Divorce attorney here. Ask away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How difficult it is to get a divorce in Virginia if another spouse (DH) is MIA, moved away to another country and didn't leave an address? I want full custody of our children. DH decided to go back to his old country since he coulnd't "find himself" in the U.S.

Speak to a local attorney about a divorce by publication, or by default.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And 50/50 custody should not be the starting point pp because the standard is the best interests of the child which is emerald not living one week here one week there, and more about preserving the status quo. Rare is the home where the status quo is 50/50. Rare is the situation where such split lives would benefit rather than severely damage a child.

So what should the starting point be in custody wherein there are two working parents as is often the case by necessity in this area?

[Anonymous]

We're separated in VA right now and my STBX is stating that he is going to fight for full custody. The oldest of our two children is 5 and we were married for 10 months before I decided to leave. Outside of this 10 month period, he has only done every other weekend, every other holiday, etc. I am not a psychopath and everyone (including him) would say that I am a good mother. His attitude and behavior has changed over the last few weeks, so it makes me think that he has spoken to a lawyer and now has something to use against me to try to get full custody. Outside of neglect and abuse, is there something that he could use against me? We currently have joint custody for our oldest and nothing in writing for your youngest.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you answer a question, can you please put something along the lines of "OP here-" or something to let us know that you are responding, as it's getting confusing. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Is a sexless marriage grounds for divorce?

[Anonymous]

What should a woman do if her husband refuses to give her a divorce (due to his desire to hold "power" over her and to hurt her). Meanwhile she is stuck in a very unhealthy marriage, living in the same house as him (and 2 children). If she leaves the house she will never see the children as he will withold them from her. If she leaves the house and takes the children with her then her husband and his parents will take her to court for custody and they will get the children, she'll never see them. They have lots of money and she doesn't have much. She left in April with the children and the courts granted temporary custody to the husband's parents - this meant that she barely saw them but the husband saw them all the time even when it wasn't his "turn" because he merely stayed over at his parent's house (where the kids were). Courts finally granted joint custody, so she ended up seeing the kids only on certain days which did not work well (again constant power struggle with husband). She spent all her savings $50K on a lawyer and yet ended up moving back in the marital home so that she could bring up her children and not have to leave them alone with him. Living every day with a horrible husband, kids are traumatised. Husband won't give divorce and is constantly taking the children (esp the older one) out for the entire weekend (sleeping over at grandparents), brings child home late at night during the week - she barely sees the older one at all. Husband has turned older child against her now (bully tactic) and is trying to do the same with the younger child now. Older child now hits her and abusive to her, same as husband is. Seems there is no solution. ??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No question will be ignored. Give me your best shot!

How much money do you make?

[Anonymous]

SAHM here: What do you do when you think your DH is "not in his right mind" due to illness, un/mistreated medical problems etc. DH is charming and plays a good game, but I think mentally not there. Has been making some big blunders lately. With the finances. In the last 6 months has spent, spent, spent on a projects. I question whether it is real. I mean, it is a scam, but he "believes" Other things, too. Always shouting at us (me, the kids) yet he seems unaware...I feel it would be safer for all if he did not have access to our savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and my husband makes about 300K. What would I be looking at for child support (sine the calculators don't go that high) and would you recommend finding a job before divorcing or waiti g until after it is final?

Thanks

Support issues are very fact specific, often based on the age of the children and the length of the marriage.. I think women usually come out ahead if they secure themselves financially with a job / benefits, but you should consult with an attorney to find out how the law applies to your situation.

Kids are 5 and 2. Marriage is 8 years long. I've also heard that it can make sense to try to stay married for 10 years. Apparently if you've been married 10 years you can collect your spouses SS in the event of his death. Is this true?

Yes, after 10 years you get Social Security based on your husband's earnings.

SAHM here, I left STBX at the 8 1/2 mark. In MD there's a one year waiting period to file for divorce if you don't file on, say, an adultery ground. STBX makes just around $260k. After fifteen months I finally got court ordered temporary child support of $5k for three kids. STBXH did everything he could to delay the hearing and was successful at pushing it back for a long time. Before the hearing he only paid $3k in total support and left me to pay all of my own bills (car note, credit cards, etc.). In hindsight, I would've made sure I had zero debts in my name before leaving, except maybe a car note. In the end it will work out because the judge basically told him he would be paying alimony, too. I still don't have a job and plan to go back to school.

