Husband Getting MBA-I'm not happy

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you.

I think even if you 100 percent supported his need for a degree, you have a right to be upset if ther wasn't a conversation before it happened. He's using your joint money right? Plus, once you throw in kids, I think any career decision- that will impact time and money - needs to be decided togethor - or at least fully discussed.

But, take a deep breath and get ready to have a conversation with your husband. Is something driving this? Does he maybe fear for his job? Is his company offering to pay for it and he is unwilling to turn it down? Or maybe his job has basically told him he needs to do it to get ahead (and in some careers if you don't move up, you move out).

You have every right to be mad - but get your venting out here - and then talk calmly to your husband - because getting mad isn't going to get you anywhere (I know, easier said than done).

Good luck to you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Just a thought, OP, so take this with a grain of salt, but is he really going back to school, or is this just a weird excuse to be out of the house two nights a week? I only ask because it seems like a very strange (and sudden) way to spring the MBA thing on you.

OP here. He does not need an excuse to get out of the house, we both have pretty active separate social lives and neither one of us steps on each others space...Though it is the Christmas season full of parties, take this week...we were both home Monday, I went out Tuesday night, he went out Wednesday and tonight, and I'm out Friday night. He then heads to Pittsburg to see the Steelers/Jets on Sunday. We both do our thing, his is golf in the warm weather and I enjoy dinners out with girlfriends and occasional workshops. If anything this will put a wet blanket on his free time. The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking that he is probably thinking that this is a "cool idea" with very little regard to the amount of effort and commitment that is required. I bet he will ditch this little experiment after a semester.

I could think of a million other fun and cheaper ways to get out of the house. How about a sports league? We used to do that when we were DINKs. I’m sure he’d join an adult league if that were the case, and nothing is stopping him from that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap. I tend to be a flexible, happy-parent = happy-family type of person. But hearing about it via email without discussion beforehand is pretty shocking. I'd be furious, to say the least.

That said, I would probably try my very best to calm down before talking with DH about it. Undoubtedly I would share my feelings (shock, anger, resentment etc.) eventually, and probably in pretty sharp tones. But I'd try my very best in that first conversation to UNDERSTAND what he's thinking, if for no other reason than to re-evaluate my feelings and what I think is best for the family overall.

So maybe ask him (in as judgment-free a way as possible) what he's seeking from the program. Is it the experience itself (learning/challenging/growth) or is it a specific advantage or opportunity that he thinks the credential will bring?

I'd also ask about the time commitment involved -- both the in-class time and the preparation/work assignment time. As a follow up, I'd ask whether he has ideas on how to address the extra burden this will put on you at home, and how you two can adress that.

Finally, I'd ask about the financial piece of it all. How much will it cost and where that money is going to come from.

After all that, I'd probably go back to the first issue to ask again what this is about to him. How important is the MBA and why.

Once I processed all that, I have no doubt I'd have a second conversation (probably the next day) about the process he used to make this decision and share it with you. That conversation would likely be VERY harsh, but I think it might depend a bit on what I learned in the first conversation about where he's coming from and how imporant this really is to him and why.

Good luck. I hope he's not really an a-hole, but rather someone who misjudged the situation and underestimated how important this decision is to you and the family.

OP here again. Good idea, I will do this.

No, he is not a jerk, he's a guy and they are not always that smart. They are simple things, god help them.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't mind that my husband was getting an MBA, assuming 1) we'd talked about it and 2) it was a decent school

[Anonymous]

I'd be furious FURIOUS!

Forget about the fact that the ROI may very well be negative on this one...

20:16 has a nice post with strategies for you. She's probably nicer than me, and I hope she comes to the rescue for me one day when I need to vent.

I'll throw some additional thing in there: it isn't a done deal. He can withdraw and get most/some of the money back, or go on leave after the one semester. Better to lose a little money than a lot. Just because he unilaterally decided to get this degree doesn't mean you have to suck it up if it is clear it really isn't working for the family. He doesn't have to finish it quickly, or ever (yeah, a waste of money, but he's already started down that path...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, OP. Maybe he's scared of you and wants to be out of the house more.

Are you for fucking real? This would NOT fly in my house w/o a discussion. To drop this bomb by email, w/o discussion, when we both work FT and, yes, I do the lion's share of child care . . . OP's DH is getting off light. This is the type of bullshit that gets dad's/DH's a bad name. Sorry, once you have kids, certain things are on hold unless both- BOTH- parents are in agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious FURIOUS!

Forget about the fact that the ROI may very well be negative on this one...

20:16 has a nice post with strategies for you. She's probably nicer than me, and I hope she comes to the rescue for me one day when I need to vent.

I'll throw some additional thing in there: it isn't a done deal. He can withdraw and get most/some of the money back, or go on leave after the one semester. Better to lose a little money than a lot. Just because he unilaterally decided to get this degree doesn't mean you have to suck it up if it is clear it really isn't working for the family. He doesn't have to finish it quickly, or ever (yeah, a waste of money, but he's already started down that path...)

This is true, your husband should have until the first day of classes (January 10) to withdraw for a full refund. He would only be out a couple hundred dollars for a deposit if he's paid that already. I would be furious too if I was in your shoes. Good Luck OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An MBA from GW? Are they even ranked? What a waste if money. I'd be embarassed that my husband was going there for an MBA. It's a worthless degree unless you go to a school that can offer you serious connections.

