When to worry about toddler not talking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have received great advice. Follow you gut. I will offer my experience.

My first child was with a nanny until 19 months. I was concerned that she wasn't meeting verbal milestones. She was basically mute, but understood language, both English and Spanish.

She began daycare at age two. Within a month, we had a verbal explosion. From, "Hi" or "Hola" to "Look at the construction and trucks on this big road Mom and Dad!" Not kidding.

I don't know if we should attribute it to her just coming into her own, daycare with lots of verbal interaction throughout the day, or that milestones are different for every child.

Again, just my experience. Now the kid won't shut up. I made the mistake of watching a Cee Lo video on my computer with her in earshot, and ten minutes later, she told us,

"Now ain't that some sheeet."

Priceless!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:04, if the early intervention folks were under employed and under used, I could MAYBE see your point. Maybe. But do you have any idea how overworked they are? I just got the call that my son qualifies for services, and the earliest they can squeeze us in for an appointment is March 29th.

Doesn't seem like they are trying to fill the books for no reason to me . . .

I totally agree with this. Just try to get your kid into reputable therapy or development specialists and you'll see the HUGE backlog. There are far too few specialists compared to the need. I don't think they recommend therapy just to keep business going--they're turning down business because they're busy. I had an eval for non-speech issues and was told my DD was within the lower end of normal and wait-and-see would be best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP again. 23:04, I do see where you are coming from. And I do think that many kids who get therapy at this age probably don't need it. But the point an early poster made here resonated with me: You don't know if your kid is going to be in that 80% who will catch up on their own (or whatever the number is) or not. And if they're not, and you delay intervention, things can be harder. Not necessarily terribly harder, but somewhat. quote]

I have to say that these kinds of statements really frustrate me. My kids have disabilities that aren't readily apparent and they've been receiving therapy since they were about 15 months. I can't tell you how many people have told me that my kids were too young to tell if they had delays, that they would catch up on their own, that it was just me being overly competitive and they just didn't need it. It's been long documented that kids who need therapy are more likely NOT getting it than kids getting it and not needing it. Even though you're interested in an evaluation, you still opine that 'many kids who get therapy at this age probably don't need it'. What makes you think the kids getting therapy now have fewer challenges than your kid? You don't even know yet if your own kid needs therapy, how in the world could you have an informed opinion on the needs of other kids?

[Anonymous]

Many of my nieces and nephews spoke really early in complete sentences. My DD didn't talk much until after age 2 -- she's the only Ivy Leaguer in the entire family.

[Anonymous]

My son also was not talking at 2. I am glad we intervened when we did because his speech and talking really did not become age appropriate till age 6. He had major articulation issues and weak tongue muscles so it took a lot of work to get him to be ok.

My son was ok with speech. He needed a speech therapist with a lot of patience because it was hard for him so he hated doing it at first. As he got older, it got better. He qualified with MoCo from 2-6. After 6, we were on our own and had to do private therapy.

[Anonymous]

This is 23:04. PP save your wrath toward the OP. She was clearly acknowledging something I said. So you're annoyed with me, don't take it out on OP.

I do believe there are kids in therapy that don't need it and, indeed, can be harmed by it. I think there is a dysfunction in naming everything a disorder. It fans the flames of parental paranoia and anxiety. And it's fussy as hell. Not every kid needs early intervention. I've had to educate some parents - walking range of "normal" is anywhere from 9-17 months, according to our pediatrician. Parents whose kids are on the "late" side of normal are NOT delayed. There is a difference.

The other thing is that OP initially voiced a "gut" feeling that everything was okay. Subsequent messages make it sound like she doesn't feel that same way. Whether she has come to that conclusion or not on her own or if she's been convinced by all of these posts from people who sought EI is for her to know.

BTW, the fact that you can't get into EI for months illustrates to me that it is at least, in part, a hot trend. Sorry to say it, but I do think so.

