Need to vent - just TOTALLY OVERWHELMED

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you, and I'm right there with you! It's just EXHAUSTING. Last night after dinner @ 8:30 DH said, "do you want to go watch Glee?" and I just about lost it. He's thinking: the baby is asleep so the day is over & it's time to relax. I'm thinking: I have to empty & reload the dishwasher, slice & pack DS's lunch, do a load of wash, clean up the cat puke, take out the trash, try to get 30 mins on the treadmill, answer emails from work, call my mom to find out what I need to bring to Thanksgiving Dinner, order DS's school pictures online, etc etc etc. Hopefully I get it all done so that I can get some sleep before waking up & starting all over @ 5:30am. I love DS so much, but it's incredibily hard...every single day.

[Anonymous]

One good thing about this thread is that I do not feel alone! Now that my kids are in ES, I add homework to the list of things to do - they are unable to do it idependently yet (Grade 1 and K). After they are tucked in for the night - there is dishes, going through all the paper in their folders to see if I need to return anything to school etc. It is a treadmill; a lot of running and going nowhere.

[Anonymous]

OP: is DH home at night before the baby goes down as well? Can you make lunches, pay bills, etc, before the baby's bedtime? There is nothing wrong with having your c hild play by him/herself next to you while you are writing checks and paying bills. Same goes for the morning -- I used to have my son in the bathroom with me when I showered with a playmat and some toys (before he was mobile). I also bought a little kitchen that I have in my kitchen so that my DS has somehting to play with and do in the kitchen while I'm in there too. Can you switch off bedtime, so that one person is putting the baby down while the other is doing chores? Bottom line, if you can find ways for one parent to be with the baby, the other one can be making lunches, paying bills, doing dishes, etc.

I think it's possible to completely eliminate (well, almost) errands from your life. Peapod.com. Diapers.com. You can even have your prescriptions mailed to you!

Finally, is there any possibility of getting a nanny at your house? Perhaps even host a nanny share if you can't afford it? My life got so much easier when I started having a nanny at home, since she does the baby's laundry, keeps things tidy, and I even have her cook dinner (super easy meals) twice a week.

Good luck! It does get better as they get older!

[Anonymous]

Whoever said to call in sick for a day and put baby in daycare--I recommend it. Take a day for yourself, go wander round the mall, drink coffee, work out, whatever. Even better, co-ordinate with your husband, book a hotel room with late checkout, and spend a lazy morning in bed with room service.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, hang in there. Vent when you need to, if it helps, but stop being your own worst critic. You need to give yourself permission to let stuff slide, because you HAVE NO CHOICE - there are only 24 hours in the day. Most of the stuff really doesn't matter in the long run.

I guess it comes down to priorities. My list is short. I have four kids, ranging from baby to elementary school, work only PT now. I have a messy house, kid stuff everywhere. For us, a homecooked meal is pasta and a bagged salad, and for now, that is fine because I'm meeting my bottom line. The kids are happy and healthy, they wear clean clothes and get to school on time, and the bills are paid. The rest is just extra and if the trade-off is an unhappy, stressed-out mom, "the rest" is just not worth it.

My motto is "why procrastinate when you can ignore something completely." Funny thing, once you start it turns out there are a lot of things you can ignore completely! Like giving a baby a daily bath. Ha, that happened when we had one kid but didn't last long. If it makes you feel better, blame the less-frequent baths on the winter weather - it dries baby's skin too much.

You aren't Superwoman and shouldn't try to be. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I also recommend calling in sick one day or using a vacation day and put the baby in daycare for that day. I do that about once every six months and it is so worth it to me. I take myself out to breakfast, do some projects that have been nagging at me, do some form of exercise (usually a walk with my iphone), make some meals to freeze, and decompress. It is sooo awesome to have 9 hours of alone time.

[Anonymous]

Babies are exhausting. It gets much easier as they get older. Sure some things get harder, but so many things get easier.

Take a day off from work, take the baby to daycare and rest. You will feel better. OK, still tired, but not as overwhelmed.

There is a fine balance between work hours, time with baby, and bringing work home. I have found it better to get to work earlier and get the work done. Since your DH is the one playing with your baby, you may find it's not that much harder to leave earlier (or you may find it sucks). You just have to find the balance that works for you.

But I think its great your job lets you be at work only 8 hours (with the trade-off that you do more of course). I get to work before you and leave after to get "8 hours" in. I'm not saying you have it easy, just saying appreciate the flexibility.

[Anonymous]

I feel overwhelmed just reading your post!

I also work full-time and often feel overwhelmed. I just wanted to add one small piece of advice. I have two dogs and am also concerned about all the fur. I few weeks ago, I purchased The Mint automatic floor cleaner. I run it every other day on my hardwood floors, and it has been wonderful! I love it. It retails at BedBathBeyond for $199 and with their 20% off coupons, you can get it for $160. I don't mean to come off sounding like a salesperson, but really, this has saved me hours and hours of cleaning, especially since my dogs have been shedding this fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night after dinner @ 8:30 DH said, "do you want to go watch Glee?" and I just about lost it. He's thinking: the baby is asleep so the day is over & it's time to relax. I'm thinking: I have to empty & reload the dishwasher, slice & pack DS's lunch, do a load of wash, clean up the cat puke, take out the trash, try to get 30 mins on the treadmill, answer emails from work, call my mom to find out what I need to bring to Thanksgiving Dinner, order DS's school pictures online, etc etc etc.

