Forum Index
»
Elementary School-Aged Kids
DS's ex-gf sent him a "sext"- should I tell her parents?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
You have to tell ASAP. Its the right thing to do for all involved. But I would suggest you want to get counsel on the "how" to protect any possible attacks on your son. Hate to say it, but we've been in a case where another child did something awful to our child - police called in, and we had to worry about parents turning tables. they were very messed up and sadly, the cause of their child's problems. We had close friends who were lawyers who helped us navigate the situation to mitigate any possible risk to us and our child.
Reminds us all - that raising our children in this day in age means ensuring they know what is wrong and what to do when they see it. You should be very proud that you raised a son who told you immediately. |
Anonymous
| Check out today's New York Times article on cyberbullying. There are some great suggestions on how to handle these types of situations. |
Anonymous
|
OP,
Do you know the parents? For me, if I said nothing and she went on to sext others and things spun out of control, I'd feel terrible for not having said anything. She's old enough to know better, there is far more awareness about digital/wireless etiquette and legalities these days, many schools have workshops, we've seen stories in the press, etc., so it's more inexcusable in 2010 than it would have been even a few years ago. I would also want to know if my son did something this inappropriate. |
Anonymous
I agree. One expert had a sample script for talking to parents -- leaving them room to "save face": "I need to show you what your son typed to my daughter online. He may have meant it as a joke. But my daughter was really devastated. A lot of kids type things online that they would never dream of saying in person. And it can all be easily misinterpreted." http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20101205/ZNYT05/12053003/2055/NEWS?p=8&tc=pg |
Anonymous
|
Right that's a good starting point, obviously parents/OP would have to tailor the words to the situation.
The important thing is to express parenting solidarity. I thought you should know, I know teens are doing this without understanding the possible implications, etc. |
Anonymous
|
You might say something in person, vaguely, and always in the context of concern and love for their child.
As in: "I know teenagers can be very emotional and impulsive. I have a son, I was once a teen, and I can definitely relate. Given what I know about teenagers, I felt it was important to let you know that my son received a text message and photo from your daughter that she probably shouldn't have sent. It was a picture of herself that my son didn't ask for, and he deleted it right away. I'm not angry about it, because, after all, they're just kids, they're growing up, and they'll make mistakes. But this is something that could be more serious, especially if it happens again with someone else and the text message spreads. It would be the kind of thing that would be difficult to contain, and if your daughter or anyone else's teen child stopped to think about it, probably would regret sending in the first place. This probably isn't hte first time and not the last time it happens, but since we know about it, maybe we can help our own kids out." What do you think? |
Anonymous
|
Good, but a little too long. Stop after "I'm not angry..." and just conclude with something reiterating that if you were in their shoes you would want to know.
|
Anonymous
I agree. You'll be getting her in trouble in the short term. In the long term, you might be saving her from something much worse - like a kid who DOES forward it to the whole school. |
Anonymous
| So did you tell the parents? How did it go? |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for all of the input. I am very happy that my son told me within minutes of receiving the picture. I'm meeting his ex-girlfriend's mom for coffee later this week- while I don't think it will be an easy conversation, I also don't think that she will be abusive towards her daughter as some posters feared. |
Anonymous
| Is the girl hot? |
Anonymous
Too bad you deleted the picture. If ex-gf's mom goes into denial mode, the picture could have easily done all the talking. |
Anonymous
|
Good for you, OP. Lucky that your son shared it with you.
I think it's better to delete nude pictures than not. Case in point: Once my son had a self-portrait of himself, giving the finger. A friend's older brother found it and sent it to me. I thought my son had sent it. It was a prank. Thank goodness he had not sent it to one of my son's female classmates, etc. |
Anonymous
| I could see ex's parents decide to get mad at OP's DS and drag him into a legal mess. |
Anonymous
| I'm not following. What she did was almost certainly illegal. |