DD has her heart set on buying Uggs. What to do?

[Anonymous]

Geesh - you women are so not fun and so not stylish. You are going to have great relationships with your daughters. I feel for your girls!

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. I actually bought a pair online for her today. They were the Bailey 3 Button ones on sale for $104, no tax or shipping, yippee! She is keeping a running tab on her purchases. I do wish I could have this conversation with GM. It's DH's mom which makes it a little more complicated. She is an incredibly generous person and I love her tons. But I don't know how to approach it without coming off the wrong way. I could make DH do it but they argue all the time and she would get defensive and he would lecture. Ugh. Not Ugg. He he! She has set up savings accounts and mutual funds for the kids and has made investments for us, as well. Now that I'm thinking this through there is no way I'm going to say anything to her but thank you. I will make sure the kids contribute some of the money to their savings and to the PP that mentioned donating to horse rescue, that's a great idea. DD loves horses and we've been talking about getting involved with Days End Horse Rescue. I guess this is the motivation we need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. I actually bought a pair online for her today. They were the Bailey 3 Button ones on sale for $104, no tax or shipping, yippee! She is keeping a running tab on her purchases. I do wish I could have this conversation with GM. It's DH's mom which makes it a little more complicated. She is an incredibly generous person and I love her tons. But I don't know how to approach it without coming off the wrong way. I could make DH do it but they argue all the time and she would get defensive and he would lecture. Ugh. Not Ugg. He he! She has set up savings accounts and mutual funds for the kids and has made investments for us, as well. Now that I'm thinking this through there is no way I'm going to say anything to her but thank you. I will make sure the kids contribute some of the money to their savings and to the PP that mentioned donating to horse rescue, that's a great idea. DD loves horses and we've been talking about getting involved with Days End Horse Rescue. I guess this is the motivation we need.

Thanks so much for sharing. Sounds as if you've made great decisions all around, and I'm sure your daughter will find her involvement with the horse rescue group very meaningful!

[Anonymous]

would her friends know if they were really UGGs? Would they actually think any less of her? If not, then you could probably find fake uggs all over the place, at DSW or Payless or online at Zappos. (my two-year-old has some from Payless.) I personally can't tell the difference. But I remember how hard it was to grow up and want to fit in with what everyone else was wearing. We were middle-class, but my mom was super-thrifty so I never had RL polo shirts or Izod shirts or designer jeans or real Keds (with the blue label) and it did bother me. I really wanted that stupid little horse or alligator on my shirts, and my mom just didn't get it. (I'm no label whore now, but I was pretty excited to buy my first real RL polo shirt years ago!)

That said, there are lessons to be learned about spending too much money on stuff that goes out of style quickly, so you could always approach it from that angle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. I actually bought a pair online for her today. They were the Bailey 3 Button ones on sale for $104, no tax or shipping, yippee! She is keeping a running tab on her purchases. I do wish I could have this conversation with GM. It's DH's mom which makes it a little more complicated. She is an incredibly generous person and I love her tons. But I don't know how to approach it without coming off the wrong way. I could make DH do it but they argue all the time and she would get defensive and he would lecture. Ugh. Not Ugg. He he! She has set up savings accounts and mutual funds for the kids and has made investments for us, as well. Now that I'm thinking this through there is no way I'm going to say anything to her but thank you. I will make sure the kids contribute some of the money to their savings and to the PP that mentioned donating to horse rescue, that's a great idea. DD loves horses and we've been talking about getting involved with Days End Horse Rescue. I guess this is the motivation we need.

OP, you sound like you're doing the right thing with your daughter. My 8 yr old has Uggs because they were handed down to her from my sister's SIL's daughter (no other girls in any of our extended families - everyone has only boys). I had no idea they were status symbols (that is what I get for being the kind of mom who wears Merrells all the time!).

I wanted to suggest that maybe you ask your MIL and other relatives to give your daughter stock instead of cash gifts, with maybe a smaller cash gift (20, 50) for her to spend on herself? My grandparents did this, and while I paid no attention to the stock gifts at the time but only focused on the cash gifts ($20) when I was in my tweens and teens, I ended up putting the downpayment on my first house with the money from selling the stock...and then sold that house for double what I paid, and so on. So those "forgotten" gifts of stock ended up making a serious difference in my life. I was making 10K/year as a graduate assistant when I was finishing my doctorate but still managed to buy a house with that stock money. Just something to think about. Maybe suggest to your MIL and other relatives that they split up this way? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My daughter tells me that the mean girls at her elementary school (3rd grade) don't play with girls that don't wear Uggs! UGH!

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine why you would care what she spends her money on. If she wants Uggs...let her get them. If she outgrows them quickly, she'll learn a powerful lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geesh - you women are so not fun and so not stylish. You are going to have great relationships with your daughters. I feel for your girls!

?? Either you are loaded or have high credit card debt. Betting the latter.

-Prissy Mom

[Anonymous]

Christ, let her get the damn Uggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:would her friends know if they were really UGGs? Would they actually think any less of her? If not, then you could probably find fake uggs all over the place, at DSW or Payless or online at Zappos. (my two-year-old has some from Payless.) I personally can't tell the difference. But I remember how hard it was to grow up and want to fit in with what everyone else was wearing. We were middle-class, but my mom was super-thrifty so I never had RL polo shirts or Izod shirts or designer jeans or real Keds (with the blue label) and it did bother me. I really wanted that stupid little horse or alligator on my shirts, and my mom just didn't get it. (I'm no label whore now, but I was pretty excited to buy my first real RL polo shirt years ago!)

That said, there are lessons to be learned about spending too much money on stuff that goes out of style quickly, so you could always approach it from that angle.

Oh yea, her friends would know. However, I don't think they would think less of her. She has other things that are nice that we consider money well spent. My worry about Uggs is that in no time flat they start to look horrid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter tells me that the mean girls at her elementary school (3rd grade) don't play with girls that don't wear Uggs! UGH!

This is precisely the reason that I LOVE a school uniform. It puts an end to all this nonsense at school.

[Anonymous]

My kids' allowance money and gift money is theirs to spend as they wish...BUT, when they want to buy something I think is crap or too expensive, I ask them to wait a week to make the purchase. If they're still thinking about it a week later, then its not an impulse buy, it's something they really do want. My 11 year old totally gets it. (My 7 year old, not so much...though he has changed his mind because another "impulse buy" has come along and he doesn't have the money for both.) Anyway, it makes them think before they blow their money, but in the end gives them the control and the learning that goes with it.