HELP, life with a husband with ADD. I am struggling to manage everything!!

[Anonymous]

Oy vey. Anyone curious as to why ADD is overdiagnosed needs to just read this thread and go from there.

--Just because someone doesn't want to look for a job doesn't mean that they have ADD or ADHD. Some people just don't like interviewing or changing jobs.
--Sometimes there is something more interesting than listening to one's wife. Which annoys the shit out of me when my husband does it, but alas...Sometimes I just can't compete with that damned RGIII or fantasy baseball standings. So I wait until it is a good time for talking about something and then do it when it is convenient for us both.
--People have different personalities and wants and needs and priorities. This doesn't mean they have ADHD.
--Men just aren't good at focusing on a bunch of shit at once. From what I understand, it goes back to the hunter-gatherer days. Makes sense.

Please, please don't diagnose your husband with ADHD because he doesn't do everything you ask him to do right away. He is allowed to express himself.

Signed, Woman with ADD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oy vey. Anyone curious as to why ADD is overdiagnosed needs to just read this thread and go from there.

--Just because someone doesn't want to look for a job doesn't mean that they have ADD or ADHD. Some people just don't like interviewing or changing jobs.
--Sometimes there is something more interesting than listening to one's wife. Which annoys the shit out of me when my husband does it, but alas...Sometimes I just can't compete with that damned RGIII or fantasy baseball standings. So I wait until it is a good time for talking about something and then do it when it is convenient for us both.
--People have different personalities and wants and needs and priorities. This doesn't mean they have ADHD.
--Men just aren't good at focusing on a bunch of shit at once. From what I understand, it goes back to the hunter-gatherer days. Makes sense.

Please, please don't diagnose your husband with ADHD because he doesn't do everything you ask him to do right away. He is allowed to express himself.

Signed, Woman with ADD

I agree. If you think your spouse has ADD, then the best thing you can do is go to a specialist. They will hand both of you questionaires. How he/she scores as an aggregate can tell you a lot. ADD/ADHD is an aggregate of several related symptoms: executive skills, emphathy/mimicry, frame-shift/hyperfocus, and others (I cannot recall them all). Your spouse could, for example, score poorly on executive function, but be fine on everything else. As well, there are specific diagnostic/percentage characteristics to ADD. In order to be considered ADD, you MUST be in the 96th percentile. That means that your in the bottom 4%!!! I cannot recall, but I think they have to score crappy in more than one field as well.


For example, my executive skills were in the 96%, which is ADD level, but only just. However, my frame-shift/hyperfocus was 99%. My empathy mimcry was pretty bad as well as were some other scores. The reason a lot of people don't think ADD exists is because it is overlabeld with people just deciding, "well, he has a worse memory that anyone I know, so it must be ADD".

[Anonymous]

OP, when your husband called about the bottles, why didn't you say "Guess your ass is going back to get them" and left it at that. He may have ADD, he may not, but it does sound like many of you are enabling the behavior. Fine if you are okay with it, not fine to do it and then be frustrated. There is no reason Grandma should have bailed his ass out on this one.

[Anonymous]

This is my life. I do everything including finances. I think up all family vacations, even what we do on the weekend. My DH is so ADD that he can't focus on anything. He does well at work, because he has to. He is a good father who adores his kids, but he just needs me to give him ideas. I am tired of doing it all. He is also OCD, and that makes it even worse. When he finally decides to do something (like paint the house) he never makes it very far, because it has to be overly perfect. UGH!!! I have watched him spend two day digging a hole for a post. Measuring it, and leveling the bottom. Only to abandon it for another time. Our house is starting to fall apart because he will not do a project. I got a new bathroom floor only because I started to rip it up myself. He finally got into it, but it still took a month to finish. And that was when he was taking Vyvanse. He will skip meals unless I make him food, because he just can't decide what to eat. Even though I work, he won't get the kids up and get them ready. He can't focus enough to do the simplest tasks quickly. I love him, but I am getting worn out.

[Anonymous]

Do all dh's have ADD? Reading this makes me think mine does. I remember one time making cupcakes for my dd's school, and he dropped them off at the wrong school along with the costume at the wrong school as well. Even though he is a SAHD, I figure out all the stuff about school - teacher appreciation day, cookies for class, year-end gift. If he has to do anything with school, I make sure to remind him and put it on his calendar. He usually remembers drop off and pick up, but one time dropped off dd on a Friday when she only goes to school on Tues/Thurs and forgot dd at K on a Monday because it was early release day, and he forgot. I don't know maybe dh has ADD too. hmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oy vey. Anyone curious as to why ADD is overdiagnosed needs to just read this thread and go from there.

--Just because someone doesn't want to look for a job doesn't mean that they have ADD or ADHD. Some people just don't like interviewing or changing jobs.
--Sometimes there is something more interesting than listening to one's wife. Which annoys the shit out of me when my husband does it, but alas...Sometimes I just can't compete with that damned RGIII or fantasy baseball standings. So I wait until it is a good time for talking about something and then do it when it is convenient for us both.
--People have different personalities and wants and needs and priorities. This doesn't mean they have ADHD.
--Men just aren't good at focusing on a bunch of shit at once. From what I understand, it goes back to the hunter-gatherer days. Makes sense.

Please, please don't diagnose your husband with ADHD because he doesn't do everything you ask him to do right away. He is allowed to express himself.

Signed, Woman with ADD

ADD is NOT overdiagnosed. It is UNDERdiagnosed and UNDERmedicated. Other than that, I agree with what you say. If one is concerned that ADHD may be present, go to a specialist with experience in diagnosing/treating it. It should NOT be diagnosed/treated by a general physician.