Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

My DC has a 5th grade teacher at a JKLM ok Janney who responds to every request I make to her about a class activity with this annoyed expression and the response: "I don't care." I'm trying to be polite and make scheduling request like: "Do you mind if we take the class outside for lunch during the field trip?" or "Should we do the story reading first before we serve the food?" Innocuous sorts of questions. But every time she blasts back with: I DON'T CARE! It is pretty jarring. It feels curt and rude. Couldn't she just say: I have no preference? She just seems so annoyed that any parents are in the classroom at all--From what I have observed she is incredibly harsh with the students. Also the school librarian talks to the students as if she were a prison guard. I overheard her reduce a student to tears yesterday. I get that the kids are disruptive sometimes. I'm the parent so, I certainly know that some kids are repeatedly causing problems--and I know that parents can be annoying--but, wow, do we really need to be so harsh about everything in a school atmosphere? It is disheartening.

[Anonymous]

I truly believe parents should not be permitted to volunteer in their own child's classroom. I feel like they are there sizing up the "competition" to their kids -- and they gossip about all of the kids after. I'll bet that teacher feels that the parents are spying on her.

I think schools should encourage parents who truly want to volunteer, to do so in other grade level classrooms and not permit all of these helicopter parents in their child's classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe parents should not be permitted to volunteer in their own child's classroom. I feel like they are there sizing up the "competition" to their kids -- and they gossip about all of the kids after. I'll bet that teacher feels that the parents are spying on her.

I think schools should encourage parents who truly want to volunteer, to do so in other grade level classrooms and not permit all of these helicopter parents in their child's classroom.

I taught for many years and loved when parents volunteered. They understood that the classroom was my domain and would ask questions. I would politely answer them.

YES, the teacher is being rude.

If you have concerns about the librarian or other staff talk to the principal. If the abusive behaviors don't stop report to CPS. They will take the matter seriously.

[Anonymous]

What is a "JKLM"?

OP, please report this teacher, maybe after conferring with the other volunteering parents. This teacher sounds like a bitch, and I would not want my DD to get her as a teacher when she gets to fifth grade!!

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. Trying to put myself in your teacher's shoes, it's possible that she views the questions you give as examples above not as innocent scheduling questions. They may come off as suggestions (veiled as questions) for how she should manage the classroom. Asking "should we read the story first?" can mean "I think we should read the story first." which is overstepping your role as a volunteer. It

When you're in the classroom, is it because she has asked you to be there or because you have asked to come in? My suggestion is to back off. When you go in to volunteer, ask, "where can we be of most help today?" it may be that she's insecure, may be she's feeling uncomfortable with boundaries, or it may be that she likes having volunteers but is ineffective at communicating her plans and needs. It could be personal and she has pegged you as a passive-aggressive gossip. Rightfully so, it seems. If you really wanted a positive resolution you could have posted your problem without identifying her by school and grade level.

I taught for several years and loved having volunteers--but felt like i was under a magnifying glass the first year and had to learn to communicate about our schedule and how parents could best help.Now I am a welcome volunteer in DC's classes. I offer to file and laminate and don't wear my teacher hat. And I am a vault.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting to hear you volunteer and your child is in 5th grade. It is my understanding that the older the kids get, the less the teachers want parents in the room. My kids are in 1st and 2nd grade respectively so I still volunteer, but I've heard from mothers of older kids that by 3rd grade I won't be as welcome any more.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you say that there's storytime and snacktime for 5th graders? Is that right?

[Anonymous]

I agree. 5th grade is a bit old for a parent to be involved, except maybe some relatively hands off chaperoning on a field trip. I used to teach middle school and parents would have just complicated matters most of the time. Kids of that age act very differently when parents are around.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My questions were definitely not intended to control the teacher at all. But yes, I feel that parents should be involved as much as the kids are comfortable with it. The teachers who are open and confident have nothing to fear from a parent like me. I think when kids see parents at school they realize the continuity of conduct and learning extends to home and school. This even extends to middle school where kids really need to have teachers who are sensitive to how difficult these years can be. If a teacher is afraid or uncomfortable with a very relaxed and open atmosphere towards parents in the classroom, then I will assume he/she is using harsh discipline instead of actually teaching and nurturing the students. We are judged in our jobs; why should teachers be treated differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My questions were definitely not intended to control the teacher at all. But yes, I feel that parents should be involved as much as the kids are comfortable with it. The teachers who are open and confident have nothing to fear from a parent like me. I think when kids see parents at school they realize the continuity of conduct and learning extends to home and school. This even extends to middle school where kids really need to have teachers who are sensitive to how difficult these years can be. If a teacher is afraid or uncomfortable with a very relaxed and open atmosphere towards parents in the classroom, then I will assume he/she is using harsh discipline instead of actually teaching and nurturing the students. We are judged in our jobs; why should teachers be treated differently?

