do you motivate your children by telling them how much you sacrificed for them?
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Anonymous
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my coworker tells her 1st grd DS she's killing herself taking him to karate classes/tournaments every week, and her DS has started to responded well by being more motivated and focused and is getting a lot out of these activities.
sometimes i felt my DS didn't give his best effort, but i haven't figured out how to motivate him. would this be a good idea? |
Anonymous
| Parents have been using guilt trips since the beginning of time. The Jewish and Catholic mamas are especially good at it. |
Anonymous
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It's a terrible idea.
Your kids shouldn't be made to feel guilty for something you elected to do. He's not the one signing himself up for classes. He's what, 6? And he's now "motivated and focused"? Good grief, shouldn't he just be having fun and learning a bit of karate? |
Anonymous
| I tell my kids to do their best if they want to be successful. Once they are out of college, they are on their own. |
Anonymous
| No. |
Anonymous
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No. I tell my kids that their lives are theirs, that we will do whatever we can to help them learn and grow, but that it's up to them to work towards their goals.
My choices in paying for things for them are not their responsibility. |
Anonymous
| No, it's manipulative. Don't motivate your children with guilt- it's unsustainable and corrosive. They'll be on a therapist's couch years from now. |
Anonymous
| No, but I have told my teen DC, after a lapse in judgement, that we have provided him with every opportunity and it's up to him to take advantage of them. |
Anonymous
ITA! |
Anonymous
| No. If my kid doesn't seem to be into something, I will say that if he's not going to try hard, it seems to me that he could use a break from the activity, but only if I really think that's what's going on. It's not a way to guilt him into meeting my standards; it's a way to figure out how he's feeling so we can do what works best for all of us. |
Anonymous
| My mother did this when I was a kid. I tuned her out and actually respected her "less." She never did anything for herself. Never valued herself. Nothing. Maybe if she had, instead of living entirely through her kids, I would have felt some actual guilt about all her hard work. |
Anonymous
| Asian parents do this all the time. The guilt is terrible. |
Anonymous
| It's not a good idea, however, I confess that I started in a bit around the time DC was 11 or 12. I try to limit it but I also very much make the point it is her life and I am usually supportive of her choices. |
Anonymous
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We make it very clear that the whole family is making sacrifices for private school. It cuts down on the "why aren't we going to Costa Rica for spring break" whine fests.
I have no problem with my middle school/high school aged kids knowing we place a premium on education and as a result, we don't drive a fancy car or take big vacations, etc... If that makes me a tiger mom, I'm ok with that. |
Anonymous
I think a tiger mom would say that she's paying a lot for your education and therefore you owe her straight As. |