child behaves better with nanny than parents- normal?

[Anonymous]

My 19 month old is generally very well behaved and fairly easy going; but, she definitely fusses WAY less with her nanny than with her parents. For example, she will fight me when I try and feed her (she wants to feed herself and does not want ANY help), but when her nanny feeds her she eats more food and allows her to help. When her dad changes her diaper, she squirms and gets restless, but she is completely still for the nanny. When I put her down for a nap, she fights sleep and cries if I leave her alone. With our nanny, she goes down without a peep! At the end of the workday when I get home, she is so excited to see me, but she immediately wants to be held and starts whining. Our nanny tells us that she rarely whines during the day- and on days when I've worked from home, I've observed that this is true. Anyone else experience this kind of thing? Makes me feel like I'm not a very effective mother.

[Anonymous]

totally normal... she's saving the best for you

[Anonymous]

My 20 month old is the exact same way and I have always heard it is normal. My (part-time) nanny has never had a major temper tantrum directed at her (though she has witnessed them when DH or I have arrived home)!

[Anonymous]

As a former nanny during my college years and now a working Mom, I can say YES. It is absolutely normal. I find that when my in laws visit, DD wants nothing to do with them if I'm in the room and becomes super whiny when they try to engage her. Once I'm gone, she is very well behaved. You are a good mom and it's no reflection on you. She's more likely to be well behaved with the nanny since the nanny can't be manipulated by pulling on heartstrings. It's common and nothing to be worried about. My guess is your DD also cried with the nanny when first changed and put down for a nap. The nanny likely did not respond which is why your child doesn't do it anymore. It's easier to get a reaction out of you and she knows the nanny will not come back at naptime if she cries but you will. I say this because I experienced the same thing with DD#1.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely normal!!

[Anonymous]

She knows who she can manipulate and how. She's a smart kid that's all

[Anonymous]

This is exactly the reason it is so difficult to be a nanny when one of the parents works from home. Children behave entirely different and it is stress for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Nonsense, but I love your optimistic point of view...getting a two year old to stop "whining." Hilarious. Nannies and day care providers usually are with the toddlers when the children are well-rested and at their best. Parents have to deal with the tricky times of day. Early mornings can be rough, because of the rushed routine, and toddlers hate a rushed routine they can't completely control. And that time between 5 o'clock and bedtime (the unhappy hour) is the worst. Toddlers are tired and frequently overstimulated. The transition time between dinner and bedtime can be quite a challenge for all parties.

[Anonymous]

Normal. DD has started hitting me (she's 1) and occasionally DH, but has never laid a finger on her careprovider, grandparents or toddler friends. She'll hit and then immediately look for a reaction. Clearly she's trying to learn what the boundary is and we are consistent in discipline with either an immediate stern "no hitting" or even a short timeout if I'm in a position to do so. i.e. If I'm in the process of getting her int he carseat, I don't pull her out to do a timeout.

It's also the outlet. Think how we behave professionally at work all day but then come home and unload on our spouses or call a friend to vent. Same thing with your child. Long stressful day, and she needs to get it off her chest with the person she loves and trusts the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal. DD has started hitting me (she's 1) and occasionally DH, but has never laid a finger on her careprovider, grandparents or toddler friends. She'll hit and then immediately look for a reaction. Clearly she's trying to learn what the boundary is and we are consistent in discipline with either an immediate stern "no hitting" or even a short timeout if I'm in a position to do so. i.e. If I'm in the process of getting her int he carseat, I don't pull her out to do a timeout.

It's also the outlet. Think how we behave professionally at work all day but then come home and unload on our spouses or call a friend to vent. Same thing with your child. Long stressful day, and she needs to get it off her chest with the person she loves and trusts the most.

I like that. makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:totally normal... she's saving the best for you

And, why shouldn't she? Afterall, you're her mother and she has not need to be perfect around you.

[Anonymous]

Nanny and mom here. This is completely normal. I used to watch my brother completely meltdown when returning from preschool when I was a teen. I have yet to meet another kid who doesn't do something similar...even my own. I agree with the PP who said it was about unloading at the end of a stressful day.

[Anonymous]

Comes from sense of unconditional love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that everybody is trying to make the mother feel better. To be honest the reason the children behave better with the nanny is because she is consistent with discipline. Parents dismiss a lot of whining and bad behavior where the nanny will say no, reason, or give the child a time out. If parents took more time out to say no to the whining and bad behavior it would be consistent all around!

Nanny here.

This.