What We Can Learn From the Dutch About Teen Sex

[Anonymous]

I suspect that humans mature at the same rate all over the planet.
To those pointing out the dangers of teen sex, the whole point of this is that Dutch teenagers are less promiscuous than US teenagers, not more. There are much lower rates of teen pregnancy, STDs etc. Sex is confined to committed, loving relationships.

It seems to me that this is much more healthy than the US approach, where youth culture is totally sexualised, yet at the same time most parents are extremely repressive about sex. It is no wonder that so many young people here have no idea how to behave.

[Anonymous]

I will not allow my kids to drink, do drugs or have sex under my roof. My job as their parent, is to protect them. They are not mature enough to have sex, and they don't need to experiment with drugs, or use alcohol. When their brains are more mature, and they are able to handle dealing with these things, then yes, they will be able to make their own decisions. But while they are living with me, my job is to be their parent, not their friend or co-conspirator. This is their only chance to be children, and I will protect this precious time in their lives. They have the rest of their lives to have sex, drink, do drugs, if that's what they want. I won't be able to stop them, but I hope that by then, they will make responsible decisions and good choices.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that humans mature at the same rate all over the planet.
To those pointing out the dangers of teen sex, the whole point of this is that Dutch teenagers are less promiscuous than US teenagers, not more. There are much lower rates of teen pregnancy, STDs etc. Sex is confined to committed, loving relationships.

It seems to me that this is much more healthy than the US approach, where youth culture is totally sexualised, yet at the same time most parents are extremely repressive about sex. It is no wonder that so many young people here have no idea how to behave.

I agree with you, but I don't think there's any way to convince the people who feel the need to protect their teenagers that this approach actually makes more sense. Treat them like adults and prepare them for the world. They will surprise you with what they are capable of doing. I also understand that every child is different and every parent should make the choice that they feel is right for their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that humans mature at the same rate all over the planet.
To those pointing out the dangers of teen sex, the whole point of this is that Dutch teenagers are less promiscuous than US teenagers, not more. There are much lower rates of teen pregnancy, STDs etc. Sex is confined to committed, loving relationships.

It seems to me that this is much more healthy than the US approach, where youth culture is totally sexualised, yet at the same time most parents are extremely repressive about sex. It is no wonder that so many young people here have no idea how to behave.

Dutch teenagers are not less promiscuous, culture is sexualized in its own way. The difference must be that the parents are not extremely repressive about sex. Young people are able to talk about taboo subjects with their parents.
I get the impression that in a lot of families the parents just do not have time for their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in the U.S., not Europe. Our culture is different, and we follow different rules. Our country is far larger and more heterogeneous than is the Netherlands. It's unfair to compare statistics for the two countries, and then say, "See, the Dutch know what they are doing!" It's not a fair comparison. You have to consider context and the overall culture, and the customs of the culture. Europeans tend to have sex earlier than Americans, and tend to get married earlier. Their culture encourages earlier maturation. It's entirely different here in the U.S., where kids mature later.

I will not allow my kids to drink, do drugs or have sex under my roof. My job as their parent, is to protect them. They are not mature enough to have sex, and they don't need to experiment with drugs, or use alcohol. When their brains are more mature, and they are able to handle dealing with these things, then yes, they will be able to make their own decisions. But while they are living with me, my job is to be their parent, not their friend or co-conspirator. This is their only chance to be children, and I will protect this precious time in their lives. They have the rest of their lives to have sex, drink, do drugs, if that's what they want. I won't be able to stop them, but I hope that by then, they will make responsible decisions and good choices.

Completely agree! Also, in the Nederlands, you may find children living with parents late until they are 20 and older because there is not the available homes for them to move to. Also, children do not move away from families like they do here in the USA. While I agree that my country has a lot to teach Americans about drug laws, gun violence and sexually awareness, to compare the two countries is just silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect that humans mature at the same rate all over the planet.
To those pointing out the dangers of teen sex, the whole point of this is that Dutch teenagers are less promiscuous than US teenagers, not more. There are much lower rates of teen pregnancy, STDs etc. Sex is confined to committed, loving relationships.

It seems to me that this is much more healthy than the US approach, where youth culture is totally sexualised, yet at the same time most parents are extremely repressive about sex. It is no wonder that so many young people here have no idea how to behave.

Dutch teenagers are not less promiscuous, culture is sexualized in its own way. The difference must be that the parents are not extremely repressive about sex. Young people are able to talk about taboo subjects with their parents.
I get the impression that in a lot of families the parents just do not have time for their kids

I believe this to be true. When you grow up with a redlight district and cannabis shops in your town, parents must teach their children about sex and drugs. I find in USA, you hide these things from your children - so they figure them out for themselves. My children where taught about sex and drugs at a young age - what is safe and what is not. I imagine how I parents is very different.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you don't think it's right to make direct comparisons between the Netherlands and the U.S., but that doesn't mean we can't learn anything from the way the Dutch educate/parent their children. We can say, this works for them, why does it work for them, and maybe re-evaluate our approach based on a different perspective.

Also, in the Nederlands, you may find children living with parents late until they are 20 and older because there is not the available homes for them to move to. Also, children do not move away from families like they do here in the USA.

PP, do you consider this a good thing or a bad thing, or are you just pointing out that it's one difference between the two countries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, in the Nederlands, you may find children living with parents late until they are 20 and older because there is not the available homes for them to move to.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME?!? THAT'S TOTALLY CRAZY!!

http://www.calculatedriskblog.com/2010/12/under-35-living-with-parents-vs.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+CalculatedRisk+%28Calculated+Risk%29

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and let your sexually liberated child sleep with my underage teen and see how fast he has a statutory rape charge filed against him. Let them do it in your house with your consent and the next charge is filed against you. Parents. Act like parents.

Statutory rape is not consensual sex between two underage kids. It is between an adult and an underage person. Many states also require that there is at least a two year age gap between the parties to consider something statutory rape, to avoid the situation where a girlfriend/boyfriend turns 18 and the other teen's parents press charges against his/her wishes.

Since consensual sex between minors is not illegal, it is not illegal to know that teens are having consensual sex in a location (like a private residence) where sex may be legally had.

[Anonymous]

This past Sunday's NYT mag has a terrific article on sex ed for teens and it sounded very Euro to me....and also healthy. I saved it for ref. for my own girls when they are nearer to their teens.