"Failure to launch" siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guessing these FTL siblings are proud of the success of PPs and talk lots about them. Curious though what PPs say, or do you say anything, about FTL sibs to colleagues or friends who ask about your family.

My sister is smart, got good grades in high school, was recruited by Harvard but ended in the honors program at a top state school. Well, she has been going to school on and off for the past 11 years and is still not finished. My parents finally cut her off after she used my dad's credit card number to do some online shopping without telling him. I've had collections agencies call my house looking for her so I know she's has a lot of debt. She lived with me for a short time when I was in college. She was always behind on rent, had borrowed money from me, and spent all the money she earned on new clothes. I finally kicked her out and since she had spent all her money, she had to call my parents to ask them if she move back home and had them buy her a bus ticket. I don't have a problem talking about her and her FTL status to colleagues or friends who ask about my family. I don't offer up the information, but if they ask specifically what my sisters do, I tell them without getting into a lot of details or making it into a big deal.

[Anonymous]

DH has a close friend that still lives with his parents - he's 30. His job is at the family company and even then, his hours are certainly less than the typical 40 hr work week. As far as him living with them still, I think part of it is cultural - not moving out until he's married sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guessing these FTL siblings are proud of the success of PPs and talk lots about them. Curious though what PPs say, or do you say anything, about FTL sibs to colleagues or friends who ask about your family.

I just bluntly admit that I'm from a white trash family.

[Anonymous]

To the PP with the socially challenged brother that is a good uncle - as a child my parents and I visited friends with a son on the spectrum. He was 17 and I was 9 at the time - we got on marvelously! Mainly because developmentally we could connect. Anyway it's possible that he connects with your kids better than adults for similar reasons.

[Anonymous]

I had the opposite problem, with parents who were dead against me 'launching'.
They would not let me get a drivers license. After school I had to pay my way thru college so I stayed at home and attended community college. In the end I left at 22, but made the mistake of returning home and lived there another few months. It was terrible.
When I left I left with no furniture. I was not allowed to take even my bed. I had absolutely nothing.
Eventually I got my license at age 23. That was because I had good friends who cared about me.
I think that in a lot of these cases the parents hang on for some reason and do not let the kids move on. With me my dad was alchoholic and mom depended on me

[Anonymous]

Re: the disabled uncle, I also have one of these. Profoundly autistic. He is able to work a menial job (he's held the same one for decades), and he has a couple of hobbies that he pursues with singleminded drive. But he can never live alone, and we're all very worried about what will happen when his parents die.

As for me, I have a sibling who never graduated college and never worked any job for more than a few months. It's partly due to bad ADHD, partly due to parental coddling. Sibling married very well and stays home with kids. We see this as a good result, as the working spouse is happy to have a SAH spouse and puts up with all the annoyances that come with ADHD and the general personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well this is interesting. My brother and my BIL are still at home. Both late 20's. Both have education and potential so not really sure what the hell is going on.

My dad has a theory about this. He says feminism is to blame. He says that when women bring home the bacon that men lose whatever motivation they had to support the family. He believes that professional wives cause depression and other mental illness in their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the opposite problem, with parents who were dead against me 'launching'.
They would not let me get a drivers license. After school I had to pay my way thru college so I stayed at home and attended community college. In the end I left at 22, but made the mistake of returning home and lived there another few months. It was terrible.
When I left I left with no furniture. I was not allowed to take even my bed. I had absolutely nothing.
Eventually I got my license at age 23. That was because I had good friends who cared about me.
I think that in a lot of these cases the parents hang on for some reason and do not let the kids move on. With me my dad was alchoholic and mom depended on me

A friend of mine is an only and her parents did everything they could do to keep her living at home after HS, including money bribes and fancy cars.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a permanent student - thousands of dollars on education, no demonstrable experience working for longer than a few months. But its fine with her DH.

They live with our parents BTW - can't afford to get their own place with SIL not working..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guessing these FTL siblings are proud of the success of PPs and talk lots about them. Curious though what PPs say, or do you say anything, about FTL sibs to colleagues or friends who ask about your family.

I just bluntly admit that I'm from a white trash family.

haha - I always tell people my BIL is a Jerry Springer episode all on his own.