[Anonymous]

14:36, you've made your feelings clear. What you haven't established is why your opinion is informed. Are you trained in child development? How many child development specialists have you consulted with? Or is this just a rant against modern parenting? FWIW, I agree that we overlabel and too many things are "disorders" these days, but most people who intervene early are doing the right thing. I can think of various schoolmates throughout the years (including in high education) and even some relatives who would have benefited from therapy. It really could have changed their lives. So many complexes and difficulties stem from early issues like speech delay (confidence, how people relate to others, etc.) and that's not even getting to people who literally would not be speaking properly without therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP again. 23:04, I do see where you are coming from. And I do think that many kids who get therapy at this age probably don't need it. But the point an early poster made here resonated with me: You don't know if your kid is going to be in that 80% who will catch up on their own (or whatever the number is) or not. And if they're not, and you delay intervention, things can be harder. Not necessarily terribly harder, but somewhat. quote]

I have to say that these kinds of statements really frustrate me. My kids have disabilities that aren't readily apparent and they've been receiving therapy since they were about 15 months. I can't tell you how many people have told me that my kids were too young to tell if they had delays, that they would catch up on their own, that it was just me being overly competitive and they just didn't need it. It's been long documented that kids who need therapy are more likely NOT getting it than kids getting it and not needing it. Even though you're interested in an evaluation, you still opine that 'many kids who get therapy at this age probably don't need it'. What makes you think the kids getting therapy now have fewer challenges than your kid? You don't even know yet if your own kid needs therapy, how in the world could you have an informed opinion on the needs of other kids?[/quote

OP here again, I really didn't mean to suggest your children don't have real disabilities and benefit greatly from therapy at an early age. Of course there are many kids out there for whom that's true.

My point--and the reason why I posted seeking advice--is that I have no idea where my own son fits in. Yes, my gut feeling is that he's ok and probably would be ok without help. Part of that is because I know I myself didn't speak until age 2, and my sister was the same way, so clearly there's a genetic component at work here. Many people have their own anecdotes like this.

The flip side, of course, is that right now my son is behind. Will he catch up on his own? Gut feelings are not guarantees. One thing that people on this thread have helped me recognize is that it's a disservice to him not to at least seek an evaluation. So that's what we are going to do, and if he qualifies for services we will certainly pursue them. My son isn't me, so comparing his toddler-hood to mine only makes sense up to a point.

These early intervention programs wouldn't be funded and available if there weren't many, many kids who benefit from them. And I'm sure you know what you're talking about when you say more kids who need therapy aren't getting it than kids who don't need it getting it. But that doesn't mean there aren't kids in both categories. That's what I was trying to say, however clumsily.

[Anonymous]

OP again, sorry to have typed within the quote.

[Anonymous]

23:04, where you lose credibility is in trying to portray yourself as an expert in what is and isn't normal development in one breath (and to you, just about anything is normal) and in the other breath saying that trained childhood development experts don't know what they are doing. You also keep switching your argument around - initially you said the reason kids are being diagnosed is because the development experts are trying to drum up business, but now you say it is because pushy parents think it is a fad to get their kid diagnosed with a delay? Which is it?

If I was concerned my child had any sort of problem (physical, psychological, health, development, whatever), I'm going to take him to a trained expert for their opinion. That is what any responsible parent would do.

I can't help but wonder if some of your rather bizarre anger over this issue comes from being defensive about not addressing your own child's delays?

[Anonymous]

23:04, I definitely see what you are saying. I am not trivializing kids who really need help, but I do also see a trend to pathologist everything and intervene overzealously. This starts with pregnancy and just continues, especially in areas like DC. That said, parents know their kids and many kids do need and benefit from intervention. I just see 23:04's point and wanted to say so, since nearly everyone else is attacking her/him.

