Wedding gift

[Anonymous]

The gift to me is people coming. I don't expect gifts. I also try to think about guests and so we made everything convenient and affordable. Would you prefer they don't come, but give a generous gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll move past this but people get to be who they are and we get to decide if we want to spend time with them.
I’m not sure why he thought we needed to know about it anyway.

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

Your friends easily spent $600+ on 2 nights at an Airbnb plus Ubers and other meals. Plus gas for the 4 hour drive. And perhaps new outfits. Honestly, they might have spent upwards of $1k.

Personally, I still would have given the couple at least $200.

What do you typically give as a wedding gift, op?

My DH’s family throws expensive weddings and my MIL tells us how much to give (it’s usually $500 if we attend; $200 if we don’t). My family is more low key, and we’ve been giving everyone on my side $200.

My kids are too young to get married, but I’ll just be happy if my friends and family show up. Everyone lives in different states, and travel costs money. I also hope my kids have low key weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only in recent years that the etiquette mavens have been saying gifts are not required for a wedding, probably because of how common it now is to have to travel to attend a wedding. It used to be required to give a wedding gift, even if it was modest.

Maybe he told your son because he didn’t want your son to spend time trying to figure out if a gift got lost, stolen or is yet to come.

He did NOT tell my son. He told my husband. And now, I'm not sure if we need to mention it to son.

[Anonymous]

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

[Anonymous]

This is the kind of thread that I find interesting on DCUM because it lets us in on the thoughts and feelings of someone in a way we probably would never know in real life.

I don’t think I actually know anyone like this, but it is very interesting to know people who think this way exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

Eh, most parents of the bride or groom ask what certain people gave.

And generally speaking, the couple typically flags for their parents what their friends gave.

Like someone else said, it’s possible they didn’t want the couple to think their gift was lost.

Perfectly reasonable that the guy wanted to get out in front of it.

Honestly, I would interpret it as the husband’s guilt or shame. He’s likely embarrassed and trying to save face.

Why not be gracious and simply move on?

It’s so weird how anything tied to a wedding seemingly requires extra levels of drama and emotions. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

+1
the truth is, OP, that your friends most likely were not all that excited to attend the wedding. They did so to show they care about you but make no mistake, it was obligatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

+1
the truth is, OP, that your friends most likely were not all that excited to attend the wedding. They did so to show they care about you but make no mistake, it was obligatory.

Mmm they really like our son.
And no, I’d never ask our son and his wife about gifts.
The guys said it almost to justify. It cost us a lot of money to attend so we didn’t give a gift. Ok but why stay for two days then. And their Airbnb (as he told me DH) was hundreds more than the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

+1
the truth is, OP, that your friends most likely were not all that excited to attend the wedding. They did so to show they care about you but make no mistake, it was obligatory.

Mmm they really like our son.
And no, I’d never ask our son and his wife about gifts.
The guys said it almost to justify. It cost us a lot of money to attend so we didn’t give a gift. Ok but why stay for two days then. And their Airbnb (as he told me DH) was hundreds more than the hotel.

Maybe the hotel was sold out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

+1
the truth is, OP, that your friends most likely were not all that excited to attend the wedding. They did so to show they care about you but make no mistake, it was obligatory.

Mmm they really like our son.
And no, I’d never ask our son and his wife about gifts.
The guys said it almost to justify. It cost us a lot of money to attend so we didn’t give a gift. Ok but why stay for two days then. And their Airbnb (as he told me DH) was hundreds more than the hotel.

Did they need to travel with their kids, an elderly relative, or dog? Those are valid reasons to need an Airbnb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

+1
the truth is, OP, that your friends most likely were not all that excited to attend the wedding. They did so to show they care about you but make no mistake, it was obligatory.

Mmm they really like our son.
And no, I’d never ask our son and his wife about gifts.
The guys said it almost to justify. It cost us a lot of money to attend so we didn’t give a gift. Ok but why stay for two days then. And their Airbnb (as he told me DH) was hundreds more than the hotel.

Did they need to travel with their kids, an elderly relative, or dog? Those are valid reasons to need an Airbnb.

They don’t have any of these. They may have wanted to arrive Friday to go to the farmers market Saturday morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

The Airbnb might have been less expensive than the hotel or offered a refrigerator, etc.

They might not have wanted to fight traffic.

The op is really making a lot of assumptions and applying her own choices to justify her outrage. It speaks volumes about her.

Just say the quiet part out loud, op:

You think your friends should have driven 2+ hours to the wedding, then 2+ hours home, and given a nice gift rather than absorb the cost (never mind the hassle, traffic, time suck, etc.) to travel based on their personal preference or needs.

+1
the truth is, OP, that your friends most likely were not all that excited to attend the wedding. They did so to show they care about you but make no mistake, it was obligatory.

Mmm they really like our son.
And no, I’d never ask our son and his wife about gifts.
The guys said it almost to justify. It cost us a lot of money to attend so we didn’t give a gift. Ok but why stay for two days then. And their Airbnb (as he told me DH) was hundreds more than the hotel.

Maybe the hotel was sold out?

There were two in the block and none were sold out.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn't bother me in the least.

[Anonymous]

Some places have a minimum two night (or more) stay requirement.

Maybe they made their reservations months ago, thinking they could afford it all. But after months of higher gas prices, their budget has become strained and with no end in sight, they no longer could afford to give a nice gift in addition to the travel. And it probably was too late to cancel their reservations.

Maybe they didn’t want to walk to all the wedding activities in high heels and nice dress clothes, especially if it could be very hot or rainy. Or maybe they have some health issues.

If they really like your son, it seems unlikely that they were trying to be deliberately hurtful. But if they’re longtime friends, it seems you would’ve noticed if they tend to be generous or cheap.