child behaves better with nanny than parents- normal?

[Anonymous]

Where did OP say she does not "discipline" her toddler or set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Question from FTM who has a 2 year old who is exhibiting this behavior (child is better behaved with nanny). How do you reason, give time out, make child understand NO w/o having child meltdown at this age? We try to either ignore or distract. Sometimes this works but not always.

Can nannies provide some helpful strategies for dealing with this behavior?
Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Interesting perspective. My kid was like this as a baby, toddler, and still, as a 9 year old. Now he can tell me why he does it, though. He'll spend his day at school, where he is described as helpful, empathetic, and curious. He'll come home, grump about his homework, rebel at doing the dishes, and refuse to talk to his grandmother on the phone. Then as I sit next to him in his bedroom as he's winding down for sleep he'll say "I'm sorry, Mom. I was kinda a jerk this evening." Long, long pause. "I didn't pass my multiplication quiz. And the whole grade got banned from playing tag games at recess because one person had his feelings hurt, and I love tag and now we can't play all year long."

We save our big stuff for the people we love. Grown ups, 9 year olds, and toddlers.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Nonsense, but I love your optimistic point of view...getting a two year old to stop "whining." Hilarious. Nannies and day care providers usually are with the toddlers when the children are well-rested and at their best. Parents have to deal with the tricky times of day. Early mornings can be rough, because of the rushed routine, and toddlers hate a rushed routine they can't completely control. And that time between 5 o'clock and bedtime (the unhappy hour) is the worst. Toddlers are tired and frequently overstimulated. The transition time between dinner and bedtime can be quite a challenge for all parties.

I disagree. I have been a nanny for years. The kids act the way they do with their parents because they are allowed to. Of course a toddler will whine, but how much they whine and if they get what they want from whining depend on the adult's reaction. Toddlers have hundreds of neurons firing every second, so they are very emotional, but also able to understand basic consequences. I have been an over night nanny, weekend, date night, and currently a regular daytime nanny. Kids change behavior quite quickly when I see them on a regular basis, but their behavior doesn't change for the parents. My current family's parents are willing to see what works and it is helping. The mother is open to suggestion and she is seeing improvement. Her toddler is wild when I am not there because it breaks her heart, and ends up giving in just to get peace, but she is working on staying strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Nonsense, but I love your optimistic point of view...getting a two year old to stop "whining." Hilarious. Nannies and day care providers usually are with the toddlers when the children are well-rested and at their best. Parents have to deal with the tricky times of day. Early mornings can be rough, because of the rushed routine, and toddlers hate a rushed routine they can't completely control. And that time between 5 o'clock and bedtime (the unhappy hour) is the worst. Toddlers are tired and frequently overstimulated. The transition time between dinner and bedtime can be quite a challenge for all parties.

This thread is 5 years old...someone is bored


I disagree. I have been a nanny for years. The kids act the way they do with their parents because they are allowed to. Of course a toddler will whine, but how much they whine and if they get what they want from whining depend on the adult's reaction. Toddlers have hundreds of neurons firing every second, so they are very emotional, but also able to understand basic consequences. I have been an over night nanny, weekend, date night, and currently a regular daytime nanny. Kids change behavior quite quickly when I see them on a regular basis, but their behavior doesn't change for the parents. My current family's parents are willing to see what works and it is helping. The mother is open to suggestion and she is seeing improvement. Her toddler is wild when I am not there because it breaks her heart, and ends up giving in just to get peace, but she is working on staying strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Nanny here.

This.

I find it hard to believe you are a parent, if this is your opinion.

I used to share the same view when I was a nanny. Thought I had it all figured out. And then I became a parent.

[Anonymous]

If I only saw my children when both they and I were at our worst, (like you say, transition times/them being exhausted me being exhausted after a "long day") I would probably think the same. I'm on team Nanny, here, and I've never been a Nanny, just a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

I'm a teacher and you are so right. Great point

Meh, so am I. I've worked with young children with emotional and behavioral issues for over 15 years. My school kids are better behaved for me than for their parents. My own kids are better behaved for their day care provider than they are for me. It's just the way it goes when there is less of an emotional attachment/baggage with someone.

[Anonymous]

eh, normal. I'm on the disciplinarian side of things, but my wild oldest kid was still much worse behaved with me than she was at daycare. I assure you she did not get away with more at home. There were time-outs aplenty during the terrible twos, especially during a particularly violent phase at 2.5. If anything, I think they were more inclined to bribe for good behavior at daycare than I typically am.

In any case, OP, you do need to make sure you have consistent discipline but don't stress if DC saves the big tantrums for you.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel bad OP. My kids are the same. All of my nannies tell me that as soon as they can hear the keys turn and I step in, they switch on their special drama for me. They are different with the nanny. And the nannies tell me all kids with working parents behave this way...they know how to manipulate us, maybe it is some kind of "punishment" for not being with them all day. Not sure.
Single Mom of Twins, working full time

[Anonymous]

Normal. You know how when you get home after a long day you just want to put on sweats and not deal with people for a while? You know how sometimes we treat our spouses less nicely than we should? Nag, criticize sometimes? Get mad at them sometimes? How we almost never do that to our coworkers and acquaintances? Toddlers are the same as we are but with less emotional control.

[Anonymous]

I am a full-time Nanny and the child I care for acts very fresh and whiny when parent is working from home. Most of the time she does not try to pull that with me. I do not allow her to throw things from the table or scream unnecessarily she loves to eat and I give her a good amount of food but when the parent is home they overfeed and let her have whatever she wants! This is very frustrating and I haven't even told the parent that she acts out. They refuse to believe that she is turning into a brat. I have watched many children for the past 12 years but this one is a real handful when the parents are around.