"Happy wife, happy life"

[Anonymous]

"We both worked and shared household chores, but like many women I took on those extra duties to make things nice and special."

Do men give a rat's ass about this shit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it rings true. Then again, I also think that the "men are like tile floors. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever." quote is also true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

Men, think hard about why this is true.

The researchers speculate that men are biologically better able to tolerate lack of sleep. I think that if men are tired or unhappy they are less likely to make an issue of it. They keep it to themselves.

OMG, really? They keep it to themselves my ass. When has that EVER happened?

My husband does. He NEVER complains, I'm the whiner in the relationship. His ability to suffer and continue to plug on is amazing, I could probably count on one hand the number of time I have heard him complain and it has never once been over a lack of sleep, despite having children who were horrid sleepers and both of us working FT, therefore fully sharing in all household duties and night wakings.

he's the kind if guy who can have pneumonia and still go to work each and every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

Men, think hard about why this is true.

The researchers speculate that men are biologically better able to tolerate lack of sleep. I think that if men are tired or unhappy they are less likely to make an issue of it. They keep it to themselves.

OMG, really? They keep it to themselves my ass. When has that EVER happened?

Oh, you have no idea what men don't say. Remember how you say they don't talk enough, share feelings? For everything you hear, there are three things they are not talking about because they are sucking it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, you have no idea what men don't say. Remember how you say they don't talk enough, share feelings? For everything you hear, there are three things they are not talking about because they are sucking it up.

So very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's a bit sexist, but I can be completely true. My ex stopped caring how his actions affected me or whether I was happy, I divorced him, and now his life is not nearly as nice w/o me to plan nice trips, make the holidays special, cook nice meals, and otherwise create a nice family home environment. We both worked and shared household chores, but like many women I took on those extra duties to make things nice and special.

I think it tends to be true b/c women are more often the ones who weave and hold together the social fabric of the home (and society). Women are often the ones who do the "executive function tasks" things that make families function smoothly and are more often the ones who give more and do more. So when the women are not happy, those tasks may not be done, may not be done as well or as efficiently or may be done with some amount of resentment. And since 'everyone' else benefits from the work that the 'happy wife' does, thus the saying. I don't think it means that the wives are entitled and that men must subjugate their needs constantly for his wife. But that doing things to ensure her happiness allows for the 'executive function tasks' to be completed, thus enabling his own happiness as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's a bit sexist, but I can be completely true. My ex stopped caring how his actions affected me or whether I was happy, I divorced him, and now his life is not nearly as nice w/o me to plan nice trips, make the holidays special, cook nice meals, and otherwise create a nice family home environment. We both worked and shared household chores, but like many women I took on those extra duties to make things nice and special.

I think it tends to be true b/c women are more often the ones who weave and hold together the social fabric of the home (and society). Women are often the ones who do the "executive function tasks" things that make families function smoothly and are more often the ones who give more and do more. So when the women are not happy, those tasks may not be done, may not be done as well or as efficiently or may be done with some amount of resentment. And since 'everyone' else benefits from the work that the 'happy wife' does, thus the saying. I don't think it means that the wives are entitled and that men must subjugate their needs constantly for his wife. But that doing things to ensure her happiness allows for the 'executive function tasks' to be completed, thus enabling his own happiness as well.

Everyone benefits from the work that both parents do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

Men, think hard about why this is true.

The researchers speculate that men are biologically better able to tolerate lack of sleep. I think that if men are tired or unhappy they are less likely to make an issue of it. They keep it to themselves.

OMG, really? They keep it to themselves my ass. When has that EVER happened?

Oh, you have no idea what men don't say. Remember how you say they don't talk enough, share feelings? For everything you hear, there are three things they are not talking about because they are sucking it up.

DH here. ITA with this. From a very early age, men are taught to "suck it up" and not to complain. (Of course, it doesn't take in all men, and there are certainly plenty of whiners and slackers out there; my sympathies if you have one of those.) And in many marriages, for all the talk of men needing to share their feelings, any expressions of vulnerability are viewed as weakness and the DW resents that, because it makes her feel less secure. Lots of us just keep our mouths shut after a while. Eventually the smart men converge on "yes, dear" as the most rational solution to managing married life. Not that we are thrilled with that, but it is the best option of those available in most situations.

[Anonymous]

Studies show that statistically marriage, good or bad, benefits men, in terms of health, longevity, happiness, economics, etc. However, women only benefit if they are in a happy marriage. (Que in the anecdotes--but, remember, these are large, scale studies.)

http://www.enn.com/health/article/43129

It makes sense to me that if you want women to benefit from marriage, too, then the couple had better make sure that the woman is "happy," because chances are, she isn't getting nearly as much out of marriage as her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

How does this square with the studies that show that mothers are more likely than fathers to wake up to care for children during the night - even when both have equal responsibilities out of the house? I think that many mothers are getting less sleep than fathers. It seems very common to me, from what I know of myself and friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and I thinkit's true. If a husband does the things to make his wife content - i.e., HELP HER - the wife is more relaxed, happier - and he's more likely to get laid more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

How does this square with the studies that show that mothers are more likely than fathers to wake up to care for children during the night - even when both have equal responsibilities out of the house? I think that many mothers are getting less sleep than fathers. It seems very common to me, from what I know of myself and friends.

Women as a whole sleep more than men. That may not be true during infancy, but most of married life is not spent with infants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

How does this square with the studies that show that mothers are more likely than fathers to wake up to care for children during the night - even when both have equal responsibilities out of the house? I think that many mothers are getting less sleep than fathers. It seems very common to me, from what I know of myself and friends.

Women as a whole sleep more than men. That may not be true during infancy, but most of married life is not spent with infants.

And I suppose that would also explain why there is a lot of marital discord in the infant years as well, if women are not getting enough sleep.

[Anonymous]

"I think it tends to be true b/c women are more often the ones who weave and hold together the social fabric of the home (and society)."

Most of which is a big bag of B.S.