[Anonymous]

I think it's trendy to say that "normal" childhood conditions are pathologized and overdiagnosed, but I really doubt it is true. I grew up with a developmentally delayed sibling who walked at 18 mos, and his pediatrician insisted he was fine and that was just the late end of normal. He spoke very late, but again, within the very tail end of "normal range." My mother kept saying he was not like her other children and she was told that she was neurotic. At a certain point my brother's delays became impossible to ignore. They are significant enough that he will probably never live independently (he is an adult now), but in my own experience as a special needs parent I am constantly struck by how much more attuned professionals are now to child development and how much mroe is done to help my child. I don't think my mother's experience of being told it was her neurosis or parenting style that was causing the issues was superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was about where your son was at 19 mo. By age 2 he still only said 2 or 3 words and no word combinatons which is when they flag you for intervention. I waited until he was 2, and then started getting speech services through DC Early Intervention.

Ditto this only we're in Arlington. At age 2 my son had very limited vocabulary and was not putting words together. My ped recommended at his 2 year checkup that we get him evaluated through early intervention and he started speech therapy a month later. It's been about four months since we started and he's already showing tremendous progress - much bigger vocabulary and has started putting words together. He is still way behind his peers - most of his classmates, both boys and girls, speak in complete or near-complete sentences and are pretty clear; he is still very unclear and has a lot of difficulty making some of the letter sounds - but I hate to think about how far behind he might be if we didn't take this action.

[Anonymous]

My DD had zero words at 16 months when we had her evaluated by Early Intervention (MoCo) and she qualified for services. One of the best suggestions was to start sign language, which she picked up in a flash and really made our relationship so much easier once she had the means to communicate her desires. She's been in weekly therapy for the last 3 months and she's doing great. Words quickly followed the signs and now she uses more words than signs. I can't say enough good things about the program. Yes, my family members said I was crazy for having her evaluated because "kids develop at different rates." While that is true, there are certain milestones that most kids reach by a certain age. Parents' intuition is usually right on this. Would my DD have grown up perfectly well without therapy? Maybe. But she's benefiting from it and better yet, I am benefiting from the evaluations and the therapist recommendations - I've learned strategies and skills for interacting with my less-verbal-than-typical child. Now I know ways I can help to teach and demonstrate verbal speech. Also, Montgomery County's EI program is FREE and the services are wonderful. There is nothing to lose and perhaps a lot to gain.

[Anonymous]

PP here (DD in early intervention through Montgomery County). I forgot to mention that simultaneous with the EI evaluation, I also took her to an evaluation at the Kennedy Krieger institute at Johns Hopkins. Our insurance covered most of this appointment since we got a referral from our pediatrician. (Ask your pedi for a referral even if they are the "wait and see" type. It's OK to be a little pushy. The worst that can happen is that you force an evaluation and they say your kid is fine!). Hopkins confirmed that our DD had expressive speech delay and balance issues, likely due to low tone. IT was largely the same evaluation as was done by the EI team (they all use the same set of "tests" for 5 areas of childhood development), but this exam was done by a developmental pediatrician rather than non-medical social workers and therapists. (The results were the same, by the way.) Johns Hopkins suggested we take advantage of EI therapies and to have her reevaluated at 2 yrs. It gave me piece of mind because (1) they confirmed the delays I suspected, and (2) the reassured me that my DD was advanced or on track in other areas, such as receptive speech (understanding), motor coordination, etc. and did not exhibit any red flags for autism (sometimes speech delay is a red flag). They also reassured me that she would likely catch up, especially with the help of therapists, and they weren't overly concerned with her development. One last point on scheduling: EI has a long waiting list for kids over 2, but they speed up the process for kids under 2 who exhibit delays in basic skills like speech so schedule your evaluation soon! Similarly, Kennedy Krieger has a very long waiting list but since I was willing to take a late in the day appointment (5:00pm), they squeezed me right in. Yes, I had to take off work and it got in the way of my toddler's nap and dinner time, but we made it work. Be flexible and you'll have better luck getting an appointment. Good luck!