here. My DS went to Beauvoir. I wouldn't say any of this until he was gone from there. A couple parents made my DS and myself very uncomfortable. Society types who were always looking to call-out DS and keep their DS away from him and the other AA boys. I never let on to DS that this was an issue, but I was always on pins-and-needles for him there.

You are extremely selfish if, knowing your DS was so uncomfortable, you let him stay on over there. You should have done what was in his interest, taking him to a more acceptable school (and many have the great education that B is supposed to), rather than keep him there all so that you could tout he went there! Unbelievable

Not PP, but why is that selfish? You have a child at a school for the education, not the other parents. If the institution and teachers didn't call out her DS, why should the PP move her child? Doesn't that just make the problem worse? B becomes less diverse, and the ignorant children and parents have even more unfounded stereotypes? PP said her son didn't realize it was an issue. Therefore, he was not damaged. Shame on you for even suggesting that the poster did anything wrong! It's the kids' and other parents' problem, not the poster's or her son's.

[Anonymous]

I've seen arents of all races refuse to see behavioral problems by the child in question (e.g. White student caught cheating, parents opining that school "has ruined [child's] life" because offense was reported to colleges as per school policy), or insisting that the teachers are doing something wrong where child is underachieving. White parents are more likely just to assert these things without providing a reason, African-American parents somewhat more likely to raise the issue of racial insensitivity or bias.

It is good to care about how your child is treated, but try as hard as you can to make sure you are being honest with yourself about any real issues your child may have had. Parents who say "nobody gets treated like this except for [my kid] [this racial/ethnic group]" often don't know of many prior examples to the contrary that are correctly not publicized due to student/family privacy concerns.

[Anonymous]

It's my AA DS first year in a private and I already feel that we need to lay low and be quiet. It's not a good feeling. Quite scary actually.

[Anonymous]

17:06, I have not read in any of the post that anyone is crying victim. On the other hand, as one poster noted, certain racial/ethnic males some times walk on eggshells to avoid rocking the boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've seen arents of all races refuse to see behavioral problems by the child in question (e.g. White student caught cheating, parents opining that school "has ruined [child's] life" because offense was reported to colleges as per school policy), or insisting that the teachers are doing something wrong where child is underachieving. White parents are more likely just to assert these things without providing a reason, African-American parents somewhat more likely to raise the issue of racial insensitivity or bias.

It is good to care about how your child is treated, but try as hard as you can to make sure you are being honest with yourself about any real issues your child may have had. Parents who say "nobody gets treated like this except for [my kid] [this racial/ethnic group]" often don't know of many prior examples to the contrary that are correctly not publicized due to student/family privacy concerns.

PP what you say is somewhat true, but please know that many AA parents have dealt with the issue of race many times in their life and sometimes you just know you are not being too sensitive. As much as you want to believe that race does not factor into the situation you get that familiar gut feeling which allows you to see "what’s really going on" I don't easily dismiss these claims because as a former teacher I have seen something very close to what the other posters have described in both the public and private schools.

[Anonymous]

I am full pay but I guarantee that if I see something that doesn't feel right, I am going to address it with the school. How sad that some of the AA posters are reluctant to 'make waves' for fear of repercussions even though they have justifiable issues regardless of full pay or FA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen arents of all races refuse to see behavioral problems by the child in question (e.g. White student caught cheating, parents opining that school "has ruined [child's] life" because offense was reported to colleges as per school policy), or insisting that the teachers are doing something wrong where child is underachieving. White parents are more likely just to assert these things without providing a reason, African-American parents somewhat more likely to raise the issue of racial insensitivity or bias.

It is good to care about how your child is treated, but try as hard as you can to make sure you are being honest with yourself about any real issues your child may have had. Parents who say "nobody gets treated like this except for [my kid] [this racial/ethnic group]" often don't know of many prior examples to the contrary that are correctly not publicized due to student/family privacy concerns.

PP what you say is somewhat true, but please know that many AA parents have dealt with the issue of race many times in their life and sometimes you just know you are not being too sensitive. As much as you want to believe that race does not factor into the situation you get that familiar gut feeling which allows you to see "what’s really going on" I don't easily dismiss these claims because as a former teacher I have seen something very close to what the other posters have described in both the public and private schools.

At DS's school most of the boys expelled each year are black. Word spreads like wildfire on Face Book and people chat. Maybe the boys who were expelled due to smoking pot at school or whatever their school offense, were just unlucky or did a poor job of appearing innocent or maybe they were happy to be thrown out or maybe they weren't white.

