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Expectant and Postpartum Moms
Expecting moms who've already have 1+ - what's your advice for first time expecting moms?
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Anonymous
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I'm expecting #2 and I've learned so much with the first. Here is my list...
1. Use your video camera even if it's for a minute. You will cherish what you think is stupid even a few months later. One of my favorite videos is my daughter in her crib mezmorized by the crib toy! 2. You are a good mom and try not to compare yourself to others because they're actually doing the same with you. I still need to remember this and it's easy to get sucked into the I'm better than you mommy trap. Moms have a way to put others down (sometimes not on purpose) but it's okay if you do it differently. No one is perfect. 3. Find a playgroup- the hospital is a great way to find kids your own age. Many (VHC especially) have groups where you can meet moms and share your experience. 4. Don't try to make a happy baby happier. Your child will sleep in weird positions and you will regret trying to change them to what you think is better for them. If they are in harms way that is different but resist the temptation- it can be HOURS before they sleep again. 5. Breastfeeding is so much harder than open mouth insert boob but its worth sticking with. If you decide to stop, don't stop on your worst day and let it defeat you. When you do stop, don't feel guilty. It's the best decision for you and your family so don't let others tell you what they think is best for you. 6. Sometimes the pediatrician isn't always right. I had to fight with them and brought my daughter back 3 times withint 2 weeks saying something was wrong and they told me it was teething. Sure enough, something was wrong. A mother's intuition is AMAZING. 7. Let your kids wear their nice clothes. My daughter has beautiful dresses and you think they're so expensive, I don't want them to get ruined. But, is it better to have them perfect in the closet, never being worn? 8. The best way to get poop out of clothing (oh I wish sometone told me this but it was all trial and error) is a wash bucket to soak the clothing, warm water, a little fabric softener, spray with Dreft baby stain treater and Tide. Let soak for awhile (sometimes 2 days). Never dry a stain as it will set. 9. Remember it's okay to take some time away from your baby, even at the hospital. I know people with 10 month olds bragging that they've only been away from their child for 2 hours in birth. Think about how you and your husband are trapped together for months on end, it's not pretty. Taking time to yourself is good for everyone. 10. You will always find crazy moms out there. I still find myself frustrated by being told what to do with my chlid. If you want to let your kid eat McDonalds, great...just don't do it everyday. 11. Your husband will do things differently and just accept it. My husband is the bath man and although I do it differently, this has always been his time with our daughter even from the beginning and it's worked out great. 12. Put the baby in the crib as soon as you can, even for a little bit of time to get used to it. There's a reason there are so many new cribs on Craigslist. 13. Consignment Sales are amazing. Craigslist is too. Don't wash everything or take things out of the package. You think you need everything in the world only to realize a newborn really needs a few things. I didn't take things out just by chance and returned over $1,000 worth of things we didn't need. It came in handy in buying the things you need beyond 3 months including the next carseat. 14. Your life will change in ways you never knew. I never wanted to be the 'I haven't showered in a week, the house is a mess, etc" mom but have realized that sometimes playing with your child IS more important than the dishes or laundry. This is not to say not bathing is appropriate, your routine changes to faster, more efficient and your priorities change. 15. Just because someone elses kid walks at 9 months doesn't mean they are better/smarter than your child who walks at a year. All kids are different and when they are all running at the playground no one cares if your child was the first walker or the last. But, it's easy to get caught up in it! 16. Kids don't need to read at 2. Let them be kids, play, explore, use their imagination and read. 17. Pre-baby I never thought I would ever say this. Fisher Price is an amazing company. 18.TV is okay for kids in moderation. You sometimes need it to unload the dishwasher, take a shower, do laundry. 19. Start saving for pre-school. It's more expensive than you can imagine. My husbands master's degree was cheaper by credit hour than a month of preschool for a 2 year old 2 days a week...for 3 hours! 20. I could go on and on but won't  Cherish holding your baby, they grow so much faster than you can imagine. You can't spoil them with love and attention. They eventually will sleep and you will to and you'll forget all those sleepless nights. Sometimes when they do the smallest thing, you will tear up and think they just got into Harvard because you are so proud.
