Is this a problem or is this ok? re: porn

[Anonymous]

DW here who has a higher libido than DH (he's happy with once a week). I use my vibrator in bed right next to him to get off a few times a week when he's too tired. He doesn't mind..he doesn't expect me to be sexually frustrated just because the amount of sex we like varies. We have a great marriage otherwise so it's an easy way to help out with the imbalance. So it seems normal to me, moreso because you're honest with each other about it. I'm too old to try to sneak my masturbating, you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW here who has a higher libido than DH (he's happy with once a week). I use my vibrator in bed right next to him to get off a few times a week when he's too tired.[b] He doesn't mind..he doesn't expect me to be sexually frustrated just because the amount of sex we like varies. We have a great marriage otherwise so it's an easy way to help out with the imbalance. So it seems normal to me, moreso because you're honest with each other about it. I'm too old to try to sneak my masturbating, you know?

Wow. I can't believe this doesn't make him want to participate. Amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. I can't believe this doesn't make him want to participate. Amazing.

Yeah. I'm just a more sexual person than he is. It's always been that way but is emphasized even more now that we're mid-30s...my sex drive is ramping up while his is ramping down. And I'm a night person so have lots of sexual energy right before bed whereas he's worn out from the day and just collapses asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Doesn't sound very sexy, huh? But that's our reality right now. I think it's very common for spouses to have varying sex drives and if your monogamous you have to find ways around it. Mine is a lot of fantasizing and masturbating and taking sex from DH when I can get it, which sounds very similar to what the OP's DH is doing.

[Anonymous]

DH here.Why don't you video yourself " getting off" saying your DH name very seductively. Set the tv up before you go to bed. While he is watching it you come down stairs with just a smile and rock his world. I'm just saying. I think that would jump start both of you guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TSFG, In other posts I have detailed the exploitative aspect of porn that troubles me. Aside from that, in my experience masturbating and porn increase sexual desire and frustration, which is the last thing you need if you are in a sexless marriage. I find it easier to cope in a life completely devoid of sex in any form than one with frequent but unfulfilling solo orgasms. But I am a woman. Perhaps a man in a sexless marriage could not take this route.

This is one of the most depressing things I have ever read in my life. And I am a woman. You are intentionally killing off a very important part of yourself because it's better than any alternative you can think of. I am not judging you-- I have no idea what I would do if I were you. But this makes me sad.

Have cried about this more times than I can count. But life is passing me by and I am determined to remain married to DH, who is otherwise a wonderful spouse. I chose this solution after years of trying others: exercising, fantasizing, counseling, redirecting love to our kids...Nothing else has worked so well. I have even asked my OB/GYN if he could prescribe a medicine that would lower my libido.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TSFG, In other posts I have detailed the exploitative aspect of porn that troubles me. Aside from that, in my experience masturbating and porn increase sexual desire and frustration, which is the last thing you need if you are in a sexless marriage. I find it easier to cope in a life completely devoid of sex in any form than one with frequent but unfulfilling solo orgasms. But I am a woman. Perhaps a man in a sexless marriage could not take this route.

This is one of the most depressing things I have ever read in my life. And I am a woman. You are intentionally killing off a very important part of yourself because it's better than any alternative you can think of. I am not judging you-- I have no idea what I would do if I were you. But this makes me sad.

Have cried about this more times than I can count. But life is passing me by and I am determined to remain married to DH, who is otherwise a wonderful spouse. I chose this solution after years of trying others: exercising, fantasizing, counseling, redirecting love to our kids...Nothing else has worked so well. I have even asked my OB/GYN if he could prescribe a medicine that would lower my libido.

So sorry pp. I hope this situation gets better for you somehow. In this case, I would ask my husband for permission to have affairs and would have a very hard time understanding how someone who loves you could expect you to remain celibate for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here.Why don't you video yourself " getting off" saying your DH name very seductively. Set the tv up before you go to bed. While he is watching it you come down stairs with just a smile and rock his world. I'm just saying. I think that would jump start both of you guys.

love this idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gettin' it six times per year max and still believe porn is wrong. Yes, it sucks, but "this is the business we have chosen." I really do believe that directing those valid sexual feelings into the porn channel would just make a bad situation worse. OP, daily recourse to porn would bother me although I could understand (if not be thrilled about) viewing it a few times each month.

This is what I love about sex, romance, and relationships. There's someone for everyone! If I were in a relationship with PP I'd likely kill myself, or become entangled in an endless web of illicit sexual intrigue. But DW is GGG, and we have tons of sex, watch some porn alone and together, and just generally have a great loving, sexual relationship.

Woo hoo!

[Anonymous]

It's normal. Don't worry. Better than than another woman.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a healthy relationship but I think it would still concern me. Why does he need porn to masterbate? I mean, I occasionally watch porn so I don't have a problem with it in general, but I do notice when I watch it that I have a harder time getting sexually aroused for DH and i become a bit dependent on it. I'm Sure this doesn't happen to everyone but it's pretty common. I also think there is little porn that exists for men that doesn't give them unrealistic expectations of sex. It takes all the real and true eroticism out of sex and replaces it with cum in your face shots. I'd tell him to masterbate all he wants, but porn more than a couple times a month would make me uneasy.

[Anonymous]

DH here. In his head he's fantasizing on other women. When i need to masturbate as i have more libido than my wife's i watch a video i made when we made love not of somebody else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal. Don't worry. Better than than another woman.

2011 thread ?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal. Don't worry. Better than than another woman.

2011 thread ?!

You don't think wives don't have porn concerns today?

[Anonymous]

I wonder who is resurrecting all these old threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TSFG, In other posts I have detailed the exploitative aspect of porn that troubles me. Aside from that, in my experience masturbating and porn increase sexual desire and frustration, which is the last thing you need if you are in a sexless marriage. I find it easier to cope in a life completely devoid of sex in any form than one with frequent but unfulfilling solo orgasms. But I am a woman. Perhaps a man in a sexless marriage could not take this route.

This is one of the most depressing things I have ever read in my life. And I am a woman. You are intentionally killing off a very important part of yourself because it's better than any alternative you can think of. I am not judging you-- I have no idea what I would do if I were you. But this makes me sad.

Divorced guy enters debate:

I do not think that porn should be substituted for intimacy/sex in a marriage because that's really a Pandora's Box that will burst open down the line.

I have a real high sex drive, but like the other poster, staying away from all things sexual altogether is perhaps the best way to temper sexual desire, than to use porn or anything else to stimulate it. I don't equate masturbation with porn, and so masturbation is a substitute, but porn isn't. My personal view of porn is that it is so fake, unreal, and boring after the woman takes off her clothes. Anything other than the real thing will just not do for me.

My experience when I was married and not getting any, is that looking at porn in the other room while the wife slept her lazy ass off, increased the frustration and contradiction of having sex available, but can't have sex. Looking at fake sex only made me mad to say the least, but that is a personal view. I can understand if some married couples wanted to use porn to substitute intimacy/sex though, but I would prefer getting off on explicit pictures of my wife than on some fake wanna be celebrity who is playing up to the camera. If pictures/videos of my wife cannot not do it for me, then what's the point of her being in my life?!

Perhaps I am too philosophical, but that's my contribution.