Why are rich people so cagey about money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

Because most rich people are rich because they inherited family money, got lucky, or stood on the backs of giants to get to where they are in life. All of these situations encourage cagey behavior because of the embarrassment and lack of honor associated with how people acquired their wealth. It is difficult for a trust fund baby to have an honest conversation about the value of working hard when they’ve only read about the foreign concept of hard work in boarding school classes.

This pretty much sums up most of the well heeled individuals on DCUM.

Cite sources for assumptions. And, if you genuinely think wealth is just something that is inherited be very careful never ever to save money, invest, or have a decent job. Or worse, all of the above. Pick 2 of the 3 and be consistent for twenty years and you'll be wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

how do you even know “how rich” someone is? You would have zero clue that our income is at around 1.4M and had been so for years. have live in the same house for 18years and we invest heavily, as our burn rate is only 12000/mo. we live like we are on a 200k salary. Everything else is invested and maximized.

You would have no clue our net worth is 8 figures.

[Anonymous]

Imagine a world where rich people weren't "cagey." They're just flaunting their wealth and rubbing it in people's faces. No thanks. It's about being polite and reading the room (and hopefully generous!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

How many rich people are you having lunch with, hmm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich people become wealthy because they are strategic with their money and do not waste it. That being said, rich people can also be very generous with their close friends. They value friendship and loyalty above everything else. One of my best friends has a net worth of over $500 million, while I am just a GS-13 government worker. He bought me a $100,000 car for my 50th birthday and lets me use many of his homes in Europe and South America. He even paid for my kids’ college tuition. To him, friendship and loyalty are the most important things in life.

Rich people are rich because we have a tax code that helps them and they steal the labor of others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

Because most rich people are rich because they inherited family money, got lucky, or stood on the backs of giants to get to where they are in life. All of these situations encourage cagey behavior because of the embarrassment and lack of honor associated with how people acquired their wealth. It is difficult for a trust fund baby to have an honest conversation about the value of working hard when they’ve only read about the foreign concept of hard work in boarding school classes.

This pretty much sums up most of the well heeled individuals on DCUM.

I’m a trust fund baby and I’m perfectly capable of having a conversation about anything but come on, I would be crazy to do anything but steer well clear of you which is what you want anyway!

[Anonymous]

I don’t find men to be like this. They are generous. Will pick up the entire check without care. Women are very quick to split the check and won’t let another woman pick it up. Weird.

[Anonymous]

I have no issue being generous with my friends and family. But if you're not my close friend or family, no. Also if we go out to lunch and you order a bunch of expensive stuff and then slide the check over to me, absolutely not. I've been lower income and I never just expected friends to pay my way.

It's pretty easy to tell the difference between someone who's comfortable using and spending your money and someone who actually wants to spend time with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of them are rich because they are good at managing their finances and not wasting money.

Some rich people are hypersensitive that their friends are taking advantage of their wealth. They want to pay their costs and no one else. They want to know that their friendships are real and not transactional.

Most rich people are generous.

lol not true at all. Rich people are generous when they feel it benefits them.

I think rich people don’t get to be rich without caring a lot about money and themselves. So that’s why they are weird about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

By adulthood, those of us who have saved a few pennies are experts at detecting entitled bums who think they deserve the good life of champagne and caviar just because.

Yeah no, the problem is you treat everyone who you think isn’t as rich/good at their job/ as you as if they are bums. And you see no value in helping other people out. When there is a joint expense you insist on strict 50-50 even if you outearn everyone. You try to control how other people spend their money based on how worthy you think they are. Within the family you pick favorites to spend your money on.

I have seen this time and time again with my rich bothers. They insist that they are being cheated if the poorest sibling doesn’t contribute exactly the same as they do. meanwhile I (an average earner) am quietly sending money to the relatives who need it because I care about them and trust them. They make huge drama over things that would cost them literally one fancy meal to resolve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find men to be like this. They are generous. Will pick up the entire check without care. Women are very quick to split the check and won’t let another woman pick it up. Weird.