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Anonymous
| As a great military strategist remarked "no battle plan survives contact with the enemy," I too learned that some of the things I planned on doing with and for my baby just didn't happen. I like to think I weathered that realization fairly well. I think it's better to accept that some of our plans are going to come to naught and we won't be as perfect for our babies as we wanted to be. And, that it's no big deal. |
Anonymous
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Do less. Worry less. Read less. Plan less. Think less. Focus on positive feelings of faith, confidence, and love. Take care of yourself and understand what a wonderfully sensual, spiritual experience early motherhood can be. Don't rob yourself of the beauty by getting in your head too much. This is beyond intellect. |
Anonymous
This is great advice, and I wish I'd gotten it before #1! |
Anonymous
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[quote=
lastly, if you got newborn sized clothing that has tags attached, go return it. now. I don't get why people say this. I have a big 2 week old (8.6/21 at birth) and nb sizes are all that fits. We got very little based on advice like this and have now had to buy more! |
Anonymous
| Also - get to Target and buy some hydrogels if you want to breast feed. I've yet to meet a woman with torn up, chapped, bleeding, cracked nipples from breast feeding that didn't get instant overnight relief with these. |
Anonymous
| You don't need most of the baby crap. For #1, I had to have everything, glider, changing table, special diaper bag, etc. By the time #5 arrived, we had a crib and dresser. No changing table, no warmer for the wipes, no baby swing, etc. In fact #5 slept in a suitcase when we were visiting in-laws. It made things much easier. |
Anonymous
I don't get why people say this. I have a big 2 week old (8.6/21 at birth) and nb sizes are all that fits. We got very little based on advice like this and have now had to buy more! I agree, not everyone has huge babies. My first was in newborn clothes for over a month. She could not fit into 0-3 months... |
Anonymous
The suitcase thing makes me laugh because it's so true! Even with #1 when we traveled and didn't have a bathtub, we used the kitchen sink with a casserole dish and a towel! Worked great. And don't buy anything with 'warmer' in the name. |
Anonymous
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Don't be afraid to get out and enjoy your maternity leave a bit. I was always afraid of the baby becoming too cranky out in public and annoying other people, or diaper blow outs, or having to nurse in public (very modest in the beginning). At the end of my leave I wondered where the time went and wished I hadn't spent so long cooped up inside. Not to mention, my child is now 2 and being embarassed in public is just part of the job . But, seriously, no one minds if a newborn fusses, most people won't care or notice if you're nursing in public, etc.
Try to relax and enjoy it as much as possible. It goes by too quickly. Also, have lanolin on hand and (if it's important to you) commit to breastfeeding for at least x number of weeks (a friend recommended 2 and that seemed to be the magic # for me, but I'm sure everyone is different). It starts off being really challenging, but suddenly one day it became easy and natural and you will be glad you stuck it out. If you're going to back to work, don't spend your leave worrying about leaving your baby at daycare. My DS loved daycare from the start and I will never get back those couple weeks I spent moping and worrying about it! Agree with the posters who say don't worry about the birth. The baby will come out somehow. If you have difficult families, think now about setting boundaries and expectations for visits. |
Anonymous
I agree, not everyone has huge babies. My first was in newborn clothes for over a month. She could not fit into 0-3 months... Yes, but either way your baby will need larger clothing, eventually. The better thing to do is to return the newborn stuff and buy larger clothing and then buy some cheap newborn gerber onesies if and when you end up having a teeny one. |
Anonymous
| Genius idea re: the suitcase. I'll have to remember that one! |
Anonymous
Agreed. I worried for two weeks about daycare. DS had a little bit of a transition but then loved it! He's two now, still loves it, and runs in all excited every day. I lost those last weeks of maternity leave worrying about something I shouldn't have. |
Anonymous
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Lots of really, really good advice here. I heartily second not focusing that much on labor and delivery and focusing instead on parenting the baby when he/she gets here. I totally should have been reading Weissbluth when i was pregnant and not all those stupid pregnancy week by week books. Not to mention that I know a few friends who put enormous amounts of energy into a birth plan and/or natural labor and who were totally crushed when they had difficult labors and ended with epidurals and/or C-sections. I'm all for being well-informed but I think having your heart set on a "perfect" labor really misses the point. What you want is a healthy baby and you may be setting yourself up for major disappointment at birth when you should just be happy that you have a healthy baby.
Also second getting DH involved and not micromanaging what he does. DH is a parent, too, and might do things differently but you're going to want him to help and if you constantly correct him or take over, he's bound to get frustrated and stop trying to help. Re breastfeeding, give it your best shot and definitely talk to a lactation consult if you're having trouble. But do NOT kill yourself to breastfeed. It is not worth it. I know several friends who made themselves miserable pumping and stressing about breastfeeding and absolutely hated the first few months of motherhood because of it. I say that your sanity is more important than breastfeeding your child. (And this is from someone who breastfed for 12 months, but I figured out most of my issues after the first week or so. And even a week of struggling with it was pretty rough). My last piece of advice is not to freak out if you're miserable in the very beginning. Newborns are SO hard. I kind of hated the first six weeks. I thought I'd never, ever leave the house again and never get to do anything for myself again. But it changes very quickly and gets progressively easier and easier and more fun and more fun. Babies start to smile at around 6 weeks and that changed everything for me because I finally got something back for all that hard work! In those first few weeks, though, when DS cried all the time, I really really thought I had made a mistake in deciding to have a baby. And now he's 2.5 and just the best, most fun thing in the whole world and I'm pregnant with #2 and wish I could have 4 or 5! |
Anonymous
Oh my gosh, me too. I had a nanny but I cried almost every day for two weeks before I went back to work worrying about the nanny. And she turned out to be wonderful! I just couldn't fathom leaving my kid with someone else but after the third day or so, I knew DS was fine. Such wasted energy, all that crying! |