How to get beyond the utter loneliness and depression

[Anonymous]

Tim: Who the heck is OP, everyone keeps talking about. No offense! I just don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Tim: I'll be your best friend! we can talk on here or a few other sites for free. I'm suffer to the extreme as well. Just let me know.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure which category to put this in. So I started here.

I'm divorced two years and left my husband three years ago. He was a cheating bipolar/bpd asshole who had me and my kids on eggshells.

Most of my 'friends' got scared away shortly thereafter. Afraid of catching the divorce bug, I guess.

I have two young kids who keep me pretty distracted, but there are many nights and every other weekend when the loneliness and depression sets in. I haven't dated since and havent had any bites at that. I've joined mertups and tried other things to try and meet people, but with little success. I even tried OKC, but my profile must have sounded really bad because I didn't really receive anything there...which
Didn't help my self esteem.

I'm just out of ideas on how to get beyond the feelings I have. I wish I had a best friend to chat with but don't even have that. Not really close to my mom and my brother is too busy recovering from being an alcoholic to have time to deal with me.

Ive tried antidepressants in the past as well as therapy and I'm not sure they've been helpful. I am an introvert so it is really hard to put my feelings into words and have never been really comfortable with a shrink so far...

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Single Dad Here,

I feel your pain. This month marks the two year mark since my ex-wife and I split. She cheated and had zero remorse, which only sharpened the blow to my self-esteem. Unlike you, I dated a bit. It didn't help anything in terms of speeding up the healing process. In all honesty, I felt just as lonely in someone else's company as I did by myself.

I was told by the good folks over at survivinginfidelity.com that it's just going to take time. I've accepted that and have taken a break from dating for right now.

My advice to you is to do things you enjoy, rediscover who you are outside of the spouse role, go to therapy (really worked for me and I was completely anti-therapy previously), and just let things happen naturally. You have to fight through it.

[Anonymous]

Tim: "See this needle. See my hand. Drop drop dropping it down. Oh so gently." -Pearl Jam-

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't read the thread, but just your original post. I could've written this myself. But with me, more than afraid of the divorce bug, my ex lied about me, extensively. And people stayed away. And when I finally got the courage to stop being in such a depressed, ruined state and made friends, I didn't make many good ones. Recently, one, out of the blew, decided to form a "mean girls pack" where they are all ignoring me at work because I am "negative." I would take that if I were. I'm very self-aware. I'm not super upbeat and up for 15 shots every night, but I never put anyone done for their looks , BF, relationships, life, etc. When they constantly make judgments about my choice in coffee, what I did with the one and failed relationship I had after my ex. What I wear, how I eat, etc. They keep point out what's wrong with me. The point of mentioning my side is I empathize. This is sooo fucking lonely. And having people around you not be understanding or supportive is awful.

I dunno what the solution is. I tried meetup just to meet people. I've met a few good people on there, but we don't hang out often. I don't really have a good support network where i fit near. I'm desperate for some good company. Family doesn't live on the same continent, let alone anywhere near. All my friends from college are over the world. I feel so goddamn alone. But i notice, when I do, we give off that vibe. We give off the alone and lonely, maybe even depressed vibe. And it makes us even less desirable. No one wants that. And it hurts. I want someone to hug me, to take the fucking pain away. The pain of mental and emotional abuse, of being left alone to fend myself in the world, but i'm realizing, people don't like burdens, and they don't want that.

Before I turn this all about myself, like an asshole, I want to say, I completely understand. You should realize that the world is harsh, and you're in a hard place. Try to be kind to yourself. Work on thinking about you as a wholesome but workable project. If you were to date you, what would you like, what would you improve. If you were to friend you, the same.

Also, focus on those who *do* love you. Send them gifts, notes, etc. About them not you. Touch someone gently with a note or coffee, etc. It comes back.

I really don't have it figured out. Some days are so damn dark. But you have to keep trying. So one day, and that day will come in one way or another, your kids come to you for advice because they're struggling making friends, or feel unloved, you can tell them you did too, you made it and how.

BIG HUGS. I think you're awesome. And I am sending you cheesy corny love.