As long as we are generalizing, I just counted 18+ men over the last 30 years, who have asked me for money, taken my money, looked for my money, 'borrowed' my money, sent me to get a loan from bank, used my credit cards... Now you see how they have money to be generous? Luckily credit cards were easy to prove and courts made him pay the money back.
How did all this happen to me? I lived with the poor and around poor as an immigrant. I worked 60 hours a week and saved. I also was around 'businessman' who refused to pay for every hour of labor because they are in business to make money.
Men are also very careless with money compared to women. They don't think about being homeless and safety issues.They borrow more than women (you google it). They also pay back less often as they don't really care.
Men open businesses more often than women, because they have bigger risk tolerance. It's not like they always worked for that money.
I worked for a businessman, well, several, in Adams Morgan, who didn't pay the $2.77 an hour to their 6 employees working full time for years. You do the math. Went on open another restaurant and everyone admires them for being so clever.
An 'friend' just asked me for $150k. Ofcourse it's a man. Can he be more extreme? I have the money, but who the heck asks for it?!
I've seen men screwing each other over many times when it comes to money. Women? Less often. It's mostly men dealing with money.
Big generalization, but I'm not letting go 30 years of personal experience with men and money.
They also use money to control.
'I will pay you back if you do this or that or when I get this...'. Imagine giving out interest free loan and then being controlled by the person, because you hope they give it back to you.
I've also been beaten for refusing to give out money.
We must live in two different worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rich people become wealthy because they are strategic with their money and do not waste it. That being said, rich people can also be very generous with their close friends. They value friendship and loyalty above everything else. One of my best friends has a net worth of over $500 million, while I am just a GS-13 government worker. He bought me a $100,000 car for my 50th birthday and lets me use many of his homes in Europe and South America. He even paid for my kids’ college tuition. To him, friendship and loyalty are the most important things in life.

Rich people are rich because we have a tax code that helps them and they steal the labor of others

You really drank the kool aid didn’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find men to be like this. They are generous. Will pick up the entire check without care. Women are very quick to split the check and won’t let another woman pick it up. Weird.

As long as we are generalizing, I just counted 18+ men over the last 30 years, who have asked me for money, taken my money, looked for my money, 'borrowed' my money, sent me to get a loan from bank, used my credit cards... Now you see how they have money to be generous? Luckily credit cards were easy to prove and courts made him pay the money back.
How did all this happen to me? I lived with the poor and around poor as an immigrant. I worked 60 hours a week and saved. I also was around 'businessman' who refused to pay for every hour of labor because they are in business to make money.
Men are also very careless with money compared to women. They don't think about being homeless and safety issues.They borrow more than women (you google it). They also pay back less often as they don't really care.
Men open businesses more often than women, because they have bigger risk tolerance. It's not like they always worked for that money.
I worked for a businessman, well, several, in Adams Morgan, who didn't pay the $2.77 an hour to their 6 employees working full time for years. You do the math. Went on open another restaurant and everyone admires them for being so clever.
An 'friend' just asked me for $150k. Ofcourse it's a man. Can he be more extreme? I have the money, but who the heck asks for it?!
I've seen men screwing each other over many times when it comes to money. Women? Less often. It's mostly men dealing with money.
Big generalization, but I'm not letting go 30 years of personal experience with men and money.
They also use money to control.
'I will pay you back if you do this or that or when I get this...'. Imagine giving out interest free loan and then being controlled by the person, because you hope they give it back to you.
I've also been beaten for refusing to give out money.
We must live in two different worlds.

We definitely live in two different worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

By adulthood, those of us who have saved a few pennies are experts at detecting entitled bums who think they deserve the good life of champagne and caviar just because.

Yeah no, the problem is you treat everyone who you think isn’t as rich/good at their job/ as you as if they are bums. And you see no value in helping other people out. When there is a joint expense you insist on strict 50-50 even if you outearn everyone. You try to control how other people spend their money based on how worthy you think they are. Within the family you pick favorites to spend your money on.

I have seen this time and time again with my rich bothers. They insist that they are being cheated if the poorest sibling doesn’t contribute exactly the same as they do. meanwhile I (an average earner) am quietly sending money to the relatives who need it because I care about them and trust them. They make huge drama over things that would cost them literally one fancy meal to resolve.

DP.

Now I know how my entitled relatives feel!

You phrase this as your brothers being cheap, but I suspect you think they should shut up, write blank checks, and ask no questions when someone demands something - you know, like lunch.

And the reason they probably don’t “trust” relatives is because they’ve been burned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

By adulthood, those of us who have saved a few pennies are experts at detecting entitled bums who think they deserve the good life of champagne and caviar just because.

Yeah no, the problem is you treat everyone who you think isn’t as rich/good at their job/ as you as if they are bums. And you see no value in helping other people out. When there is a joint expense you insist on strict 50-50 even if you outearn everyone. You try to control how other people spend their money based on how worthy you think they are. Within the family you pick favorites to spend your money on.

I have seen this time and time again with my rich bothers. They insist that they are being cheated if the poorest sibling doesn’t contribute exactly the same as they do. meanwhile I (an average earner) am quietly sending money to the relatives who need it because I care about them and trust them. They make huge drama over things that would cost them literally one fancy meal to resolve.

DP.

Now I know how my entitled relatives feel!

You phrase this as your brothers being cheap, but I suspect you think they should shut up, write blank checks, and ask no questions when someone demands something - you know, like lunch.

And the reason they probably don’t “trust” relatives is because they’ve been burned.

Yeah, the whole "send money to relatives who need it". If it's cousin John whose kid has cancer, that's one thing. But we all also have that relative who always "needs" money because they have an addiction or other issue and that just becomes enabling.

If you're constantly sending money to people, maybe take a look at that.