When to worry about toddler not talking

[Anonymous]

and you might want to get his hearing checked too. DS , it turns out, had significant hearing loss due to fluid. 3 weeks after tubes, acquired 10 words and started imitating us much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen people...don't compare your kids to other children. My oldest son was a late talker as well and yes, we ended up getting him evaluated at 3 and he has been in therapy for a year. Has it helped? Absolutely, but it is hard to tell how much of what has helped was the therapy or was my son getting older.

My point is, do what you think is best but remember that there is a huge range here in what is normal - don't compare your child to the most vocal kids in his peer group.

Also, what many of these posters won't tell you (and don't know) is how much of the speech improvement is from the therapy and how much is from their child simply outgrowing the delay a little.

you said exactly what I was going to say! Thanks

[Anonymous]

I was a wait and see mom myself. My first son was speaking full sentences by 20 months (I'm not even kidding). My second son, at 22 months says mama, dada, and uh-oh. That's it. I guess he can also do animal sounds.

I decided to call early intervention, since the evaluation is free. They came out last week and I was actually upset by how concerned they were! I mean thank goodness I decided to take action, but it went very quickly from "Eeehhh, he's a little late" to "We have a real problem here." very quickly for me. It is a lot to accept.

I don't regret it at all, though, and am thankful we are getting him the services he needs.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks so much everyone. We are going to get him evaluated.

A possibly silly question: Is there a difference between using early intervention services and getting your kid evaluated at someplace like Children's or Hopkins? I'm assuming they're all equally good, is that right?

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I'd take him for an evaluation. It might be nothing and if that's the case than no harm, no foul. But if he does have some issues, better to get working on them now.

Make the appt, he might wake up one morning before that appt day ever arrives and just start talking - you never know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and you might want to get his hearing checked too. DS , it turns out, had significant hearing loss due to fluid. 3 weeks after tubes, acquired 10 words and started imitating us much more.

This was us as well. DH wanted to be proactive about it, and suspected that DS needed tubes since both he and his brother had them. I was more wait and see. Even though DS had several ear infections last winter, I chalked it up to having an older brother in preschool and their penchant for *finishing* each others food. By the time he was 2 in July, DS was still not talking more than *No* *Stop* *Mama* *Socks* and *Ba* for his straw cup. At his 2 y/o check up, our ped, who'd been wait and see right with me, was alarmed and suspected Autism. We ended up seeing a pediatric neurologist, an ENT, a private speech therapist AND hooking up with Infants and Toddlers. The neurologist dialed the diagnosis down to expressive/receptive language delay pending a hearing test (DS later passed). Our ENT inserted tubes, and a week later my son was babbling non stop and had 5-10 new words. It's been 3 months and he's doing some 2 word phrases, signing, and singing a lot.

This is probably the only time I wish I'd listened to my husband...... but don't tell him that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks so much everyone. We are going to get him evaluated.

A possibly silly question: Is there a difference between using early intervention services and getting your kid evaluated at someplace like Children's or Hopkins? I'm assuming they're all equally good, is that right?

I think most people start with EI because it's free and they do a pretty global assessment. Who were you thinking of seeing at Children's or Hopkins? When we didn't qualify for free services we were told to get in touch with a private speech therapy practice. (I wrote this in my earlier post... I am one of the early PPs.) If you want recommendations in your area, ask people on the special needs board.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all (this is the OP). Honestly I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular--I was just curious how early intervention worked and how it differs from hospital-based programs. We'll definitely go the early intervention route.

Re the hearing--I really don't think he has hearing issues because he follows directions so well, tunes into conversations others are having and reacts (ie. I mention to my husband something about going to the basement and DS runs over there and moves things away from the basement door so it can be opened). He hears airplanes in the sky that I don't even notice! He's also never had an ear infection.

I am just hoping that if it's something, it's something that can be dealt with but I know no matter what, it's good to get it checked out. Thanks again, you all provided me the push I needed to get moving on this.

[Anonymous]

We also have a 19 mo old on the lower end of "normal." For those who got therapy, I am curious-- what sorts of things do they do with kids this age?

[Anonymous]

OP, you have received great advice. Follow you gut. I will offer my experience.

My first child was with a nanny until 19 months. I was concerned that she wasn't meeting verbal milestones. She was basically mute, but understood language, both English and Spanish.

She began daycare at age two. Within a month, we had a verbal explosion. From, "Hi" or "Hola" to "Look at the construction and trucks on this big road Mom and Dad!" Not kidding.

I don't know if we should attribute it to her just coming into her own, daycare with lots of verbal interaction throughout the day, or that milestones are different for every child.

Again, just my experience. Now the kid won't shut up. I made the mistake of watching a Cee Lo video on my computer with her in earshot, and ten minutes later, she told us,

"Now ain't that some sheeet."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a wait and see mom myself. My first son was speaking full sentences by 20 months (I'm not even kidding). My second son, at 22 months says mama, dada, and uh-oh. That's it. I guess he can also do animal sounds.