Ew. No need to be a snob. You'd be embarrassed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is going back to school in January to get his MBA through some program at GW. It is costing a fortune in time and money. I'm highly irritated because we have small children, both work FT and he already has a very secure job, making a very good salary. He is in a secure field and has built a name for himself. I do not see how this will benefit him other than the fact that he can run around touting his MBA-whatever

I'm pissed, he barely discussed this with me. I have fucking enough on my plate, now we get to add 2 days of classes and lots of study time. Who the fuck do you think is going to have to get saddled with extra hours with the kids? ME. I already do a shit ton. I bring home a big ass slab of bacon, fry it up, and am the primary care giver for the kids. Now he is going to take even more time for himself?? What else are we going to have to out source now? Maybe I can pay someone to sleep for me. He already works 10hours a day, who the hell is going to help me? I should just quit my job to support his damn education experiment. Ohhhh, but if I did that, oh no, he sure does enjoy the luxuries my job provides our lives.
I would be very supportive if he career were stalled and if this were somehow critical, but it’s NOT. It will not make any difference and the ROI will be decades!!!!
OMG, I'm getting so furious just writing this.

I didn't even have to read all of your rant to understand why he is going back to school--it is to get away from his shrew wife. Don't be suprised if he finds some cute co-ed who doesn't scream and carry on as though her home were in a tree and he will divorce you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you told him what you just told us?

If so, what did he say?

If not, why not?

He dropped this bomb on me in email today, saying class was starting in January. He mentioned it in passing a few months ago, but nothing more. He is out to dinner tonight so I'm actually glad I have time for a glass of wine and to simmer down and sleep on it.

Of course I will talk to him, but I have to delicately deliver the fact that I'm shitting on his dreams.

What did you say then? Maybe he thinks you already agreed to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer one of your questions - an executive MBA (EMBA) take less time, say 18 months part-time, because they are giving you credit for work experience and is the degree you get if you want to stay in your current career and get promoted. An MBA takes 2 years full time and is what you get if you want more options in terms of changing careers. And the reality is that if you are not going to a top tier school, it does little to make you more attractive in the job market for top paying positions.

That said, if he is in the federal government and wants to get an SES position, an EMBAis not a bad move. If he wants to get a job with a hedge fund, it is not worth the time or money.

And regardless, this should have been a joint decision. He is acting like an ass hat.

Wow! I never knew. I have a friend who got an Executive MBA and I was all impressed (I'm not in business).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is going back to school in January to get his MBA through some program at GW. It is costing a fortune in time and money. I'm highly irritated because we have small children, both work FT and he already has a very secure job, making a very good salary. He is in a secure field and has built a name for himself. I do not see how this will benefit him other than the fact that he can run around touting his MBA-whatever

I'm pissed, he barely discussed this with me. I have fucking enough on my plate, now we get to add 2 days of classes and lots of study time. Who the fuck do you think is going to have to get saddled with extra hours with the kids? ME. I already do a shit ton. I bring home a big ass slab of bacon, fry it up, and am the primary care giver for the kids. Now he is going to take even more time for himself?? What else are we going to have to out source now? Maybe I can pay someone to sleep for me. He already works 10hours a day, who the hell is going to help me? I should just quit my job to support his damn education experiment. Ohhhh, but if I did that, oh no, he sure does enjoy the luxuries my job provides our lives.
I would be very supportive if he career were stalled and if this were somehow critical, but it’s NOT. It will not make any difference and the ROI will be decades!!!!
OMG, I'm getting so furious just writing this.

I didn't even have to read all of your rant to understand why he is going back to school--it is to get away from his shrew wife. Don't be suprised if he finds some cute co-ed who doesn't scream and carry on as though her home were in a tree and he will divorce you.

Wow, you are insightful. I think you could benefit from some additional education, possibly to sharpen your critical reading skills.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I have not read all the posts and I am on your side in that your husband did not handle this well at all. It should have been discussed in advance etc. For planning purposes you step back a minute and ponder what parenting will be like over the next five to 10 years, you would want to have him in grad school, if he's going to go at all, BEFORE homework hits. Which apparently is earlier and earlier. Read the threads on homework in the General Education forum to get my drift. It takes over people's lives ... My son is 14 and homework was a bear between Grades 3 and 7 ... it's starting earlier and earlier. So maybe the next year or so is the best time? Even though he did not give you the opportunity to buy into that decision. Or next fall? Can you get support, like a cleaning service? Or if you have one, have them come more often? In any event, good luck!

[Anonymous]

No, he is not a jerk, he's a guy and they are not always that smart. They are simple things, god help them.

OK, I know man-bashing is par for the course on DCUM, but really, OP? Your husband committed thousands of dollars and a significant amount of time that you as a family don't have to an endeavor that may or may not yield any ROI, all without your consent (and possibly even knowledge). Yet you claim he isn't a jerk, and blame it on his gender? News flash - MOST men wouldn't act like that. And if they do, they're jerks, just like your husband. The sooner you accept that he is a jerk (or al least that he ACTED like a jerk) and dispense with the excuses ("oh, he can't help it, he's just a man"), the sooner you'll be able to figure out the real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, he is not a jerk, he's a guy and they are not always that smart. They are simple things, god help them.

OK, I know man-bashing is par for the course on DCUM, but really, OP? Your husband committed thousands of dollars and a significant amount of time that you as a family don't have to an endeavor that may or may not yield any ROI, all without your consent (and possibly even knowledge). Yet you claim he isn't a jerk, and blame it on his gender? News flash - MOST men wouldn't act like that. And if they do, they're jerks, just like your husband. The sooner you accept that he is a jerk (or al least that he ACTED like a jerk) and dispense with the excuses ("oh, he can't help it, he's just a man"), the sooner you'll be able to figure out the real problem.

I'm a guy and I would not have made a decision like that, one that will have such an impact on our family and finances, without talking it through with my wife. So while he may be a guy, he's still a jerk. He doesn't need to get your permission, but he should have gotten your opinion.