Heh. It sounds like you're married to DH...and me. We're both the same way: dishes in the sink, clothes in the hamper. Whatever. Time to have a glass of wine and decompress. Funny, the roof hasn't fallen in yet, and the sun hasn't turned blood-red.

We do have a great relationship, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you are not looking for answers, good thing because I don't have any! I will say that you are doing one (probably more than one) thing that is GREAT for your baby! You are only leaving your baby for what seems like 8 hours. MANY families in you position keep their kids at daycare for more than 10 hours a day. I hope things will get better for you!

Gosh, that's helpful!

NOT

[Anonymous]

I didn't read responses so regrets on repeats:
1. baby might have outgrown nurse to sleep. Might need to just let him fall asleep alone in bed. I bet it will take less than 30 minutes.
2. Trader Joe is your friend.
3. can you simplify your look? I've gotten makeup down to 5 minutes and it's a full face.
4. Could DH do more? I just stopped doing stuff. Like I used to make dinner. Then I just set out what needed to be made. Then I said what needed to be done. Now is say "i have no idea".
5. Does DH do his own laundry, kids, towels, kitchen stuff? Could he?
6. Do you watch tv? that makes time.
7. can you do a work uniform? Let's say you have a casual job. COuld you buy 5 or 10 kakhi pants and button down shrits? do you have 30 undies and 30 socks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just need somewhere anonymous but full of others in my position. I'm just... tired of treading water. I'm tired of my head constantly bobbing just barely above the surface. I work 15 hour days every day. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredibly loving and supportive DH, but still. I wake up at 6:00 with the baby (as does DH) and we're gogogo until we're out the door at 7:45. That's DH's playtime with the baby, mostly because I take longer to get ready, but I spend some time with DS playing too. I'm at work by 8:15 and I'm gogogo until I leave at 4:15 to pick up the baby from daycare. Then I'm commuting. Then I'm home and getting in my playtime, then it's dinner for DS, bath, and bed time. DS is teething so bedtime has been taking an hour lately rather than its normal 30 minutes... I think THAT is what is putting me over. Rocking, nursing, bouncing, then DH walking and bouncing, then rinse and repeat. Then cook dinner and clean up the house, make lunches for the next day and get things ready to leave tomorrow. Then work another hour on work related tasks because I can almost never get it all done (even though I work pretty hard). Also walk, play with and feed the dog and cat. Also spend "meaningful" time with DH. Also keep life related tasks going. Pay bills, return emails, write thank you cards, make lists lists lists (grocery lists, errands lists, daycare lists). I'm lucky if I get to bed at midnight. DH works on the weekends (its in his line of work) so weekends are me being a single mom and trying to have some fun with DS but also get tasks done.

I SERIOUSLY CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. PANTPANTPANT. I feel like downing a bottle of whiskey and smoking a pack of cigarettes. Because that will be really great for 6:00 am wake up.

Sorry, I'm not looking for answers. I just needed to get that out. Thank you. Gack.

Hang in there OP. I think we all feel the same way at one time or another. This sounds like my day and I am a single mother. The only thing that stops me from drinking alcohol at night is knowing that I may need to drive my kid to the ER if anything happened to him and I can't do it after a glass or two of wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you are not looking for answers, good thing because I don't have any! I will say that you are doing one (probably more than one) thing that is GREAT for your baby! You are only leaving your baby for what seems like 8 hours. MANY families in you position keep their kids at daycare for more than 10 hours a day. I hope things will get better for you!

You know, I think this was meant well, but it is such a backhanded compliment and an insult to parents that have good care for their children but the kids are in care for a longer day. The implication is that daycare is something to be endured for the minimum amount of time possible. If I arrive to pick up my 2 year old before or right at 4:30, she is generally in the middle of something interesting and annoyed at being picked up too soon. Also, I think children left in daycare more than 10 hours is a rarity. Maybe it is prevalent in the burbs because parents have miserable commutes and prefer their children to be in the calm of daycare over stuck in traffic, but in my experience with urban daycare 10 hours is a rare occurrence.

Ouch, this was a slap in my face. I do leave DS at daycare for about 10 hours a day 7:20-5:ish. He is 10 mos and I am just as bogged down as OP. It seems like I have even less help from DH as he rarely helps in the morning and is usually working all night. I miss DS so much during the day but I have no choice but to work. This thread has bummed me out this AM.

Me too. I have no choice but to leave my kids with their childcare (au pair, not day care) 10 hours every day - and I am gone almost an hour before that 10-hour stretch even begins. Frankly, we need my income to keep the household running, so that's life for now. I can't cut back - my paycheck pays the mortgage, buys the broceries, keeps the lights on. Let's focus on helping the OP, not denigrating other moms who have reduced options when it comes to childcare and time out of the house. I think most of us would prefer to be with our kids more if we could - it doesn't help to have someone else judge us for not being able to do so.

I apologize, I wrote the response that said I did not think 10 hours in daycare was that common but I did not mean to make anyone feel bad or judge the circumstances where that is the case. My daycare is located near work locations and my experience is that most kids there are not there for the entire time they are open (which is 10 hours total). My point was to respond to the implication that time in daycare was somehow comparable to the gulag. I have two DDs, one currently in daycare and one a daycare graduate now in kindergarten. My experience with daycare has been very good. I am very close with my girls and both loved and thrived at their daycare.