Can’t wrap my head around this.

[Anonymous]

A lot of men only care about their kids so long as they are with their wife. Case in point, all the men who ignore their kids from their first marriage after they remarry. It’s terribly sad. I’m glad to be a woman and to have girls.

[Anonymous]

Make men ashamed to walk out on their families again.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want a family. You can't make him want a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind at all, it solves a lot of custody problems. Your goal is to get the most money out of him, including guarantees for college, and the least custody hassle.

He might meet someone in the next few years, have more kids, suddenly get hit with the reality of college costs and find ways to wriggle out of them. So perhaps get a lump sum now just for that. My son's private university is now in the 90K+ (thank goodness he has merit aid). In-state flagship costs more than 30K.

This.

So many women on here would love to be in your situation. Be grateful he is not fighting you for custody and focus on a strategy to extract as many resources as possible from him now for his children before he has others.

But the real benefit is him not being around. Kids shuffling between house every week is such a nightmare. I’m forever grateful that my mother got full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men only care about their kids so long as they are with their wife. Case in point, all the men who ignore their kids from their first marriage after they remarry. It’s terribly sad. I’m glad to be a woman and to have girls.

These same men will fall over themselves doting on the kids of the woman they’re currently banging.

[Anonymous]

While I cannot pretend to understand it, and it makes me incredibly sad for our kids, I am incredibly grateful that XH didn’t want much custody and rarely takes all of what he does have. He moved far enough away to remove himself from our day to day lives, presumably so he could focus on starting over without the specter of his old life haunting him. None of it is what I wanted, but I’ve made the best of his terrible decisions.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this will work out best for you. He sounds like the type that would be far away mentally and emotionally even if he lived across the street. To me...that would be worse. Your life will be saner with him out of the picture basically. Get your child support. Get your college funds. Get your custody. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common in Texas where you pay the same child support whether you get 50% custody or zero.

Smoked out the dudes who don’t parent…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men only care about their kids so long as they are with their wife. Case in point, all the men who ignore their kids from their first marriage after they remarry. It’s terribly sad. I’m glad to be a woman and to have girls.

These same men will fall over themselves doting on the kids of the woman they’re currently banging.

Yep!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want a family. You can't make him want a family.

This

[Anonymous]

I'm a man and I find this behavior shockingly common and borderline incomprehensible. Some pretty nice guys do it.

Some pretty nice women also take their kids away from their father's, but that's different, though still selfish, since they keep the kids close by when they move.

I do empathize with the misery of the men. I was miserable. The loneliness and feeling of living a mostly wasted life are awful. I still stuck around until the kids went to college.

[Anonymous]

Some divorced parents barely see their kids during the school year but become full time parents in the summer. I'm not a fan of this arrangement but I've seen it. It usually results in a mediocre relationship between the father and the kids.

[Anonymous]

I always wonder what these men were like as dads before the split. Were they really able to connect with their kids? Were they faking it all along? Do you look back and realize they were lays superficial in their love for their family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wonder what these men were like as dads before the split.

Were they really able to connect with their kids? NO, NEVER

Were they faking it all along? YES

Do you look back and realize they were always superficial in their love for their family? YES, all talk, zero real emotions, care or understanding. Checking boxes.

Also realized their fathers were the same. Performative and shallow in public, Absent and shallow at home in private (no guests)

See above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men only care about their kids so long as they are with their wife. Case in point, all the men who ignore their kids from their first marriage after they remarry. It’s terribly sad. I’m glad to be a woman and to have girls.

These same men will fall over themselves doting on the kids of the woman they’re currently banging.

Exactly.

Sorry OP. Maybe he will realize he wants to be there for his kids eventually, or maybe he won't. Either way he's probably super excited to get some strange and that's apparently more important to him.