At first I thought the teacher was rude. Now I think she's just annoyed by you. And justifiably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My questions were definitely not intended to control the teacher at all. But yes, I feel that parents should be involved as much as the kids are comfortable with it. The teachers who are open and confident have nothing to fear from a parent like me. I think when kids see parents at school they realize the continuity of conduct and learning extends to home and school. This even extends to middle school where kids really need to have teachers who are sensitive to how difficult these years can be. If a teacher is afraid or uncomfortable with a very relaxed and open atmosphere towards parents in the classroom, then I will assume he/she is using harsh discipline instead of actually teaching and nurturing the students. We are judged in our jobs; why should teachers be treated differently?

And I think we have our answer. OP, if you are bringing this attitude into the classroom, you should not be shocked that the teacher has been rude to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My questions were definitely not intended to control the teacher at all. But yes, I feel that parents should be involved as much as the kids are comfortable with it. The teachers who are open and confident have nothing to fear from a parent like me. I think when kids see parents at school they realize the continuity of conduct and learning extends to home and school. This even extends to middle school where kids really need to have teachers who are sensitive to how difficult these years can be. If a teacher is afraid or uncomfortable with a very relaxed and open atmosphere towards parents in the classroom, then I will assume he/she is using harsh discipline instead of actually teaching and nurturing the students. We are judged in our jobs; why should teachers be treated differently?

Sorry, I have to disagree. It's not up to the kids. The teacher must run the classroom. Any concerns about the teacher go to the principal. If enough parents go to the principal, then the principal (not the parent) manages the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. 5th grade is a bit old for a parent to be involved, except maybe some relatively hands off chaperoning on a field trip. I used to teach middle school and parents would have just complicated matters most of the time. Kids of that age act very differently when parents are around.

If anything, kids that age 10, 11, 12, 13 behave better when a parent is around. Parents (some, anyway) bring fresh energy into a stale dynamic. Most kids I see just brighten right up when they see a fun parent in the room. Even on a 6th or 7th grade field trip--these kids are usually dying to show off their work to you or just talk about the subjects from a different perspective for a change. The teacher can just leave and go get a Starbucks, really. Many of the Moms and Dads at Janney have extensive educations and experience with modern, more nurturing methods of interacting with kids that are certainly on par with most of the teachers. As for gossiping about the other kids--you're wrong. I've got a younger kid who is special needs in 3rd grade and volunteering was a great opportunity for me to bridge the social gap a little bit with him to see which kids he really was connecting with and facilitate a better relationship for him with some of those kids and with his teacher, actually. Parents in the classroom is a win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. 5th grade is a bit old for a parent to be involved, except maybe some relatively hands off chaperoning on a field trip. I used to teach middle school and parents would have just complicated matters most of the time. Kids of that age act very differently when parents are around.

If anything, kids that age 10, 11, 12, 13 behave better when a parent is around. Parents (some, anyway) bring fresh energy into a stale dynamic. Most kids I see just brighten right up when they see a fun parent in the room. Even on a 6th or 7th grade field trip--these kids are usually dying to show off their work to you or just talk about the subjects from a different perspective for a change. The teacher can just leave and go get a Starbucks, really. Many of the Moms and Dads at Janney have extensive educations and experience with modern, more nurturing methods of interacting with kids that are certainly on par with most of the teachers. As for gossiping about the other kids--you're wrong. I've got a younger kid who is special needs in 3rd grade and volunteering was a great opportunity for me to bridge the social gap a little bit with him to see which kids he really was connecting with and facilitate a better relationship for him with some of those kids and with his teacher, actually. Parents in the classroom is a win-win.

Wow, OP. Now *I'm* annoyed by you. Your whole attitude really seems to be "we know better than you."

Do your kid, his classmates and his teacher a favor and stop volunteering in the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you say that there's storytime and snacktime for 5th graders? Is that right?

I find this weird as well.