Looking for a synagogue

[Anonymous]

I would say, pick a place that you can afford. Just phone around and ask what they charge, then pick the one you can afford and that is near by.
You do not need to mingle with the congregants. You are 2 gay men. You already have your social circle and need a congregation for other reasons

I would hope that this is not the approach you take in looking for your spiritual home. There is no reason that two gay men, like anyone else looking for a place to belong, can't find social connections and spiritual fulfillment through the right synagogue. Best of luck OP in finding the right place for you. (BTW, I am at Temple Micah which is very gay friendly and also very interfaith friendly but since you said conservative only it might not be the right fit for you on that front).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:accepting interfaith marriage and performing the ceremony are totally different things. I didn't marry a Jew, and I didn't have a Jewish wedding. You actually don't need to be married by a rabbi, anyway. My husband, who feels like I do, didn't want a Jewish wedding because that would be dishonest. My synagogue accepts me, and my family and we are all happy. No one cares that I had a civil wedding, and no one cares that my son has a non-Jewish parent.

BACK TO TOPIC:
Yes, the Conservative synagogues are accepting the converted.

Note that accepting the interfaith couples doesn't mean allowing the non-Jewish partners to lead prayers.

I think that if you try and find a place that is gay-friendly with no acceptance of interfaith couples within the community, you'd do best to form your own minyan. But then you won't have a preschool.

OP did not say he was looking for a conservative temple due to its stance on interfaith couples. That was brought up by other PPs. He simply was looking for a conservative temple that was accepting of gays. The 2 concepts are completely unrelated.

I attend an orthodox synagogue and it would be more accepting of a gay couple than an interfaith couple, in terms of ability to lead services and perform other rituals. There are many non-jews who are going through the conversion process (not yet converted, so still not jewish) who are very involved in the synagogue but are unable to perform religious acts and rituals reserved for jews. This is due to many reasons, none of which include "discrimination" or thinking that non-jews are not good enough, simply a religious restriction. under Jewish law, having homosexual relations is looked at the same as a violation of any other commandment, including violating the Sabbath, spreading gossip, or eating pork. It is simply a commandment that is not being followed according to Torah law. Not a single person in any synagogue follows all the laws perfectly, and therefore, no jew is treated differently due to that. Non-jews are not similarly required to follow the Torah commndments and therefore, an entirely different set of laws (7 commandments of Noach) apply.

[Anonymous]

i think you'd love TRS in falls church, not in DC - has a wonder preschool, truly. it's also quite diverse, great sense of community, social, see: http://www.templerodefshalom.org/default.htm

In addition, this might be of interest, TRS is now hosting a PFLAG meeting at the Temple. All persons interested in knowing more about PFLAG and our group at the temple are invited to attend. Meetings will be held the second Sunday of each month at 3:00pm. If you would like to attend or would like more information, please contact Valli Swerdlow at [phone] or [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:accepting interfaith marriage and performing the ceremony are totally different things. I didn't marry a Jew, and I didn't have a Jewish wedding. You actually don't need to be married by a rabbi, anyway. My husband, who feels like I do, didn't want a Jewish wedding because that would be dishonest. My synagogue accepts me, and my family and we are all happy. No one cares that I had a civil wedding, and no one cares that my son has a non-Jewish parent.

BACK TO TOPIC:
Yes, the Conservative synagogues are accepting the converted.

Note that accepting the interfaith couples doesn't mean allowing the non-Jewish partners to lead prayers.

I think that if you try and find a place that is gay-friendly with no acceptance of interfaith couples within the community, you'd do best to form your own minyan. But then you won't have a preschool.

OP did not say he was looking for a conservative temple due to its stance on interfaith couples. That was brought up by other PPs. He simply was looking for a conservative temple that was accepting of gays. The 2 concepts are completely unrelated.

I attend an orthodox synagogue and it would be more accepting of a gay couple than an interfaith couple, in terms of ability to lead services and perform other rituals. There are many non-jews who are going through the conversion process (not yet converted, so still not jewish) who are very involved in the synagogue but are unable to perform religious acts and rituals reserved for jews. This is due to many reasons, none of which include "discrimination" or thinking that non-jews are not good enough, simply a religious restriction. under Jewish law, having homosexual relations is looked at the same as a violation of any other commandment, including violating the Sabbath, spreading gossip, or eating pork. It is simply a commandment that is not being followed according to Torah law. Not a single person in any synagogue follows all the laws perfectly, and therefore, no jew is treated differently due to that. Non-jews are not similarly required to follow the Torah commndments and therefore, an entirely different set of laws (7 commandments of Noach) apply.

Yes, and I was responding to them.

As for the rest of your post, I like it quite a bit (although my stance on including interfaith couples in the community is milder, my position on having the non-jews lead services and perform rituals is exactly yours).

[Anonymous]

TRS is a lovely place, but it is Reform.

[Anonymous]

I belong to Adas and second the suggestion for you to visit, try it out, meet with Rabbi Steinlauf. I have known a number of openly gay members (including at least one couple, no longer there) who were completely accepted and held lay leadership roles. Extremely kid friendly.

Also, you didn't say where you are located, but Agudas Achim is a lesser known Conservative synagogue in Alexandria. In my mind, its rabbi, Jack Moline, is a rock star. Super smart and funny, totally principled. I used to belong there (now it is too far away) and about 4 years ago when both the Rabbinical Assembly (Conservative umbrella group) and the Commonwealth of Virginia had proposals going to approve gay marriage, Rabbi Moline used his Kol Nidre sermon to preach in favor of marriage equality and that he looked forward to performing same sex ceremonies from that bimah. I was so proud and inspired that he used what is probably a rabbi's most listened to sermon of the year to espouse a potentially controversial position in which he believed. And I say this as a straight woman. It broke my heart to leave Agudas Achim because I so admired Rabbi Moline, but once we had kids, it was just too far away from home.

