Expecting moms who've already have 1+ - what's your advice for first time expecting moms?

[Anonymous]

I had a conversation with a friend who's expecting her second and she had all kinds of wisdom for me! Thought I'd start a fun thread on it.

If you're expecting #2 or more, what's your advice for us first time expectant moms?

[Anonymous]

My advice would be to listen to your own gut on what you do and don't need to do/study/buy to prepare for baby... example: if you want to interview 10 pediatricians, then you should, but if you've got a good referral that you trust or are comfortable settling on one without a 'vetting' process, then spend your precious pre-baby time doing something you enjoy (or not taking time off of work which you already have to do for like a thousand pre-natal appointments). If you're anything like me, about once a week throughout the course of your pregnancy you will hear about something someone else is doing and think "oh crap, do I have to do that?" and then I'd take a deep breath and decide if this or that is really important and try to make good decisions.

Also, if you're planning to breastfeed, the people who figure out 'how' to BF are you and baby - some lactation consultants are more helpful than others, and lots of people may have advice for you, but the best advice I got about BFing came from a pediatric nurse - when I was leaving the hospital and was all freaked and frazzled and had no idea what I was doing - who said that once you get home in your own space and have some privacy and quiet, you and baby will figure it out... and we did.

Lastly, go on as many dates with your partner as you can - every party, every concert, every time you feel like kinda going out maybe - DO IT!!! It's not like you're never going to see the light of evening again, but once baby comes, it could be a while. Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

Remember that there has not been a single book written about YOUR baby. You are learning him/her as much as they are learning you, like any new relationship it's going to take time. You will make mistakes and it's okay, everyone does. Also, like any new relationship...only YOU and your baby know what is best for each other.

[Anonymous]

From my great-grandmother - get someone to watch baby for at least 1 hour a week so that you and significant other can go out for a walk, drive, coffee...if you can do dinner or a movie (if you trust the person to be with baby that long) then do it.

From my grandmother - don't break the bank buying clothes, toys...unless its something that is multi-functional and will keep for a long time. Especially with toys, kids sometimes prefer the box or wrapping paper to the actual gift itself .

From my mom - don't get worked up over the small things. So baby/kid spilled juice/food/snacks....if it wasn't intentional just breathe and let it go. Hubby didn't put the bottles away the way you like? Just say thank you and move on...there will be bigger issues to deal with and the little things shouldn't cause you stress.

From my dad - cherish each moment. Because once it passes, you'll regret it down the line. Listen to your kids no matter how old (even the babbling 1 year old). Make time to play with them and also give them special one-on-one time.

[Anonymous]

Rest as much as you can now because you will never again have the luxury of being pregnant and have no one to take care of but yourself.
Go out as much as possible with your DH/partner.
BF is not easy, and for something so natural it was amazing to me how much it hurt. Get the # of a good lactation consultant now because you will probably need it!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs, get out with your DH as much as you can. I know the whole babymoon thing sounds cheesy but I highly recommend going away together even if it's just to a nice bed and breakfast in West Virginia

[Anonymous]

Second time expectant mom here. I'm surprised how many first time moms worry about labor and prepare so much for it but don't prepare much for breastfeeding (if they plan on nursing). Labor is a piece of cake compared to recovery and the sleep deprivation/breastfeeding woes that most of us go through. I nursed for a year, I wouldn't do anything differently and I am so glad I did (I think it helps keep away PPD, helps with the weight loss, etc) but my tip would be to spend as much time planning for that as you do planning for the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second time expectant mom here. I'm surprised how many first time moms worry about labor and prepare so much for it but don't prepare much for breastfeeding (if they plan on nursing). Labor is a piece of cake compared to recovery and the sleep deprivation/breastfeeding woes that most of us go through. I nursed for a year, I wouldn't do anything differently and I am so glad I did (I think it helps keep away PPD, helps with the weight loss, etc) but my tip would be to spend as much time planning for that as you do planning for the birth.

I could not agree more with this. Labor and delivery is not what you should should be worrying about. Breastfeeding takes a lot of work that is something I wished I had spent more time reading about. Looking back, I should've demanded a breast pump and to see the LC as soon as I was wheeled into recovery. Don't second guess yourself and when it comes to taking care of your baby in those first few weeks try anything and everything. None of us were experts when we had our first. It's all about experimenting until you find something that works. If you want to read parenting books, that's great but don't be hard on yourself if that approach doesn't work for you and your family. I would also say that most babies lose weight in the hospital so don't let the nurses freak you out about that. I was so paranoid, I bought a baby scale and carefully logged every ounce of pumped milk/formula that my baby drank.

[Anonymous]

Start taking a stool softener about a week before your due date and don't stop until you've had several good poops after you deliver. I wish someone told me this with #1, because those first few poops were more painful than child birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start taking a stool softener about a week before your due date and don't stop until you've had several good poops after you deliver. I wish someone told me this with #1, because those first few poops were more painful than child birth.

Agreed!
They ask you in the hospital if you have gas or have pooped (I had a c-section, so maybe this is why they ask) and my answer for 5 days was, 'I haven't pooped.' I wish I had known how miserable that first poop would be when I got home, so I would have been more inquisitive about it in the hospital.
That was way too much TMI... I just wanted to reinforce PP's post.

[Anonymous]

Have a place set up to change a wet bottom BEFORE you bring home the baby.
Your baby may need to get changed as soon as you walk in the door and that's not the time you want to run around trying to find diapers, wipes, etc.
I would say you don't need everything in the world set up for the baby right away, with the exception of this changing area and somewhere for baby to sleep.

[Anonymous]

As hard as it may be to give up your newborn baby, take advantage of the nursery at the hospital.
At the very least, you will get some much needed shut-eye, have time to take a shower, etc.
I have no family or help around, so that was the only free daycare I got for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Talk with your husband before and agree that if you are short with each other, you won't hold it against each other. The beginning few months can be stressful. And let your husband do as much as possible his way - he'll gain confidence and learning by doing is a much, much better way to learn than being told and nagged by someone.

If you are going to breastfeed, keep at it through month 3 at least if you can , and then it gets so much easier after that. But don't beat yourself up if you need/want to stop. It can also be very freeing.

Accept all help from all people.

Work u p until the bitter end, and save your leave for afterwards.

[Anonymous]

PP here, I second the suggestion from someone else to find at least an hour here and there for yourself. You will need it. Don't feel guilty. And your child will be fine without you. Helps you get refreshed in a way sleep can't. This sort of goes under the "take all help from all people" suggestion. Most will watch a kid for an hour or so.

[Anonymous]

When my DD was first home from the hospital, crying all hours and I was completely sleep deprived and on the verge of a breakdown, my MIL said the best thing ever to me: this is just a moment. This is not the rest of your life.
It became my mantra to get through the tough days and it still rings true! When my toddler is sick and up all night with a fever I just say that little phrase to myself and it helps me get to.morning.