"Happy wife, happy life"

[Anonymous]

I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's a bit sexist, but I can be completely true. My ex stopped caring how his actions affected me or whether I was happy, I divorced him, and now his life is not nearly as nice w/o me to plan nice trips, make the holidays special, cook nice meals, and otherwise create a nice family home environment. We both worked and shared household chores, but like many women I took on those extra duties to make things nice and special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

Men, think hard about why this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's a bit sexist, but I can be completely true. My ex stopped caring how his actions affected me or whether I was happy, I divorced him, and now his life is not nearly as nice w/o me to plan nice trips, make the holidays special, cook nice meals, and otherwise create a nice family home environment. We both worked and shared household chores, but like many women I took on those extra duties to make things nice and special.

The question to ask is if he really has a worse life because he's missing those things. Just like the pp who worried about tiles and such, I think it's in our (women's) heads that that stuff matters - but honestly, do men really care if the table looks nice or the tiles are white or eggwhite color? My guess is that they really don't even notice or care - we just think they do and we just think we're making their lives better.

I always understood that phrase to imply a nagging wife. If you didn't keep her happy she'd be nagging you all the time. Better to just keep her happy - it keeps you happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are thinking about the saying too much...in my house it just means that I am the one who worries about stuff more. If I am happy with things, then everyone else is less stressed because I am less stressed. (Examples: Did my husband care what the tile looked like in our newly renovated bathroom? No, but I did and put a lot of effort into finding something I thought was great. Did it matter to my husband what the Christmas dinner table looked like? Not really...although, he did say it looked great and appreciated the effort. Does my husband really care if we get organic milk for our daughter. Honestly, he probably has not given it much thought BUT he does the grocery shopping and remembers that is my preference.) It has nothing to do with not having an equal relationship.

You need a life and need to get out more. Your poor husband, these are your top concerns and "worries"?

Where did I say these are my top concerns and worries?!?!? They were just examples of little things that would irk me...point being that they are SMALL things that make a difference to me but my husband could care less about. Those little everyday things are what this saying is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's change it: Happy spouse, happy house.

If I'm not happy, our whole family suffers, and same for my spouse. The original saying isn't one I love, but there's a grain of truth in it. Our happiness depends in part on the happiness of those we love.

Love this! So true. As someone whose husband has battled depression, I know that we all suffered before he got help and got it under control.

I love this, too!

We often say, "Happy parents, happy children." It's our reminder to take care of ourselves and each other, not just the kids. It works wonders.

[Anonymous]

We used to say (about my mother), "If Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." (Don't worry, we know how to use correct English). I find it holds pretty true.

[Anonymous]

It's a useful thing for husbands to think. Most men don't spend as much time attending to their wives as the wives do to them. So if this reminds the guy that he should think about his wife once in a while, well that's not so bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

But this is a population study vs. person to person. I'm the poster whose husband battled depression. Since he wouldn't take meds we worked on other things that may help like ensuring he got more sleep (he wasn't getting nearly enough) and starting exercising again (he used to be an avid runner and biker before kids and that had stopped). I had already found ways to incorporate adequate sleep and exercise in my routine and he hadn't. That along with counseling made a difference.

So while on a population level women may do worse with less sleep, in our house it was something we targeted for my husband. I don't know - I just don't buy that if I'm balanced and healthy (because no one is happy all the time) that my husband is. He, and we, needed to work to get him more balanced/happier and THEN things got better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

But this is a population study vs. person to person. I'm the poster whose husband battled depression. Since he wouldn't take meds we worked on other things that may help like ensuring he got more sleep (he wasn't getting nearly enough) and starting exercising again (he used to be an avid runner and biker before kids and that had stopped). I had already found ways to incorporate adequate sleep and exercise in my routine and he hadn't. That along with counseling made a difference.

So while on a population level women may do worse with less sleep, in our house it was something we targeted for my husband. I don't know - I just don't buy that if I'm balanced and healthy (because no one is happy all the time) that my husband is. He, and we, needed to work to get him more balanced/happier and THEN things got better.

Well duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

Men, think hard about why this is true.

The researchers speculate that men are biologically better able to tolerate lack of sleep. I think that if men are tired or unhappy they are less likely to make an issue of it. They keep it to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband and I'm not a fan of the saying, but not all things are equal between men and women. For instance, a recent study found that lack of sleep affected marital happiness -- but only if the lack of sleep was the wife's. The husband's lack of sleep did not have a large impact on marriage overall.

So there may be some truth that making a wife happy is more important for the relationship than making a husband happy.

Men, think hard about why this is true.

The researchers speculate that men are biologically better able to tolerate lack of sleep. I think that if men are tired or unhappy they are less likely to make an issue of it. They keep it to themselves.

OMG, really? They keep it to themselves my ass. When has that EVER happened?

[Anonymous]

I think it rings true. Then again, I also think that the "men are like tile floors. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever." quote is also true.

[Anonymous]

My mom, a psychologist, told my now husband this just before our wedding. Oddly enough she did not mention this to me. He told me years later that she had told him this and said the statement was supported by research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the message is that mom often sets the tone for the entire home. And it's true. My husband says stuff like that all the time.

Married 25 years.

This!!