Birthday dinner invitation question

[Anonymous]

there was only one pp who said a useful wording suggestion that doesn't sound ridiculous coming out of a 20 something's mouth. (who actually SAYS 'dutch treat'??)

tell people to bring cash to make it easier to pay their bills, and that the plan is to split the cost of the bday girl's meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen, 17:20. What the hell is wrong with everyone on here? Throughout my 20s, and even now that I'm in my mid-30s, I regularly was invited to birthday dinners for friends. I never once considered that the person organizing the event was paying for all of us!! We always pay for the birthday girl or boy but then we each pay our own way. We do usually split the bill evenly, which means I'm paying for my friend who consumes 3x more booze than me, but I know that going into the dinner and have learned to just suck it up. And for clarification, we are all highly paid professionals with good manners.

OP, the responses you are getting here are in no way reflective of the way the rest of the world thinks about this subject. Good lord. Enjoy your dinner and don't stress that your friends will assume you are paying or will consider it rude if you don't. They won't. 17:20's wording is perfect.

I already posted that it is rude to invite people to pay for an event. When I was in my 20s, we had large groups go out an pay for big birthday dinners themselves all the time. But - and this is the crucial distinction - we did not "invite" them to dinner. One person took on the role of organizing something, and we all pitched in. It is not the same thing as inviting people to dinner.

I think it's all in the wording. I normally don't mind at all (and expect to pay my own way) when someone suggests meeting up for dinner to celebrate someone's birthday. But when I receive an invitation to a nice restaurant, private room, with the banquet menu, I do NOT expect to pay my own way. This happened recently and I couldn't believe it - friends who are in their mid-thirties, both biglaw. It ended up being $100 for my husband me, and that's not how I would have wanted to enjoy a $100 meal.

[Anonymous]

Agree that "inviting" does not = organizing.
You and Friend's hubby's are organizing a bday dinner and treating his wife. A real man would cover the bill for his wife's friends. And yes, I do have $600. (I would have chosen a less expensive place if I did not.).
#cheapskate

[Anonymous]

Meant hubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a thread on this a few years back. I think the consensus was that it was tacky to invite people to an event they have to pay for themselves.

I like the idea about inviting people to cocktails and then mentioning that the cost of dinner would be split.

Is the cost of dinner going to be split evenly plus a percentage for birthday girl? This is important because if one couple's tab is $100.00 and your tab is $250.00, this isn't fair. It is a tacky way to do things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen, 17:20. What the hell is wrong with everyone on here? Throughout my 20s, and even now that I'm in my mid-30s, I regularly was invited to birthday dinners for friends. I never once considered that the person organizing the event was paying for all of us!! We always pay for the birthday girl or boy but then we each pay our own way. We do usually split the bill evenly, which means I'm paying for my friend who consumes 3x more booze than me, but I know that going into the dinner and have learned to just suck it up. And for clarification, we are all highly paid professionals with good manners.

OP, the responses you are getting here are in no way reflective of the way the rest of the world thinks about this subject. Good lord. Enjoy your dinner and don't stress that your friends will assume you are paying or will consider it rude if you don't. They won't. 17:20's wording is perfect.

I already posted that it is rude to invite people to pay for an event. When I was in my 20s, we had large groups go out an pay for big birthday dinners themselves all the time. But - and this is the crucial distinction - we did not "invite" them to dinner. One person took on the role of organizing something, and we all pitched in. It is not the same thing as inviting people to dinner.

I think it's all in the wording. I normally don't mind at all (and expect to pay my own way) when someone suggests meeting up for dinner to celebrate someone's birthday. But when I receive an invitation to a nice restaurant, private room, with the banquet menu, I do NOT expect to pay my own way. This happened recently and I couldn't believe it - friends who are in their mid-thirties, both biglaw. It ended up being $100 for my husband me, and that's not how I would have wanted to enjoy a $100 meal.

a) we aren't getting a private room.
b) there isn't a banquet menu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that "inviting" does not = organizing.
You and Friend's hubby's are organizing a bday dinner and treating his wife. A real man would cover the bill for his wife's friends. And yes, I do have $600. (I would have chosen a less expensive place if I did not.).
#cheapskate

I'm sure you do have $600. However, with that attitude you probably don't have any friends to spend the money on....how sad.

Not even going to address your attack on my friend's husband. Go back to your bridge troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that "inviting" does not = organizing.
You and Friend's hubby's are organizing a bday dinner and treating his wife. A real man would cover the bill for his wife's friends. And yes, I do have $600. (I would have chosen a less expensive place if I did not.).
#cheapskate

I'm sure you do have $600. However, with that attitude you probably don't have any friends to spend the money on....how sad.

Not even going to address your attack on my friend's husband. Go back to your bridge troll.

Plan a dinner within your means.

Just b/c the truth hurts doesn't mean I'm a troll.
And at least I'm not cheap. Losers.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you're not cheap, bit you sound very obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Losers? WTH is going on with this thread? A real man? What do you have something to prove? This thread is getting really out of hand. OP, organize your party, have everyone split the cost, and have fun. The end. This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP, you asked a question and are really lashing out at people who are responding to it honestly.

If the general consensus is that the very premise of an "invitation" that requires one to pay for oneself (and the birthday girl) is off-putting to people, why can't you just take that in and re-work the idea accordingly?

If there's a chance that one or more of the "guests" would interpret the "invitation" this way, I would certainly want to know and safeguard against surprising anyone.

You're an intelligent person, who doesn't need any more help with the wording. You have all of the input you need to decide on phrasing. Now, stop with the venom and get back to organizing a nice get-together for a friend you clearly care about.

[Anonymous]

I think there is also a generational difference here too - for those of us in our 40's email and evites were not part of our early 20's so invites were more of a formal situation that implied we were being invited for a party. I think nowadays when its an "invite" via a short email it is a different thing and those in their 20's view it more as a way of saying "hey let's get together and hang out" as opposed to here is a printed invite for a gathering where there will be a host who is expected to play the part and everything will be set up for you, etc...

[Anonymous]

Lord help the waitress who's got to write and keep track of twenty separate checks for this group.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40's and I get "no host" invitations all the time. There's nothing wrong with it. If you sent the invitation without the phrase, "no host," then I would not expect to pay. But the whole no host thing is done all the time.

OP, say something like this, "Please come celebrate Sue's birthday on Saturday night. We'll begin with cocktails at our place at 7:00pm, followed by a no host dinner at Restaurant X at 9:00pm. You're welcome to join us for drinks, dinner, or both, but please RSVP with your intentions by X date so we can make reservations." The only thing that could get tricky is paying for the birthday girl's dinner. As the organizer, I would be prepared to cover that myself, but people will probably volunteer to help. Just don't make it a requirement.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's in the wording. Why not "invite" everyone for cocktails at your place, then in the invite, let them know you are also "organizing" a no host dinner afterwards and they are welcome to join you at X restaurant after the cocktail party.

Fwiw, I've never heard of a no host dinner party and wouldn't know what that meant if that was all you wrote.