I decided to call early intervention, since the evaluation is free. They came out last week and I was actually upset by how concerned they were! I mean thank goodness I decided to take action, but it went very quickly from "Eeehhh, he's a little late" to "We have a real problem here." very quickly for me. It is a lot to accept.

I don't regret it at all, though, and am thankful we are getting him the services he needs.

And see, this to me, is part of the problem with EI. I sometimes think i may be the only person in the world who has a problem with EI, so there's that. But gosh, people push it like it's crack. And parents are going to see specialists and therapists because their kids aren't in the early or middle part of normal milestones. When my child was a late walker, I posted something about it here at 16.5 months and 99 percent of the posters told me to seek early intervention/ why wait until a problem develops, etc.

I think my problem with this is twofold. First, it lessens the perceived legitimacy of therapies when they are really needed but more importantly (and more philosophically) it is this tendency we are starting to have of approaching childhood and children like a disease or learning disability that is just waiting to spring upon us. Never mind that there is a huge range of "normal" for walking. Normal was 9-17 months, said my pediatrician. My child walked at 17.5 months and was running within 5 days. i knew he was just fine and listened to my "gut."

OP's kid can hear okay, can say a few words, can take direction, and do animals sounds. This person above, who has a 22 month old, may have a "big problem," or she may just have a kid with a speech delay. I'm not saying that therapy wasn't the right move here, but I don't like what the therapist said. And I DO think they scare parents. They keep themselves in business, you know? They're trained to look for a problem. Sometimes, though, there is really no need to intervene. It's often called waiting for your child to find his groove. But that's not competitive enough or sufficiently hovercraft enough for some of us, I guess.

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed up and down here for this, but it's just how I feel. We "intervene" in childhood waaaaaay too much. And therapy for delays is perceived as a normal, even critical function, of childhood these days. I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

I would like to respectfully disagree with 23:04, though I certainly understand your points and think that everyone wonders the same things. I have two kids with a few different delays and my experience is that therapists set very concrete written goals, that they give ideas on how to work with your child at home to speed up progress, that they give weekly feedback (depending on the place either verbal or written), that they actively cheer progress, and that they release kids when their age appropriate goals are met. I am not saying that there aren't bad or dishonest therapists--but many (at least therapists in private practice) have a system set up so that you can constantly evaluate the need for therapy.

Fortunately, you are one of the lucky ones. Your child was on the late side in one area but caught up quickly without intervention. I have no doubt that there are plenty of kids in therapy who would have done so as well. However, a lot of us choose to intervene because we are not sure. Or because our gut tells us something might be wrong. Or because we are a little more than the late side of normal (like OP's kid). Or perhaps because we watched our siblings flounder and suffer because, when we were kids, support for delays was not a readily available option. My brother is now a successful happy adult, perhaps all the more so because of all he went through, but boy did he have it rough because of his relatively minor delays. They affected a lot of different areas of his life. Studies show that the kids from our childhood who DID receive intervention were developmentally more successful at an earlier age. A lot of us are just hoping our kids catch up to "normal" so that they are not adversely affected in school or socially.

I'd like to add that I cannot even say that all of my family's interventions have been "successful." And both success and failure could trigger a negative reaction in a parent. I second guess our actions all the time... I have given up a career path and am spending a lot of time and money and effort on my kids. But I feel that I am doing the best and most I can given the information we have. I am sure that in twenty years we'll have a different perspective, but right now, both the "expert advice" and my personal experience lead me to believe that there is really no downside to intervening in childhood and receiving therapy for delays.

[Anonymous]

I also disagree with 23:04. Things may have been turned out fine for 23:04 but I'm one of the ones that wasn't so lucky. I'm immensely grateful to EI for helping us understand the challenges my kids have - challenges that 90% of lay people can't even see and therefore doubt they exist. When it's not your child that struggles, it's very easy to be dismissive and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

23:04, if the early intervention folks were under employed and under used, I could MAYBE see your point. Maybe. But do you have any idea how overworked they are? I just got the call that my son qualifies for services, and the earliest they can squeeze us in for an appointment is March 29th.

Doesn't seem like they are trying to fill the books for no reason to me . . .

[Anonymous]

This is the OP again. 23:04, I do see where you are coming from. And I do think that many kids who get therapy at this age probably don't need it. But the point an early poster made here resonated with me: You don't know if your kid is going to be in that 80% who will catch up on their own (or whatever the number is) or not. And if they're not, and you delay intervention, things can be harder. Not necessarily terribly harder, but somewhat.

I have zero concerns about my child's development other than his lack of speech. But he is below the bottom end of where he should be at this age. I would not say he's at the lower end of normal.

Of course he may catch up with no problem. I wish I had a crystal ball that could answer that question for me. But I don't, and given that, it seems to make sense to at least get an evaluation and possibly pursue speech therapy if it seems worthwhile.

I do not want to be one of those moms constantly comparing my kid to others and running for professional help at the slightest sign of trouble. But I also don't want to explain away trouble, or potential trouble, when it's right there in front of me. It's a difficult balance.