OP, I know just how you feel, believe me you are not alone. My biggest worry is that school admin/faculty doesn't see a human when they see my son or any boy at the school who looks like him but just some dark, dangerous thing that they need to repel against. I can't believe that I wrote that but that's how I feel. PP, I guess I should work a little harder on that trust thing you mentioned and stop getting all tripped out.

I've met several families who love Potomac, they enthusiastically claim that it has a warm, inviting community, and an excellent curriculum I never considered applying after Beauvoir but now I wish I had. My DS had a wonderful Beauvoir experience, his teachers were very supportive and he had many friends. However, his more rambunctious friends didn't share his happy experience.

[Anonymous]

In a school for the elite, the rich black will be more easier accepted than the obviously poor black. An elite school is geared to the needs of the wealthy and their need for exclusiveness

[Anonymous]

I must be in a bubble or something because I don't feel this way at all toward AA children. I don't look at color or race but rather at the child and the family and whether I think they are good and nice people and a good influence on my child and whether my child has things in common with them and they enjoy each others company. My child is at Beauvoir and has several AA friends that my child adores and has forged very close friendships with. I have become friends with a few of the moms but they have never expressed feeling this to me - maybe they wouldn't tell me that. Regardless, I feel so sad for you posters that are feeling this way. I don't know what schools you are at but I have heard certain schools are much more welcoming to having a diverse community. I believe Beauvoir is one of those schools, as well as Sidwell, GDS, Maret? etc... I only hope these situations improve for you all and people get with the times!! I just read an article that 50% of babies born in this country are of Latino descent, so once again proving that this country is an ever-changing demographic and we need to focus more on our similarities than differences. That's what our children do and I have learned more from seeing through my children's eyes on this topic than anyone else and am grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

PP, it's all about fit regardless of ethnicity. For every AA male that was expelled, there are twice that number of well-qualified black males that could fill those seats. Many don't choose to come due to finances, distance, etc., but they are assuredly out there. Sometimes, well-meaning organizations represent students who appear on the surface to be to be pleasant and a possible fit but are otherwise. By that time, they are in the system, and it is difficult to get them to leave the school unless expulsion for serious offenses.

Of course, this can also apply to whites kids also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a school for the elite, the rich black will be more easier accepted than the obviously poor black. An elite school is geared to the needs of the wealthy and their need for exclusiveness

Elite black? Try and flag a cab at 1am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:06, I have not read in any of the post that anyone is crying victim. On the other hand, as one poster noted, certain racial/ethnic males some times walk on eggshells to avoid rocking the boat.

True, I'm sure, but I've seen the boat rocked plenty of times, enough to feel the wake from the shore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen arents of all races refuse to see behavioral problems by the child in question (e.g. White student caught cheating, parents opining that school "has ruined [child's] life" because offense was reported to colleges as per school policy), or insisting that the teachers are doing something wrong where child is underachieving. White parents are more likely just to assert these things without providing a reason, African-American parents somewhat more likely to raise the issue of racial insensitivity or bias.

It is good to care about how your child is treated, but try as hard as you can to make sure you are being honest with yourself about any real issues your child may have had. Parents who say "nobody gets treated like this except for [my kid] [this racial/ethnic group]" often don't know of many prior examples to the contrary that are correctly not publicized due to student/family privacy concerns.

PP what you say is somewhat true, but please know that many AA parents have dealt with the issue of race many times in their life and sometimes you just know you are not being too sensitive. As much as you want to believe that race does not factor into the situation you get that familiar gut feeling which allows you to see "what’s really going on" I don't easily dismiss these claims because as a former teacher I have seen something very close to what the other posters have described in both the public and private schools.

I understand that AA parents who may turn to race as an explanation for adverse action against their child may well have that response as a reflex because of years of poor treatment in their own or childrens' lives. I am nevertheless telling you there are times when race is raised/mentioned where it is clear the child in question is being treated in accordance with the same policies as everyone else. Again, I understand why some families may react with suspicion based on past experience, but I still think at times there is a long term disservice to the child if the parent is distracted from a real issue with the child.

[Anonymous]

This is 20:43, to add that the many white parents who also excuse their child's behavior no matter the circumstances and/or scapegoat the school have no excuse whatsoever. With the AA parents, I don't think it's a strategy so much as a legacy of a lack of trust, which is much more understandable. Nevertheless, sometimes the fault, dear friends, lies not in the stars but ourselves (or our kids).

[Anonymous]

They get too many breaks IMO.