Never expect your DH to do the right thing for the kids once you leave. I could have never imagined who my H would become after we separated. You also need to have a plan for health insurance following the divorce. He could be ordered to pay the premium on a policy for you, but you really never know how the cards will fall.

You can receive SS based on your H's earnings after ten years of marriage, but it's my understanding that you can only collect after age 65 (or upon his death?) if you have not remarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and my husband makes about 300K. What would I be looking at for child support (sine the calculators don't go that high) and would you recommend finding a job before divorcing or waiti g until after it is final?

Thanks

Support issues are very fact specific, often based on the age of the children and the length of the marriage.. I think women usually come out ahead if they secure themselves financially with a job / benefits, but you should consult with an attorney to find out how the law applies to your situation.

Kids are 5 and 2. Marriage is 8 years long. I've also heard that it can make sense to try to stay married for 10 years. Apparently if you've been married 10 years you can collect your spouses SS in the event of his death. Is this true?

Yes, after 10 years you get Social Security based on your husband's earnings.

SAHM here, I left STBX at the 8 1/2 mark. In MD there's a one year waiting period to file for divorce if you don't file on, say, an adultery ground. STBX makes just around $260k. After fifteen months I finally got court ordered temporary child support of $5k for three kids. STBXH did everything he could to delay the hearing and was successful at pushing it back for a long time. Before the hearing he only paid $3k in total support and left me to pay all of my own bills (car note, credit cards, etc.). In hindsight, I would've made sure I had zero debts in my name before leaving, except maybe a car note. In the end it will work out because the judge basically told him he would be paying alimony, too. I still don't have a job and plan to go back to school.

Never expect your DH to do the right thing for the kids once you leave. I could have never imagined who my H would become after we separated. You also need to have a plan for health insurance following the divorce. He could be ordered to pay the premium on a policy for you, but you really never know how the cards will fall.

You can receive SS based on your H's earnings after ten years of marriage, but it's my understanding that you can only collect after age 65 (or upon his death?) if you have not remarried.

Thank you that was a super helpful real world scenario. One more question. Did you leave the house when you left? I could not afford our home on my own and the few times I have mentioned separating he tells me that I would have to go. I'm not going to leave w/o the kids, but does it put me at a disadvantage in some way?

I hope you are doing well I. Your new life.

[Anonymous]

The social security website is pretty good for explaining benefits to ex-spouses. My STBX gets an annual statement that says what I will get past 65.

[Anonymous]

If the wife inherits a tidy sum while still married, can the husband get any of it in the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the wife inherits a tidy sum while still married, can the husband get any of it in the divorce?

Not the OP but my BFF just inherited money and this is what we found out: inherited money does not belong to a spouse unless it is commingled, such as is done by putting into a jointly owned account or asset (buying a house with joint title).

[Anonymous]

11:15 here. I did leave the marital home because he would not. The kids came with me, no arguement from here on that. He filed for divorce on a desertion ground, but that basically hasn't given him a leg up in the proceedings. Desertion is hard to prove and my stance is that it was constructive desertion - meaning he made life so miserable in the home that I was forced to leave. He wanted to preserve jurisdiction so he raced to the courthouse to file before I could file in another county.

In MD you could be awarded use and possession of the marital home for up to three years and he could be ordered to pay all of the expenses since you are a SAHM. I think my H wanted to avoid that at all costs. Even if you move out you could still get use and possession later, but it all depends on the judge. Nothing is a slam dunk in family law.

If you choose not to ask for use of the marital home, you are still entitled to your ownership percentage. He would have to buy you out or the judge could order the home sold and the proceeds (if any) would be split according to the property settlement. My H tried to make me believe that I would get zero because the home is solely titled to him - wrong!

Things have worked well for me considering. I have had to miss some credit payments when he was paying only $3k, but I am trying to catch up now. My credit was excellent before so I'm hoping it hasn't been impacted too much. Last thing, a mortgage lender told me that I can use my divorce decree to buy another house (I already own one from prior to the marriage). He said as long as the stated amount for alimony and child support is good for at least two years it counts as income. Good luck!