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DD has her heart set on buying Uggs. What to do?
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Anonymous
| OP here- I agree that she should be able to spend her gift money on what she wants. But, Jeez, one Grandma gave her $500, one Grandma gave $100 and the Aunts and Uncles gave her $150. So this little girl cleaned up with $750 for Christmas plus lord knows how many gifts. I think one problem is that we haven't figured out a system for allowance, savings and charitable giving so I feel bad having her spend all that money on frivolous stuff. One thing I have been doing is have her keep a running tally of everything she buys with the money. Please keep your ideas coming! And if you can point me to any coupon websites I'd be grateful. |
Anonymous
| Let her spend her money on what she wants, OP. |
Anonymous
Well. . . I'm one of the posters who thought the gift money should be spent however she wanted. Didn't realize we were talking THAT much money. When the gift amount gets pretty high (different for each family as to what "high" might mean), we give options to our grandchildren--like contributing towards summer camp, music lessons, tennis lessons, etc. For example, if for piano lessons, we try to find a gift bag or card with a piano theme to enclose the check. That's what the other grandparents in our family do as well. |
Anonymous
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The idea of your DD keeping accounts, either handwritten or online/Excel is the best ultimately for her future - if done systematically, she will learn self-discipline and see where her money goes. So good for you, OP!
I would allow her to buy what she wants and just tack on a certain percentage for education (camp, school supplies, college fund) and a certain percentage for charity. |
Anonymous
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I think you should have a talk with grandparent who gave her $500. That's too much discretionary money for a child that age, even if the family is wealthy.
i like the idea of contributing to camp or lessons, etc. I recommend globalgiving.org -- grandparents can give the kids a gift card, and then the kid goes online and picks a charity that appeals to them. They get emails letting them know how the charity is doing. For example, DD went on and found a charity that helps abandoned horses. She loves horses and was thrilled to donate, and gets emails every now and then with photos of the horses. It was a great experience for her. |
Anonymous
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People are saying that not every purchase needs to be a learning experience--but I think buying pricy shoes she'll soon outgrow WILL teach her something!
I agree it's one thing to let kids decide how to spend $20-$50 gifts, but with $500, I think you need to come up with a system to help with decision making. I mean, if she saved $500 of holiday money each year, she'd have $3000 by high school graduation, which would be a great nest egg. Does she have a savings account at this point? Is she doing any sort of charitable giving? |
Anonymous
| Let her get them. They are wonderful boots and the kids now wear them year round. She will get her moneys worth. |
Anonymous
Just want to add that I do think she should be able to get the Uggs. When I said "THAT much money," I was referring to the $500 gift, etc. |
Anonymous
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OP - most you be so controlling?!? Just because you don't like the boots, you are not letting her buy them. It has nothing to do with wasting money, etc. I grew up with a mom who pulled the same crap. She was more than willing to spend top dollar on clothing and shoes she thought I should have/
Let her spend her money on those fugly boots. Rest assured you have years and years of this ahead of you where she will expensive designer crap. Just be glad its not your money be wasted on it. BTW you kid is 12 not 2. She isn't going to grow out of the boots in a month. They will last long enough for her to get wear out of them for goodness sakes. |
Anonymous
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What I don't understand is why they have stayed in style for so long. They have been around for at least five years, right? Haven't they run their course?
FWIW, I would let her get them. You should have her put some of the other money in a savings account,though. I remember not having the jeans I "needed" in junior high (Gloria Vanderbilts) and it was traumatic. |
Anonymous
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Huh. I bought my 7 year old a pair of uggs. She has no idea that they are anything other than warm boots. She found out that other people like them after her friends saw them at home -- they aren't allowed to wear them to her school. I enjoy the look on my mother's face every time she sees my daughter wearing them. My mother refused to buy anything "nice" for me and would only shop at KMart for me despite the fact that our family was very well off. In the 80s in Fairfax County, trust me when I say, wearing KmArt clothing to high school was humiliating beyond belief. My mother had come from a solidly lower middle class family so I think she was very self conscious about suddenly having a lot of money. Her family and old friends were very unkind about it and I think she took a lot of her discomfort and anger out on me.
She asks me now why I buy such expensive boots for my daughter every time she sees them and every time I reply, "because I can," or "because I can't find a KMart." I know it is childish. I know it is ridiculous. I know I need therapy. I know it is mean. I know it is wrong. I intellectually know all the reasons I shouldn't act this way, but I don't care and I purposefully disregard all of them. You cannot know how very much I enjoy making my mother palpably uncomfortable. This is something I will not let go of and I am otherwise a very successful person. I agree that $750 is a lot of money for 12 year old. In our house, the rule is we save half for college. I do not have a requirement that kids give money to charity because we espouse the view that it is more important to give your time to a charity. The rest is the kid's to spend on something exactly like uggs. For example, I think it is RIDICULOUS to spend money for a custom ring tone on your cell phone. We gave my (older) teenage cousin a check for Christmas and she bought a whole bunch of ringtones. That would set my teeth on edge, but if it were my daughter, I would let her spend her gift money on it despite my irritation with what I think is a complete WASTE of money. I completely understanding denying what you perceive to be an extravagance because you can't afford it, but this was a gift and uggs are not inappropriate like thong underwear or other sexy clothing or some kind of expensive smartphone would be for a 12 year old. In order to be a good parent, you really do have to say no way more than yes. This is something you can say yes to and not have to pay for! |
Anonymous
| I agree with PP that said that a conversation with grandma giving $500 would be in order. She can contribute in other ways if she wants to spend that kind of cash, 529s, lessons, maybe a trip for both of them together, whatever. |
Anonymous
| for feet that small, get the youth size. They're slightly less expensive. Look on zappos, etc. |
Anonymous
| Nordstrom Rack. |
Anonymous
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I bought my first condo when I was 23, which at the time was possible with the $7k I had squirreled away partially through my grandparents $50 bday checks...
I think you need to set-up a savings account. And a checking account supervised by you might be a good tool to put her discretionary money in. I got my checking account in 6th grade, and it helped me become very very good with money as an adult. My dad helped me a lot with it until I was ready to run it on my own. |