do you motivate your children by telling them how much you sacrificed for them?
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Anonymous
15:38 here: My 6 year old was able to understand that piano lessons were an expensive choice, and if he didn't want to practice he could choose a class at the recreation center instead. He chose to try something else, which was fine by me. Like I said, I wouldn't make that offer unless I didn't have a strong preference either way. I wouldn't use this for school, unless I really didn't have a preference between public or private and could afford both. |
Anonymous
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I don't think it is motivation, it is guilt. Terrible
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Anonymous
lol - "We are A-sian, not B-sian" |
Anonymous
| No, I don't put a guilt trip on him, but I do let him know that things cost money and there are things that we can and can not afford. |
Anonymous
Look at it from her perspective: she asks a legitimate question, and you "let loose" on her. How is she supposed to know unless she asks? Now if she had asked this repeatedly, I could understand it. But I think your reaction was likely because due to your insecurities about your socioeconomic position relative to some of your neighbors. You could also just have said "because we make less money". Asked and answered. It will always come up.... We live in an "upscale" neighbhorhood--in a roughly $1.75m house. DS 2 friends lives several streets away in a roughly $2m and $4m houses (yeah...wow, they're NICE houses). He asked me the same thing. I told him the same thing I mentioned above: the Jones/Smiths make more money, most likely. Next question. Doesn't mean they don't appreciate what they have. But don't most of us, kids included, want nicer things? Wouldn't you like the nicer house? Whether that's an upgrade from $100k to $200k, or from $3m to $6m, that's kind of human nature--it doesn't necessarily preclude one from being happy where you are, either. |
Anonymous
You want credit card? Too bad, you get library card. |
Anonymous
| If you can manage it in a non-manipulative way, I completely agree you shouldn't hide all of the sacrifices you've made for your children from them. It's good for them to know. The key is in the "if" clause. Do it in a manipulative way, and you're turning a helpful, instructive exercise into an abusive one. |