[Anonymous]

Tim: What do you do if you don't enjoy literally anything? Pretending I like things has not worked at all. Here are all my negatives. The ones I know about anyway. 35 year old virgin, never been on a date, never got a drivers license, antisocial, never finished high school, really messed up teeth, I live in the same house in the same room I grew up in. I'm ugly. My mother screamed every drunken day of my childhood as my father hit me or completely ignored me. Now I feel like I absorb the pain and suffering from all the other living creatures on the planet. I want to die but conveniently I can't bring myself to kill myself. I'm in so deep, that happiness is almost like pain to me and sadness feels good. I have all the makings of a evil person but I'm not a scumbag. Boo fucking hoo for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tim: What do you do if you don't enjoy literally anything? Pretending I like things has not worked at all. Here are all my negatives. The ones I know about anyway. 35 year old virgin, never been on a date, never got a drivers license, antisocial, never finished high school, really messed up teeth, I live in the same house in the same room I grew up in. I'm ugly. My mother screamed every drunken day of my childhood as my father hit me or completely ignored me. Now I feel like I absorb the pain and suffering from all the other living creatures on the planet. I want to die but conveniently I can't bring myself to kill myself. I'm in so deep, that happiness is almost like pain to me and sadness feels good. I have all the makings of a evil person but I'm not a scumbag. Boo fucking hoo for me.

Tim, can you find a way to get help? A lot of people feel the way you do. You're not alone. A lot of the things you describe aren't so bad, or you can fix them. Do things that make you feel better about yourself - don't worry about anyone else. It seems to bother you that you didn't finish high school - can you start working on your GED?

No birth certificate? Why? There has to be a way around that to get a driver's license. Did your parents just never apply for one, or do youjus not have a coffee.

If you literally don't enjoy anything, you are probably depressed - and there's treatment for that. You might be surprised how quickly your outlook can change with a therapist and perhaps some medication too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tim: What do you do if you don't enjoy literally anything? Pretending I like things has not worked at all. Here are all my negatives. The ones I know about anyway. 35 year old virgin, never been on a date, never got a drivers license, antisocial, never finished high school, really messed up teeth, I live in the same house in the same room I grew up in. I'm ugly. My mother screamed every drunken day of my childhood as my father hit me or completely ignored me. Now I feel like I absorb the pain and suffering from all the other living creatures on the planet. I want to die but conveniently I can't bring myself to kill myself. I'm in so deep, that happiness is almost like pain to me and sadness feels good. I have all the makings of a evil person but I'm not a scumbag. Boo fucking hoo for me.

Tim, can you find a way to get help? A lot of people feel the way you do. You're not alone. A lot of the things you describe aren't so bad, or you can fix them. Do things that make you feel better about yourself - don't worry about anyone else. It seems to bother you that you didn't finish high school - can you start working on your GED?

No birth certificate? Why? There has to be a way around that to get a driver's license. Did your parents just never apply for one, or do youjus not have a coffee.

If you literally don't enjoy anything, you are probably depressed - and there's treatment for that. You might be surprised how quickly your outlook can change with a therapist and perhaps some medication too.

copy, not coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tim: What do you do if you don't enjoy literally anything? Pretending I like things has not worked at all. Here are all my negatives. The ones I know about anyway. 35 year old virgin, never been on a date, never got a drivers license, antisocial, never finished high school, really messed up teeth, I live in the same house in the same room I grew up in. I'm ugly. My mother screamed every drunken day of my childhood as my father hit me or completely ignored me. Now I feel like I absorb the pain and suffering from all the other living creatures on the planet. I want to die but conveniently I can't bring myself to kill myself. I'm in so deep, that happiness is almost like pain to me and sadness feels good. I have all the makings of a evil person but I'm not a scumbag. Boo fucking hoo for me.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that loneliness is so abhorrent. To sit in ones home longing for someone to call to say hello. To care whether or not your exustince is valid is a truly awful feeling

The loneliness in her toxic marriage was far worse.

[Anonymous]

Tim: Being honest and nice means absolutely nothing in this world! I am and my life is the most painful thing ever. I want so bad to go in the kitchen and get a fucking knife and bleed myself to death. I hate myself so fucking much! There's no way theres a god. If there was why wouldn't it just end my suffering?! Please! My mother and father were the biggest pieces of crap. Why do I have to be this bad? I have no chance. You think your lonely? Try being alone for 35 years. There's no way out. FUCK! I was so nice and I always speak the truth. It doesn't help. Just kill me you piece of shit. I can't take this anylonger. ddjjcfgjkuvnjkkkllvcgnll Never touch a woman your entire life.

[Anonymous]

Tim: I'm not trying to say she doesn't have it bad! I truly hope she finds a great man to love and that loves her and her children. Who ever laughed at me is ridiculous. If you knew me you would understand. These are just stupid words on paper. It's not real. It's not how I feel and what I really am. These things of mine that you think aren't that bad, are far worse then I can explain with stupid words. If I could help that poor woman I would. But I can't even help myself to help her. If you think being alone for 20 years isn't that big of adeal try it sometime. By alone I mean no friends or mate. Only talk to yourself. Whatever I was just venting. Yeah I know I'm a loser! I know I'm ridiculous. I've been hit and laughed at my entire life. But I don't enjoy doing that to others. Because I know how much it hurts. Whatever! Good luck to all of you that are suffering. If I'm lucking I'll die very soon.