Is the obsession with private schools justified?

[Anonymous]

Your naval gazing is ridiculous OP. The answer is simple..if you don't like private...go public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing….

People who can actually afford these schools and belong there don’t care about prestige, rigor or college admissions.

Your the rube trying to place yourself adjacent to them… which is why people will call you a striver,

The rest don’t care about those sophomoric concerns.

Do they end up with the end goal you sweat and toil over, yes but not why and how you hope it’s happening.

Inside the bubble it’s not opaque… it’s only opaque from the outside looking in.

You are a good example of what I am describing: people tying a school to their social status (“Inside the bubble, it’s not opaque.”)

My only metric is the quality of the education. And by that metric, the top private school my child attends is failing.

So why are you there? Serious question! If I were naming the top high school in the area as far as quality of education, by reputation I think it would be TJ. That’s a public school.

I also feel like if you really want to be “elite” in this country, you don’t stay in DC. This is the backwoods.

If TJ is so great, then why do multiple grads end of up JMU or GMU? What happened there? Could have gotten to that same destination with a lot less effort.

Money is one reason and they go to JMU for free.

Many are ecstatic to go to JMU engineering for free.

Mental health is the other. Many at TJ crash and burn mentally because they don’t want an “elite” education but their parents put all their delusions onto their kids.

Like parents of stressed out kids in privates.

Yes there are stressed out parents in private because they went for the wrong reasons.

The kids are stressed out. Read for understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand the private schools. The teachers make half of public school teachers. How many private school parents would take a job for a much lower salary?? Private schools have wonderful sales people!

Why would anyone want to work for the government when the private sector pays better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In any case, we are leaving this year. Not so much for the money, it’s just that the educational experience is very poor.

No, I am not looking for my kid getting into MIT. Just that they learn the same level of math or writing skills you can learn in any good school around the world, not less.

Which school?

Not that you are actually going to name it.

[Anonymous]

First, most of us don’t start off by hiring consultants. We visit schools, talk to friends and neighbors about their experiences and go from there. If you have to hire a consultant, I’m guessing you don’t have any knowledge or experience with private schools and, therefore, don’t understand why people attend in the first place.

Frankly, the admissions process is not all that opaque. In the younger years, schools want polite kids who won’t be trouble makers and nice parents who won’t be a PITA. In the older years, they want a kid who can do the work and will be a good addition to their community. They rely on references from schools that have consistently sent them these types of kids in the past.

The vast majority of us don’t send our kids to schools with the next destination in mind. We send our kids to private schools bc it’s a nicer, more well-rounded overall experience. Our teachers are there because they want to be there and it’s evident every day. My kids feel known and loved. Our whole family is part of the school community.

There are few worksheets and little rote memorization but lots of classroom discussions, respectful debates, tons of writing and presentation assignments and work that requires true critical thinking. My kids have had PE every year and had several recesses a day when they were younger. They’ve been able to participate in sports on a level that wouldn't have been accessible at public schools. They’ve been fed wholesome lunches and snacks. While neither took to the arts, they’ve had lots of exposure and took classes like ceramics, acting, photography, stagecraft, etc. that they wouldn’t have taken in public schools. While this wasn’t something we thought of when starting down the private path at PK, they have developed incredible networks of great families who can help them launch their careers one day.

My oldest is off to a SEC school next year that some at DCUM would scoff at. He’s super excited and will undoubtedly have a great college experience. I don’t worry at all about his ability to land in a successful career one day. DH and I didn’t go to Ivies and we managed to do just fine (perhaps due to our private school educations). It was our goal for our kids to have an enjoyable, well-rounded education. They received that. My son just said he’d rate his high school experience as an A+++. To me, that’s as good of an outcome as I could want for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I want my kid to attend the best possible school. So far, so good. But my experience in DC has felt a bit off compared to my experience overseas: paying $40,000 for childcare at NCRC partly to get access to top private schools, hiring consultants to prepare children for admissions, dealing with opaque selection processes that seem influenced by connections, and seeing schools treated as symbols of social status.

And then, when you finally get into a top private school, you realize that the college admissions numbers may be distorted by athletes and legacy admissions, and that the actual curriculum is not necessarily stronger than what good public schools offer. So at some point you have to ask: is it really worth obsessing over something that may offer such poor value?

Getting back to the original question (and stopping with the name calling and finger pointing). If you want your kid to attend the best possible school, it may not be a private school. Each kid's journey will be different, and you have to make a collective family decision about what you want to get out of your child's education. We have anecdotal evidence that shows our daughter thrives in private schools. Our daughter started out in public school. She ended up needed more structure and one-on-one direction than public school was able to provide so we moved her to a private school. Her grades immediately improved and she blossomed socially. During COVID we returned to public school (couldn't justify the cost for virtual schooling so we took a hiatus). Her grades immediately plummeted upon returning to public school as the classes were larger and the teachers were teaching to a curriculum rather than to the students. After COVID we returned to a private school and, once again, she thrived with the academic rigor and a more tailored learning experience.

