Birthday Parties Too Much Work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post title is asking about "too much work" re: bday parties, but youre not asking about a conventional kid party at your house or the nearby Sky Zone.

You're talking about a formal bday party for your kid??
"Formal" as in a quincera?

Skyzone, bounce house, etc. not just in your backyard with mostly family and two neighborhood kids. Clearly everyone else knows what I was referring to.

NP. I didn’t know because I don’t know anyone who throws “formal” bday parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post title is asking about "too much work" re: bday parties, but youre not asking about a conventional kid party at your house or the nearby Sky Zone.

You're talking about a formal bday party for your kid??
"Formal" as in a quincera?

Skyzone, bounce house, etc. not just in your backyard with mostly family and two neighborhood kids. Clearly everyone else knows what I was referring to.

NP. I didn’t know because I don’t know anyone who throws “formal” bday parties.

Another NP. Yes, the OP's post was extremely unclear; no, "everyone" did not know what she was referring to at all. Most people would not describe Skyzone or similar kid-venue parties as "formal" like she did, so that was confusing and misleading. And kid-venue parties are not onerous because other than making a guest list and sending out some evites, the venue usually handles most everything. I thought she meant something else too.

[Anonymous]

The onerous part of kid part venues is the $500-1000 price tag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel really bad if my party doesn't look pinterest worthy. Like it was a gift grab. We always do at home birthday parties since I have a large yard, sometimes hire entertainers, massive water slides, and a large basement party room (1000 sq ft that's almost empty).

I spend a lot and I think it's a great party, but I think people see a home birthday party invite and don't want to come. We invited the whole Pre-K class for my dd and only 3 came. She was pretty devastated. I definitely felt burnt out after that and she cried when her friends didn't show.

💩 💩

[Anonymous]

I have an only and he loves having a big birthday party. He has a large group of friends and he is invited to all of their parties so all these kids get invited to his party. I do a venue because we live in a row house in the city without a usable backyard. I've done a couple of Skyzone type parties and for the last two years he has wanted a sports themed party. He has a March birthday so I needed to find an indoor sports field, which I found out in MD.

He tells me what he wants and I provide it within reason.

[Anonymous]

We have never done a big party at a venue for our 8 year old. We have done small group parties this way (2 or 3 friends at the children's museum, for instance). We've done a couple park parties, and we've also done family only parties a few times.

I always ask my DD what she wants and we try to make it happen. We've never done an all-class party.

I think kids' birthday parties are kind of a racket, tbh. We've been to many, many kids parties over the years, some with venues and/or entertainment and lots of decor and effort, and others low key in homes or at parks with more minimal offerings. I do not think the kids care. Really, I don't. They care about having time and space to play, getting cake and other fun food (pizza or similar), feeling special that it's their birthday.

I think the main appeal of venue parties is that it's easy -- you pay and the venue handles everything or tells you explicitly what you need to bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The onerous part of kid part venues is the $500-1000 price tag.

As someone who could not afford that for years, that is in fact the onerous part. It was really stressful for a few years there when it seemed like everyone else was doing these venue parties and we couldn't afford it. We would host smaller parties but I can tell sometimes the kids have very specific expectations (because they are so used to doing the venue parties so a party in a backyard or at a park without that level of entertainment doesn't seem right to them). We would also feel guilty letting our kid go to the venue parties when we could never host one. The whole thing sucked and I hated it, so I was really glad when the venue parties died off and instead kids do small group parties, usually with some kind of outing (roller skating, movie, etc.). That's generally less expensive than the venues because you are just hosting a small group of kids.

I wish the default for little kid parties was: local park of backyard, pizza or other easy and simple food, cake, kids run around and play. The venue parties are such a burden when you are on a tight budget. I don't care what rich people do but we are in a middle class neighborhood and I resent that this is where the culture has gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think my biggest point of stress is attendance. How many people will RSVP and even then how many of them will actually show up? How much food should I get? Will my child be sad if only 2 people show up? Is this even worth it? We’ve moved around a lot, so maybe other people here have a strong social network and don’t have this anxiety?

I have that anxiety, and we once attended a preschool birthday party where my kid was the only one who showed up, although others had RSVP'd yes and there was tons and tons of food. The birthday kid and my kid had fun and were little enough that it didn't really matter to them so no harm done. My kids are older now so we usually check with a couple close friends on date/time beforehand for my tween, and my teen coordinates with her friends on her own. So it gets better with less angst but I still don't like doing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think my biggest point of stress is attendance. How many people will RSVP and even then how many of them will actually show up? How much food should I get? Will my child be sad if only 2 people show up? Is this even worth it? We’ve moved around a lot, so maybe other people here have a strong social network and don’t have this anxiety?

We have thrown a lot of parties and they have always been well attended. Even when we were brand new, my shy quiet kid had a well attended event. My kids birthdays are in Feb and March.

The only very poorly attended party I have been was when it was on a holiday weekend and another kid in the class had a party the same day.

[Anonymous]

OP do you have an executive functioning issue? It’s not hard if you use a venue. And just text a few close friends’ moms and see if they can commit and build the party around that date. Why is this so onerous?

[Anonymous]

Only child, and we've done it every year 2nd through 5th grade. Prior to 2nd was height of covid and we did a virtual party one year and just family one year.

At this age moving forward I don't anticipate it being full class but will still plan for 5 or 6 friends to do things like arcade, bowling, laser tag, escape room, climbing gym, etc.

