Would you be upset with MIL for doing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but $300+ on bears is a fucking joke. This isn't a little bit of money, this is a monumental waste of money. OP - I would have said nothing but would have gone to the store and bought 1 bear for each child and then bought another set of bears, all of which would have gone to children in need. That would be the last time she wasted that money on crap.

OP doesn't seem like the donating type, unless there is a tax deduction involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but $300+ on bears is a fucking joke. This isn't a little bit of money, this is a monumental waste of money. OP - I would have said nothing but would have gone to the store and bought 1 bear for each child and then bought another set of bears, all of which would have gone to children in need. That would be the last time she wasted that money on crap.

The point is it is mil's and family's money to waste. Gift recipients don't get to call the shots. Good idea on giving the excess to charity. I think build a bear is stupid in any amount of money, but if someone gives it to my child I would Amalie and say thank you. And no way would I let them know I was regifting.

[Anonymous]

Annoying as hell, but nothing you can do about it.

My mil does a version of this - I ask for something specific, and she cannot resist getting a different version of the thing which inevitably does not work for the purpose I wanted it to work, and I am stuck with a piece of junk to get rid of. I know it sounds ungrateful and tacky, but the fact is, her gift giving is just another opportunity for her to try to exert control and do basically the opposite of whatever I have expressed as my preference. While it is uncouth to look the gift horse in the mouth ... really, who goes and gets a gift you specifically said you did not want?

[Anonymous]

OP: I would have been mildly annoyed. I would not have confronted them about it, because:
1. you can't choose what gifts are given
2 good relations with inlaws are worth more than material possessions.

I would try to arrange my affairs so I don't rely on gifts to fund my regular activities and purchases.

[Anonymous]

Funny OP hasn't been back since her one defense. Probably cause all of DCUM is shocked that she actually told off someone who got her a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but $300+ on bears is a fucking joke. This isn't a little bit of money, this is a monumental waste of money. OP - I would have said nothing but would have gone to the store and bought 1 bear for each child and then bought another set of bears, all of which would have gone to children in need. That would be the last time she wasted that money on crap.

The point is it is mil's and family's money to waste. Gift recipients don't get to call the shots. Good idea on giving the excess to charity. I think build a bear is stupid in any amount of money, but if someone gives it to my child I would Amalie and say thank you. And no way would I let them know I was regifting.

You may be wealthy but $300 is too much money for me to let that go. OP - next year, ask for something with a good resale value and SELL IT. Gifts are gifts but if someone's gift to me was watching them set fire to money in front of me, I wouldn't be happy. This gift is disgusting. A disgusting almost sinful waste of money. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON BEARS. What a stupid bitch.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset. I'd probably have noticed she was this kind of person ages ago and been prepared and just let it roll off my back completely.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be pissed about this too. She asked you what to get for the kids, you gave her a straightforward response, and she ignored you and did what she wanted to do. That's lame. Why even bother asking?

And $300 for bears? What a friggin waste!!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would be frustrated. But it's not the end of the world, you don't have to use all $300 in one visit, do you? Maybe you can go again in several months.

My MIL told me she's planning to get DS a giant plastic playhouse thing for Christmas. I told her he's 8 months old and can't use it, and there's no way it will fit in our 700 square foot apartment. She said she's getting it anyway and we can get rid of our dining room table. I told her it will go into our storage unit or be sold. I'm pretty sure she's still planning to buy it.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did she say when you confronted her?

[Anonymous]

OP here - my husbands grandparents called to say that my MIL asked them for $75 for Build-a-Bear gift cards that she told them I said that the kids wanted. They told her they cannot afford that (they really can't), but agreed to it anyway. Apparently my MIL told the entire family that our kids wanted this huge gift card to the build-a-bear place. We clearly did not want this, nor did we need the family to spend so much of them. They all do not have much money and this was way too much. She only bought the gift cards because she got special gas points. She told this to the grandparents. Thus, she used all of the families money on something that she wanted to buy (to get 4 times the gas points at Kroger) when I asked her not to. Why am I bitchy to say that they did not want those things? She asked what to get the kids. I said it did not matter, but she pushed and pushed. Had she spent some outrageous amount on themselves, then so be it. But, she included the entire family and got as much money out of them as possible all so she could get extra gas points. I think that is very selfish.

[Anonymous]

OP here - she apologized and said sorry. I just got really excited. She has a very long and horrible history of not listening to anyone, doing whatever she wants, manipulating and being a bitch. DH, brother in law, grandparents, their own parents also agree that she has major issues. This was just another example of how selfish she is. And to those that say we "count" on the money to spend on the kids, well, we never ask his family for anything. Ever. But, we know that 100% of the time they send the kids money for things. They tell us to spend it on what the kids need. So that's what we do. We may live here, but we don't have a lot of money. It just makes me sad that my MIL did all this to them too and made them spend their money on something so wasteful.

[Anonymous]

BFD! Do you not get that it's their money to spend, not yours?!

[Anonymous]

Write thank you notes to every family member and include a pic of your kid with their bear. Tell them in the note that you thought it was very kind, and even though you were a little unsure when mil suggested it, it was a very nice gift that the kids enjoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - my husbands grandparents called to say that my MIL asked them for $75 for Build-a-Bear gift cards that she told them I said that the kids wanted. They told her they cannot afford that (they really can't), but agreed to it anyway. Apparently my MIL told the entire family that our kids wanted this huge gift card to the build-a-bear place. We clearly did not want this, nor did we need the family to spend so much of them. They all do not have much money and this was way too much. She only bought the gift cards because she got special gas points. She told this to the grandparents. Thus, she used all of the families money on something that she wanted to buy (to get 4 times the gas points at Kroger) when I asked her not to. Why am I bitchy to say that they did not want those things? She asked what to get the kids. I said it did not matter, but she pushed and pushed. Had she spent some outrageous amount on themselves, then so be it. But, she included the entire family and got as much money out of them as possible all so she could get extra gas points. I think that is very selfish.

Ps how weird (and rude) that your grandparents tell you they can't afford a gift but bought it anyway.