[Anonymous]

We are members of Temple Micah and have a child at the Adas preschool. My husband and I cannot say enough good things about each of those. We are not familiar though with the "regular" services or community at Adas, although we have had several coversations with the Rabbi at Adas and he is extremely warm and friendly and very approachable. We also know the Rabbi at Beit Mishpacha, the gay synagogue that uses the DCJCC. She herself has a young child at Adas and is very involved in that community. She was previously at Temple Micah and is also lovely and approachable. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. My apologies to anyone I offended. I certainly didn't mean it that way (although looking back it does appear that way). I was only trying to point out that to imply a synagogue would be a good fit for a gay couple because they accept interfaith marriage has nothing to do with the price of eggs. There is absolutely no connection between the two.

To those that did respond I appreciate your comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My apologies to anyone I offended. I certainly didn't mean it that way (although looking back it does appear that way). I was only trying to point out that to imply a synagogue would be a good fit for a gay couple because they accept interfaith marriage has nothing to do with the price of eggs. There is absolutely no connection between the two.

Except for a certain degree of open-mindedness, not always found at a Conservative synagogue, which is why I brought it up in the first place. A lot of places take a much more rigid stance on many issues. In any event, I would encourage you to look at Adas and speak with Rabbi Steinlauf regardless of whether you share his views on interfaith couples. It really is a very large and welcoming place. I prefer a smaller community which is why I am looking for another synagogue myself, but I have enjoyed my time at Adas (especially back when I lived next door to it, very convenient).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My apologies to anyone I offended. I certainly didn't mean it that way (although looking back it does appear that way). I was only trying to point out that to imply a synagogue would be a good fit for a gay couple because they accept interfaith marriage has nothing to do with the price of eggs. There is absolutely no connection between the two.

Except for a certain degree of open-mindedness, not always found at a Conservative synagogue, which is why I brought it up in the first place. A lot of places take a much more rigid stance on many issues. In any event, I would encourage you to look at Adas and speak with Rabbi Steinlauf regardless of whether you share his views on interfaith couples. It really is a very large and welcoming place. I prefer a smaller community which is why I am looking for another synagogue myself, but I have enjoyed my time at Adas (especially back when I lived next door to it, very convenient).

OP here. Your comments on open-mindedness with conservative synagogues is not my experience. Perhaps that accounts for our misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My apologies to anyone I offended. I certainly didn't mean it that way (although looking back it does appear that way). I was only trying to point out that to imply a synagogue would be a good fit for a gay couple because they accept interfaith marriage has nothing to do with the price of eggs. There is absolutely no connection between the two.

Except for a certain degree of open-mindedness, not always found at a Conservative synagogue, which is why I brought it up in the first place. A lot of places take a much more rigid stance on many issues. In any event, I would encourage you to look at Adas and speak with Rabbi Steinlauf regardless of whether you share his views on interfaith couples. It really is a very large and welcoming place. I prefer a smaller community which is why I am looking for another synagogue myself, but I have enjoyed my time at Adas (especially back when I lived next door to it, very convenient).

OP here. Your comments on open-mindedness with conservative synagogues is not my experience. Perhaps that accounts for our misunderstanding.

DUDE. If your experience is that all conservative synagogues are open-minded then WHY DID YOU WRITE YOUR POST?! People here have offered tons of helpful suggestions. And every response you post is curt and bitchy. Why the chip on your shoulder?

[Anonymous]

Etz Hayim is hosting a caberet in May, looks interesting (and speaks to the open mindedness as well)!

"Will's Cabaret Fundraiser
From Here to Etz Hayim:
A Gay Liberal's Journey to a
Conservative Synagogue"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My apologies to anyone I offended. I certainly didn't mean it that way (although looking back it does appear that way). I was only trying to point out that to imply a synagogue would be a good fit for a gay couple because they accept interfaith marriage has nothing to do with the price of eggs. There is absolutely no connection between the two.

Except for a certain degree of open-mindedness, not always found at a Conservative synagogue, which is why I brought it up in the first place. A lot of places take a much more rigid stance on many issues. In any event, I would encourage you to look at Adas and speak with Rabbi Steinlauf regardless of whether you share his views on interfaith couples. It really is a very large and welcoming place. I prefer a smaller community which is why I am looking for another synagogue myself, but I have enjoyed my time at Adas (especially back when I lived next door to it, very convenient).

OP here. Your comments on open-mindedness with conservative synagogues is not my experience. Perhaps that accounts for our misunderstanding.

DUDE. If your experience is that all conservative synagogues are open-minded then WHY DID YOU WRITE YOUR POST?! People here have offered tons of helpful suggestions. And every response you post is curt and bitchy. Why the chip on your shoulder?

OP here. I was trying to find a conservative synagogue with other gay couples and a nursery school. It never crossed my mind that we wouldn't be accepted.

[Anonymous]

Please check out Mishkan Torah in Greenbelt, MD. It is close to the beltway (exit 23). We are duel affiliate (Conservative/Reconstructionist) and have a small and close-knit Hebrew School. I suggest checking out our family services which are the first Friday of every month at 7:30pm. They are very entertaining and extremely kid friendly. We also have free high holiday family services. http://www.mishkantorah.org/

Darelynn Fung
member, parent, youth programs