If i had more than one kid perhaps I would feels different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think my biggest point of stress is attendance. How many people will RSVP and even then how many of them will actually show up? How much food should I get? Will my child be sad if only 2 people show up? Is this even worth it? We’ve moved around a lot, so maybe other people here have a strong social network and don’t have this anxiety?

We have thrown a lot of parties and they have always been well attended. Even when we were brand new, my shy quiet kid had a well attended event. My kids birthdays are in Feb and March.

The only very poorly attended party I have been was when it was on a holiday weekend and another kid in the class had a party the same day.

This can depend on school and community norms. My kid attended two different elementary schools. At the first one, few kids attended the birthday parties we threw (we always had plenty of other kids from other settings so it was okay). We also almost never got birthday party invites at that school. I can only think of one party she was invited to, in four years of attendance? At the second school, like 90% of the kids invited came to the party, including some that my kid barely knew, and she was invited to like 14 parties that first year (after that it quieted down a bit because older kids do smaller parties, but always 5 or 6 a year).

Some school communities just do not have birthday party culture. I suspect many families at our old school just did family parties or maybe their kid invited a handful of other kids from school but only close friends. Nothing we did changed from the first school to the second -- same sorts of parties, same time of year, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel really bad if my party doesn't look pinterest worthy. Like it was a gift grab. We always do at home birthday parties since I have a large yard, sometimes hire entertainers, massive water slides, and a large basement party room (1000 sq ft that's almost empty).

I spend a lot and I think it's a great party, but I think people see a home birthday party invite and don't want to come. We invited the whole Pre-K class for my dd and only 3 came. She was pretty devastated. I definitely felt burnt out after that and she cried when her friends didn't show.

Oh that is terrible. This has also been my fear that people would not show up, so I do everything I can to get good attendance. I am known to thrown really well attended birthday parties at home...and thankfully, I have never, ever had people not show up. Usually, 99% of guests who said "yes" will show up. And 2/3 of invitees would respond "yes" if I sent my invitation 4-6 weeks before the event.

I always did the following
- Always have a core group of my people in each party, who I knew would come to the party and who were tasked with helping with small tasks to make the party flow well.

- Alway include parents and siblings, because it is logistically easier for one parent to take all their children and go to a party where food, drinks and entertainment is assured on a weekend.

- Send the invites early and in at least two different formats, with a couple reminders, I used to sent paper invites and evites. This required that I had access to the full contact list of parents at the beginning of the school year (and there are ways to get those too).
(I also tracked and would call people who have not responded to get their "yes" or "no". Finally, the day of the party - Send a TEXT with directions to your home as well as timing, because trust me, the dads who are bringing the kids to the party are not organized and they have no idea where they are going.

- Explain in the invite what will be served (Pizza and nuggets, icecream, cake, hot lunch, wine/beer for adults, nut-free, vegan options). Don't cheapen out by having the birthday at an odd hour so that you do not have to feed people. Also explain what entertainment will be in place (face painting, petting zoo, magic show). Strict timings also.

- Have some paid entertainment. Goody bags for all (even siblings), photo props and lots of space.

- Advertise in the invite what the food and entertainment will be, so the invitees can decide if your party is worth it or not. Give timelines (and dress-code if needed) and adhere to it.

- End the party at the right time - leaving the kids thirsting for more. Do not wait for them to crash. I never allowed the "open the presents in front of people" because it is very boring for many people.

- Cut the cake early in the party and just before the entertainment (clown, magic show) begins and use it as a photo opportunity. This ensures that the kids are not yet crazy, everyone is looking great, lots of pictures, blowing out the candle is out of the way, the clown is also part of the picture, and your house does not yet have food and paper plates all over the place. Those kids who want to leave early have already witnessed the cake cutting and sung happy birthday etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big whole class bdays until 1st grade.

Then 2nd grade on, smaller bdays with a small group of friends.

DS is now finishing 6th and same plan until high school graduation.

My oldest is in first and this is what we are doing. We only do immediate family until 4 then 4-7 it’s the entire class (max 22 kids). Starting at 8 it’s going to be 3-7 close friends. I imagine starting in middle school we will not be wanted at all, which is totally fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The onerous part of kid part venues is the $500-1000 price tag.

As someone who could not afford that for years, that is in fact the onerous part. It was really stressful for a few years there when it seemed like everyone else was doing these venue parties and we couldn't afford it. We would host smaller parties but I can tell sometimes the kids have very specific expectations (because they are so used to doing the venue parties so a party in a backyard or at a park without that level of entertainment doesn't seem right to them). We would also feel guilty letting our kid go to the venue parties when we could never host one. The whole thing sucked and I hated it, so I was really glad when the venue parties died off and instead kids do small group parties, usually with some kind of outing (roller skating, movie, etc.). That's generally less expensive than the venues because you are just hosting a small group of kids.

I wish the default for little kid parties was: local park of backyard, pizza or other easy and simple food, cake, kids run around and play. The venue parties are such a burden when you are on a tight budget. I don't care what rich people do but we are in a middle class neighborhood and I resent that this is where the culture has gone.

Well if OP said cost I think most would find that understandable. She made it sound like it was a huge amount of effort.

Parks are great but personally I have two kids with winter birthdays.

We have done venues but I'd say at least 1/3 of the parties at our preschool are parks. Kids have a blast. Most are spring or fall and I think the parents who get those gorgeous weather days are so lucky. No one is stopping you from having the party you want. Little kids love it all.