Wedding gift

[Anonymous]

ICYMI: you don’t invite people to a far-flung wedding and expect a gift.

Heck, plenty of couples proactively convey “no gifts” these days.

Anyway, since you’ve commented multiple times that you would never ask about a gift, then why do you suddenly care? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Young people cannot afford to give gifts. NBD.

[Anonymous]

You know these people well enough to invite them to your sons wedding, they attended and spend hundreds of dollars on it, but that’s not good enough for you because they didn’t give a gift on top of that. You also didn’t address how long your son and his now wife had been cohabitating before the wedding. If this is going to be a dealbreaker for you, I’d say you’re shallow.

[Anonymous]

I have a youngish (early 30s) colleague/direct report who has traveled for at least 5 weddings already this year. She is the type of person who shows up - and is burning through vacation leave and money in the process. She and partner are also trying to save for a house. I hope that the couples whose weddings she has attended appreciate her being there - whether she gives a card, smallish gift, expensive gift, or no gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s only in recent years that the etiquette mavens have been saying gifts are not required for a wedding, probably because of how common it now is to have to travel to attend a wedding. It used to be required to give a wedding gift, even if it was modest.

Maybe he told your son because he didn’t want your son to spend time trying to figure out if a gift got lost, stolen or is yet to come.

He did NOT tell my son. He told my husband. And now, I'm not sure if we need to mention it to son.

If your son is more concerned with a gift than people making an effort to celebrate his wedding with him, like you are, by all means tell him. If he invited these people because he genuinely wanted them there and enjoyed seeing them, don't tell him. He doesn't care, and he's a better host and person than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married locally a few years ago. Over 80% of our guests lived in the DMV or within a couple of hours, so not what I’d consider a ‘destination’ wedding. We had several people, including a close family member who came completely empty handed. Not even a card. I honestly found it really rude: our registry was very reasonable and had multiple items that were under $30; a friend who is a student/on a tight budget got us a $10 item I was thrilled with. It wasn’t about the gifts, but it just seemed thoughtless to not even bring a card.

Ironically, the people who traveled the farthest (including a couple from overseas) all gave nice gifts.

Sometimes I take care of wedding gifts/cards after the party; it depends on my schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He (or more likely his wife) assumed you would ask your son what the Smiths gave the couple as a gift, so he was just trying to get out in front of it.

I would have not asked.
My point in explaining travel is that they didn't need to stay two days. They didn't need to uber because being at the hotel put everything in walkable distance. They chose the Airbnb. I get that some don't like hotels though.

Airbnbs are often less expensive than hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ICYMI: you don’t invite people to a far-flung wedding and expect a gift.

Heck, plenty of couples proactively convey “no gifts” these days.

Anyway, since you’ve commented multiple times that you would never ask about a gift, then why do you suddenly care? Weird.

Far flung? It was two hours away.
And.. these ppl are 65ish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know these people well enough to invite them to your sons wedding, they attended and spend hundreds of dollars on it, but that’s not good enough for you because they didn’t give a gift on top of that. You also didn’t address how long your son and his now wife had been cohabitating before the wedding. If this is going to be a dealbreaker for you, I’d say you’re shallow.

It’s not a dealbreaker ffs.
Cohabiting? 1.5 years. Why is that important? They asked for ppl to contribute to a honeymoon fund, if ppl wanted to give a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married locally a few years ago. Over 80% of our guests lived in the DMV or within a couple of hours, so not what I’d consider a ‘destination’ wedding. We had several people, including a close family member who came completely empty handed. Not even a card. I honestly found it really rude: our registry was very reasonable and had multiple items that were under $30; a friend who is a student/on a tight budget got us a $10 item I was thrilled with. It wasn’t about the gifts, but it just seemed thoughtless to not even bring a card.

Ironically, the people who traveled the farthest (including a couple from overseas) all gave nice gifts.

Sometimes I take care of wedding gifts/cards after the party; it depends on my schedule.

Ok but the guy made a point that they weren’t giving a gift.

[Anonymous]

MAYBE they thought it would drive the OP nuts...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ICYMI: you don’t invite people to a far-flung wedding and expect a gift.

Heck, plenty of couples proactively convey “no gifts” these days.

Anyway, since you’ve commented multiple times that you would never ask about a gift, then why do you suddenly care? Weird.

Far flung? It was two hours away.
And.. these ppl are 65ish.

2 hours is a schlep for most people…especially older people…particularly when a wedding, reception, and alcohol are involved.

Most people aren’t up for driving home 2+ hours after a wedding…but you know that since you got room blocks at two hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married locally a few years ago. Over 80% of our guests lived in the DMV or within a couple of hours, so not what I’d consider a ‘destination’ wedding. We had several people, including a close family member who came completely empty handed. Not even a card. I honestly found it really rude: our registry was very reasonable and had multiple items that were under $30; a friend who is a student/on a tight budget got us a $10 item I was thrilled with. It wasn’t about the gifts, but it just seemed thoughtless to not even bring a card.

Ironically, the people who traveled the farthest (including a couple from overseas) all gave nice gifts.

Sometimes I take care of wedding gifts/cards after the party; it depends on my schedule.

Ok but the guy made a point that they weren’t giving a gift.

I’m replying to the post that I quoted. Please see above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married locally a few years ago. Over 80% of our guests lived in the DMV or within a couple of hours, so not what I’d consider a ‘destination’ wedding. We had several people, including a close family member who came completely empty handed. Not even a card. I honestly found it really rude: our registry was very reasonable and had multiple items that were under $30; a friend who is a student/on a tight budget got us a $10 item I was thrilled with. It wasn’t about the gifts, but it just seemed thoughtless to not even bring a card.

Ironically, the people who traveled the farthest (including a couple from overseas) all gave nice gifts.

Sometimes I take care of wedding gifts/cards after the party; it depends on my schedule.

Ok but the guy made a point that they weren’t giving a gift.

I’m replying to the post that I quoted. Please see above.

I am the PP who made that original post and seeing as it's been over two years and we have yet to receive gifts, I think it's safe to say they just came empty handed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know these people well enough to invite them to your sons wedding, they attended and spend hundreds of dollars on it, but that’s not good enough for you because they didn’t give a gift on top of that. You also didn’t address how long your son and his now wife had been cohabitating before the wedding. If this is going to be a dealbreaker for you, I’d say you’re shallow.

It’s not a dealbreaker ffs.
Cohabiting? 1.5 years. Why is that important? They asked for ppl to contribute to a honeymoon fund, if ppl wanted to give a gift.

Well here is the problem. They asked for money. Most polite 65+ year olds with a decent upbringing would find this tacky AF. They are politely telling your son that you don't ask for money. If they can't afford a honeymoon, spend less on the wedding.