adoptive families w/closed adoption: do you wonder if/when your DC will reunite with birthparents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are considering adoption. I, too, stop and wonder when I hear stories of adopted children finding their "real" mom. I noticed in Erin's story, back a page, that she referred to her birth family as sister and father, and the family that raised her as the, 'adopted family.' Do the adoptive families still count as family? Or are they replaced when the birth family is found?

It depends on the individual. You can't take one person's experience and assume it will be your own or your child's. "Real" is a dumb term as what does it make the parents through adoption "fake"? I know plenty of people who are now adults who are happy with their families, especially with the parents who adopted them. Most people who are happy/its not an issue don't stay online grumbling about it. You don't know if they were the issue, the biological parents or the adoptive parents. Its far easier to blame someone else than take responsibility for your life. Adopt! Stop reading this non-sense.

[Anonymous]

If the fear that the kid will want to know and meet the b-parents is what is keeping you from adopting, then do not adopt. Some kids meet all the expectations of the adoptive parents, some do not

[Anonymous]

To clarify my situation (Erin Kalkwarf's story) the only reason I refer to my adoptive family as 'the adoptive family' is so the people who don't know me or my story understand which family I'm talking about.

In my everyday life, I call my adoptive parents mom and dad - that hasn't changed and never will change! My adoptive family will always be MY FAMILY. I have 3 bothers in MY FAMILY - I always refer to them as my brothers. I call my 2 half brothers (from my birth parents) by their given names; Myron and Mike. The only part that has changed is that I now say I have a sister. I call my birth mother by her given name (Therese) and the same applies for my birth dad.

I do have a 2nd family which is my birth family. If this category is insulting to them or anyone else, it was not intended that way. My family is who taught me right from wrong, encouraged me, disciplined me, loved me and made me who I am today - they were and are my family. I am just fortunate to have a 2nd family now.