Topics that you shouldn't talk to friends about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ they now see you as a trashy slut?

Oh, get over your sanctimonious self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is off limits in our circle..especially after a few bottles of wine. We don't discuss salaries but everything from nut sacks to brazilian waxes to politics to religion are fair game. We are a very open-minded bunch with lots of harmless teasing as well.

Acquaintences are different. None of the above would be discussed...unless, again, you pour a couple of bottles of wine down our throats and then anything goes again!

This.

[Anonymous]

Marriage problems. Honestly, if my DH and I have a fight, I'm more likely to talk to my mom or mother in law or sister. I keep that away from friendships. Religion, if I KNOW our viewpoints differ. Same for politics. Other than that, anything goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you're lucky you have someone to talk to. I confided in two friends about my lover, and I don't think either has ever regarded me the same way. I'm so sorry I told them.

Lover as in you are married and have a lover?

[Anonymous]

Infertility. I never talk about with my friends/family, who would probably be really nice about it, in part because of some of the bitchy things that people have said about it on DCUM. I shouldn't let it sway me, but it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Infertility. I never talk about with my friends/family, who would probably be really nice about it, in part because of some of the bitchy things that people have said about it on DCUM. I shouldn't let it sway me, but it does.

I skimmed the thread to see if this would be on it! I agree. I had to do IVF to conceive my second and I don't mention it to people because of this. On the other hand, I wish my friends wouldn't talk to me about their own fertility (wow, we were surprised how quickly we got pregnant!! i am SO fertile!!) because it makes me sad. I'm happy for them of cousre but I 1) don't need to know this detail, esp. if its my acquiaintance and not a close friend and 2) it just makes me upset.

So the PSA here is you don't need to volunteer this information. You never know who is having infertility problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you're lucky you have someone to talk to. I confided in two friends about my lover, and I don't think either has ever regarded me the same way. I'm so sorry I told them.

Lover as in you are married and have a lover?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Infertility. I never talk about with my friends/family, who would probably be really nice about it, in part because of some of the bitchy things that people have said about it on DCUM. I shouldn't let it sway me, but it does.

I've been fairly open about our infertility journey and misses... but always judiciously. What I've found is there are a LOT more people that you expect going through the same thing and closing themselves off. It has helped.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of friends with whom very little is off topic but my general rule is not to share anything I wouldn't want shared w/ the friends husband, sister or cousin because my best friend has some serious boundary issues with regard to what is or isn't Ok to share. The word "secret" isn't in her vocabulary.

[Anonymous]

I wish there WERE some accepted rules, but there really aren't.

Yes, money, politics and religion. That's what our grandmothers would have said, right? But those lines are completely blurred, or erased altogether, and now we're throwing in new issues, like fertility.

I know several women who will tell their bus driver and Comcast operator that they're going through IVF, or that their child was conceived via ART. And I know another woman for whom it's a deep dark secret that she and her husband needed a little help conceiving. Unfortunately, she told me all the details while she was going through it, but did not tell me that it was a secret, so I mentioned it to a mutual friend, who apparently wasn't privy to the same info, when it finally took. Awkward. Luckily, I have awesome understanding friends, and she wasn't really angry, but I felt so bad betraying her secret... that I didn't know was secret. Again, see above, re: women who tell their bus driver about their IVF.

So I'm going to agree with PP: don't talk about other people's problems. Period. Even if you are two of the three peas in a pod and you're sure that the third pea, though absent, knows everything and more.