Anonymous wrote:Former Middle School teacher here again. The point I was trying to make was that kids (especially in MS, but probably in 5th grade as well) are learning to develop their own peer networks, relationships with teachers, ways of handling stress, etc. There are some kinds of behavior that should be continuous between home and school (being polite, being respectful) but there are other things that are special and different about the school environment. Having parents in the school space confuses these areas as much as would having a teacher hanging out at the family's dinner table. Kids get relaxed and comfortable with teachers at school similarly to how they are relaxed with parents at home, but the situations cannot be reversed.
Just one example I can think of is during the height of the Harry Potter book mania I had a group of seventh grade girls who loved the books and would tell me all about them, give me updates about their reading progress, tell me how excited they were about the first movie coming out - basically be giggly about Harry Potter like seventh grade girls can be. I was talking to two of the girls mothers and I mentioned how excited the girls were for the movie and they told me that the girls were kind of over Harry Potter and had outgrown the franchise, wanted more mature reading material, etc. These were good moms and good kids, it was just that the girls were trying out certain kinds of acting and thinking with their parents (trying new things, trying to be mature and grown up) and trying out different ones at school with their friends. That is absolutely developmentally appropriate and having the separate spaces to handle the two sides of an adolescent's personality is healthy. My point was that having parents at school may complicate how these kids use these separate spaces to experiment with their own personalities and work through the process of growing up.
OP here, this is a helpful thoughtful response. Thanks.
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