Our journey does not mean private school is better, only that it provided us what we needed at the time. In some cases - strongly dependent on the child - public schools could be much better. The kids are growing up in areas around their friends (our daughter's friends were many miles away so hanging out after school wasn't an option for many years); the public schools in our area can be very good if your child is a self-starter and disciplined; and you can save a lot of money (which can be reinvested into other things that may help your child perform better such as a tutors or test preparations).

On the other hand, there have been other positives with private schools. You child(ren) goes to school with other kids whose parents place an importance on education, for example. It's not a bad thing for your kids to be surrounded by others who make education a priority as it sort of rubs off in a positive way. Also, private schools do seem to have better connections with both colleges and alumni. It is true that 'who' you know can be more important than 'what' you know.

Are you saying the hundreds of thousands of parents sending their kids to public school do not prioritize education in the same way you do?

[Anonymous]

Roughly only 10% of kids in the US go to private schools. That's hardly an "obsession".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then, when you finally get into a top private school, you realize that the college admissions numbers may be distorted by athletes and legacy admissions, and that the actual curriculum is not necessarily stronger than what good public schools offer. So at some point you have to ask: is it really worth obsessing over something that may offer such poor value?

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you saying the hundreds of thousands of parents sending their kids to public school do not prioritize education in the same way you do?

X = percentage of private school parents who prioritize education
Y = percentage of public school parents who prioritize education

Are you claiming that Y>X?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you saying the hundreds of thousands of parents sending their kids to public school do not prioritize education in the same way you do?

Not saying that at all, you dope. Of course there are public school parents who prioritize their kids' education. What I'm saying - that you failed to grasp - is private schools have fewer families, and therefore students, who don't care/see the value in a good education. Need to send you back to school (you decide if it's public or private)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing….

People who can actually afford these schools and belong there don’t care about prestige, rigor or college admissions.

Your the rube trying to place yourself adjacent to them… which is why people will call you a striver,

The rest don’t care about those sophomoric concerns.

Do they end up with the end goal you sweat and toil over, yes but not why and how you hope it’s happening.

Inside the bubble it’s not opaque… it’s only opaque from the outside looking in.

You are a good example of what I am describing: people tying a school to their social status (“Inside the bubble, it’s not opaque.”)

My only metric is the quality of the education. And by that metric, the top private school my child attends is failing.

You picked a school based on status and prestige. You may have wanted the best education, but that’s not what you actually selected for when you sent your 3-year-old to a specific preschool for “access to top schools” and hired a private consultant, most of whom are there to get their clients into name brands, not best education. You assumed The Name meant “best education” and are only now learning that it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

My kids are at NCS. They were in public before. The education was not better in public. The change was night and day for us. We were at a good NW public school. Of course this was our experience and others may think the education/experience was better in public. For us the difference was huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I want my kid to attend the best possible school. So far, so good. But my experience in DC has felt a bit off compared to my experience overseas: paying $40,000 for childcare at NCRC partly to get access to top private schools, hiring consultants to prepare children for admissions, dealing with opaque selection processes that seem influenced by connections, and seeing schools treated as symbols of social status.

And then, when you finally get into a top private school, you realize that the college admissions numbers may be distorted by athletes and legacy admissions, and that the actual curriculum is not necessarily stronger than what good public schools offer. So at some point you have to ask: is it really worth obsessing over something that may offer such poor value?

What grades are your kids? By middle school, it was very easy to see the differentiation between a strong independent school and the local public (unless you are comparing to TJ/Blair, which is not the right comparison).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing….

People who can actually afford these schools and belong there don’t care about prestige, rigor or college admissions.

Your the rube trying to place yourself adjacent to them… which is why people will call you a striver,

The rest don’t care about those sophomoric concerns.

Do they end up with the end goal you sweat and toil over, yes but not why and how you hope it’s happening.

Inside the bubble it’s not opaque… it’s only opaque from the outside looking in.

You are a good example of what I am describing: people tying a school to their social status (“Inside the bubble, it’s not opaque.”)

My only metric is the quality of the education. And by that metric, the top private school my child attends is failing.

So why are you there? Serious question! If I were naming the top high school in the area as far as quality of education, by reputation I think it would be TJ. That’s a public school.

I also feel like if you really want to be “elite” in this country, you don’t stay in DC. This is the backwoods.

If TJ is so great, then why do multiple grads end of up JMU or GMU? What happened there? Could have gotten to that same destination with a lot less effort.

What happened was aid didn't meet need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the thing….

People who can actually afford these schools and belong there don’t care about prestige, rigor or college admissions.

Your the rube trying to place yourself adjacent to them… which is why people will call you a striver,

The rest don’t care about those sophomoric concerns.

Do they end up with the end goal you sweat and toil over, yes but not why and how you hope it’s happening.

Inside the bubble it’s not opaque… it’s only opaque from the outside looking in.

You are a good example of what I am describing: people tying a school to their social status (“Inside the bubble, it’s not opaque.”)

My only metric is the quality of the education. And by that metric, the top private school my child attends is failing.

You picked a school based on status and prestige. You may have wanted the best education, but that’s not what you actually selected for when you sent your 3-year-old to a specific preschool for “access to top schools” and hired a private consultant, most of whom are there to get their clients into name brands, not best education. You assumed The Name meant “best education” and are only now learning that it doesn’t.

The dirty secret of "elite" private schools.