DS's ex-gf sent him a "sext"- should I tell her parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. As much as I, theoretically, would want to know if I were her mother (I'm curious), you are going to unleash a shit-storm on her. Having been a teenage girl who always. got. caught. I understand the need for boundaries and privacy. This is private. Mothers should not know about their daughter's sex life, no matter how curious they are.

Good God, TELL THEM!!! It's private until she sends the next topless photo to a less respectful boy, and all of a sudden it's all around school and on the internet. <shudder> She's 16, and needs to be made aware of the consequences of her (exceedingly bad) choices. I'm sure she won't feel this way not, but you're doing her a favor by telling her parents.

And OP, if your son brought this to your attention, it sounds like you've done a very good job raising him. As the mother of a daughter, thank you!

[Anonymous]

Yes, tell them right now!

[Anonymous]

PP here.

As for unleashing a shit-storm, better now when it's manageable. If she doesn't learn her lesson and does it again, the next fellow might not be so decent.

Followup email: Is there another way to document the call? Call from a cell, take a photo of the call with length of call? I don't think an email is going to help.

OP, I know your son is probably begging you not to do this. I know how intensely teens campaign to get their way, to keep parents out of things. This time, I'd explain you have to contact the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. As much as I, theoretically, would want to know if I were her mother (I'm curious), you are going to unleash a shit-storm on her. Having been a teenage girl who always. got. caught. I understand the need for boundaries and privacy. This is private. Mothers should not know about their daughter's sex life, no matter how curious they are.

Good God, TELL THEM!!! It's private until she sends the next topless photo to a less respectful boy, and all of a sudden it's all around school and on the internet. <shudder> She's 16, and needs to be made aware of the consequences of her (exceedingly bad) choices. I'm sure she won't feel this way not, but you're doing her a favor by telling her parents.

And OP, if your son brought this to your attention, it sounds like you've done a very good job raising him. As the mother of a daughter, thank you!

I totally agree! I have a teen boy and preteen girl. I would definitely want to know. Parents who don't want to know are the kind that need to know!

[Anonymous]

Yes I would tell her parents and I would talk to both kids about how dangerous this can be. I hope you realize that they are/were sexually active? You don't feel that comfortable showing something someone has never seen.

[Anonymous]

Tell, tell, tell.

[Anonymous]

Do you know her parents? Are they rational, caring parents who will react to this in a constructive way? Because, if my mother ever heard I drank alcohol or did something with a boy, my mother would beat me and ground me for several months at a time. I was allowed to go to school and be in my room-absolutely no where else or I would get it. All I'm saying is just make sure her parents are sane before you tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the parents.

Teens are not getting the message as to how serious this is. She is putting your son at risk, OP.

Do not hesitate. TELL THEM.

OP, I agree. Sexting puts your boy at risk. Students who have recieved naked pictures from friewnds can themselves be charged with being in possession of child pornography. If he has a cell phone at school, and she sexts him again, he can be charged with all sorts of things.

Her parents need to be told, and you need to tell them she is not allowed to send him any messages, period. Is there a away to block her number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her parents? Are they rational, caring parents who will react to this in a constructive way? Because, if my mother ever heard I drank alcohol or did something with a boy, my mother would beat me and ground me for several months at a time. I was allowed to go to school and be in my room-absolutely no where else or I would get it. All I'm saying is just make sure her parents are sane before you tell them.

That is horrible, PP. Your mom shouldn't have beaten you and you should have been protected from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her parents? Are they rational, caring parents who will react to this in a constructive way? Because, if my mother ever heard I drank alcohol or did something with a boy, my mother would beat me and ground me for several months at a time. I was allowed to go to school and be in my room-absolutely no where else or I would get it. All I'm saying is just make sure her parents are sane before you tell them.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

How about just telling the parents that the girl sent him an inappropriate text, and blocking her texts and calls to his cell phone (if you can do that?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her parents? Are they rational, caring parents who will react to this in a constructive way? Because, if my mother ever heard I drank alcohol or did something with a boy, my mother would beat me and ground me for several months at a time. I was allowed to go to school and be in my room-absolutely no where else or I would get it. All I'm saying is just make sure her parents are sane before you tell them.

Same here.

Third here. Although everyone in my community thinks my parents are sane, how would you ever know. I'd talk to the girl, alone.

[Anonymous]

Definitely tell. If my daughter ever does this, I pray that someone would tell me. The only thing I would have done different than you is that I would have exchanged phones with my DS so that I could show them the photo if they wanted to see it. Then I would have deleted it.

[Anonymous]

The parents need to know, and the odds that they are crazy/mean are pretty low. But, that said, do you have a good mutual friend? Another parent who could act as a go-between, or assure you that they are sane? When one of my DS's female friends had a really inappropriate photo on her FB page, I told a mom who knew the family well, who then passed the info along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents need to know, and the odds that they are crazy/mean are pretty low.

You sound kind and well meaning but I disagree. There are a lot of sadistic, fucked up people whom you would never believe both physically and emotionally abuse their children. I posted before about my mother. When I was 16 she beat me with a fly swatter and slapped and kicked me in the face because I rode my bike home shortly after dark. My parents were both well-respected in the community and no one would ever imagine the things that happened in our house.

Yes, we live in a rather affluent community, but please do not think that this does not happen in Washington.