SO Thank You Notes
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Anonymous
| And then people wonder where the sense of entitlement and lack of appreciation comes from. Wonder no more. |
Anonymous
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I'd love to parse this thread by age -- I bet all the people saying thank you notes are essential are over 35.
Under 30? "It was my birthday/wedding/baby/haircut/Tuesday" so, of course you sent me a gift. I deserved it. I am special. And I am BUSY. I don't have time to say thank you. And besides, I didn't ASK for your gift. I just sent you an announcement/invite/lengthy registry and you CHOSE to give me something that I specifically asked for. So WHY should I thank you??? You are SO SELFISH!" |
Anonymous
You've got a gap there between 30 and 35, and this 31 year old believes very much in thank you notes. If I can't take a few moments to express my gratitude in a tangible, lastin way, then I'm not worth much. It's like being human to the kid in school no one likes - it isn't fun or easy, but neither is life. |
Anonymous
| Agreed. And how did OP's simple question turn into some horribly nasty diatribe from some entitled people with foul mouths? I'm 33, I write TY notes, and I dont find it necessary to swear at people when their opinion differs from mine. When manners go out the window does that mean civility has to also? |
Anonymous
I'm 350 notes getter from the other thread. I am 39. I think thank you notes are nice. I think they are not compulsory. I believe that there is a time and a place for a handwritten note, and I'm pleased to get one. I have, on occasion, given gifts and wondered if they were received, because I didn't get a thank you. I've been on both sides. However, I certainly haven't put a black box next to their names. I gave them the benefit of the doubt - something in their life came up that made them too busy to write a thank you note. Interestingly, one of the couples I'm friends with, who got married and had a HUGE ceremony (500 people or so?) and sent a thank you note for a gift, was at our house the other weekend (gasp, yes, we still see them socially, even invite them to our home, despite their "transgressions" ha ha ha). The wife confided in me that she'd been feeling really crappy about not sending thank you notes. Her sister (lives in another country, I'd forgotten that she even had one) never showed up to the wedding, they had a fight, and then her sister was in an accident and passed away. She said she just had to put everything aside to cope for a while, and that it took a huge toll on her. Additionally, they'd just opened a business, and while she traveled, her new DH was doing all the work for the new place. I was SO THANKFUL that I didn't have the bad manners myself to reprimand them on their lack of a thank you. Imagine how embarrassing it would have been for me to do so? I think the people who think thank you notes are nice are all over the age groups. But something tells me the people think they must be sent at any and all cost are in the over 50, or even over 60 crowd. |
Anonymous
Lol!! This is it in a nutshell! Thread over. There really is a generational difference. The under 30's seem to be more entitled as if they deserve it. Why on Earth should they give thanks? |
Anonymous
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PP here. That was poorly written. Just disregard. MOral of the story: couple did NOT write a thank you, we assumed something must have come up, and learned that something very troubling had happened to them. I was glad we didn't point out their etiquette breach.
For the record, I always write thank you notes. When I have time, I actually enjoy writing them. But writing hundreds at once was daunting, and getting flack for sending some of them late was just really illuminating. Those people cared less about giving us something nice than they did about checking a box and having the box checked back. See, I don't think gift giving is an obligation. I see it as a joyful part of life. Same with thanking someone. I personally like handwriting notes (within reason!) and prefer it to phone or email. But I'd never shame someone for using modern technology to convey their message. It's not the medium that matters to me. |
Anonymous
| Um... Who mentioned "shaming" anyone? I write them, I expect that if I take the time to get a gift for someone they'll thank me for it, and I certainly expect that the least I can do for someone else is to take a few minutes to do the same. If I send three gifts and never get so much as an acknowledgement of the gifts' arrival, I am a doormat. My time is valuable. Those who say their time is too valuable to sit and write a TY note clearly feel their time is more valuable than mine was in selecting, purchasing, wrapping, and mailing or driving the gift. Which do you suppose took longer? I don't call and tell anyone I think they lack manners or that their sense of entitlement is crass. I stop spending my time on them. My time is too valuable to waste on them. It's also far too valuable to waste on educating them. That was their parents' job. I have children of my own. |
Anonymous
| Not writing TY notes is poor manners. Pointing out poor manners is also poor manners. The question was if I spend LESS TIME on people who can't be bothered and I stop sending gifts, not if I spend MORE TIME on them and become ill-mannered myself. Who does that?! |
Anonymous
Oh, brother! 
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Anonymous
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I think the secret is getting your kids on a continuation of writing thank you notes then they are more likely to just do it when they get older.
Something like this - but I can't just let my kids remember on their own- there is no way they would actually follow through and do it consistently without me nagging them. http://www.thankyounotetips.com/2012/01/15/agethan/ I don't get why people are so up in arms about this - if you want to write a note, write a note, if you don't, don't! I kind of think its rude not to, but what others do isn't going to change my life any. |
Anonymous
I'm 46 and rarely write thank you notes any more. I supposed my age and experience has taught me that they're not meaningful except to let the giver know the gift was received. There are many other ways to express thanks than in written form. I don't know why people limit themselves so. |