Teen daughter refusing to go to school

[Anonymous]

Two of my daughter's friends were a bit like this. One had extreme anxiety and probably some depression and her mom just let her miss school all the time and eventually, she just started going back to school. She did see a therapist as did her mom.

The other went to school, but didn't care about her classes and was failing most of them, spent most of high school partying, sleeping and watching tv. After high school, she is now redoing/upgrading her high school courses.

Both of these families had older typical university path kids, so maybe they felt more confident to just let these kids be? I would have found this very stressful and like I needed to fix it. But ultimately, both of these young ladies are doing well now and seem to have just needed to make their own choices and live them out.

I do agree that she needs to get a job. Working a lower level job is a great way to realize they actually may want an education, and if they work with other teens and young adults, the conversations around uni and upgrading seemed to be quite motivating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn’t like going to school, would she still like getting a job?

She wouldn’t and would refuse to do any outside activities or classes at a CC, unless they areconline, which makes me hesitant. However, we’ll be meeting with her counselor, and I plan to meet with a therapist in the meantime for support.

If that’s the case, than an alternative school would probably be a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Wheres the other parent?
Why are you making her breakfast?
Does she plan to obtain her GED?

[Anonymous]

Truancy is a crime.
In Virginia and Maryland there are multiple repercussions for parents:

Fines: Fines can range from small amounts to over $1,000, often escalating with repeated offenses.

Court Proceedings: Parents may be required to attend court hearings and comply with court-ordered intervention plans.

Jail Time: In extreme or repeated cases, parents can face jail time, according to.
Mandatory Programs: Courts may order parents to attend parenting classes or counseling.

Your DD's HS should be contacting you and let you know CPS and or a truancy officer will be coming around to document her absences and to discuss the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Military school. Tell her she can decide between attending regular school, or she can go to a military school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn’t like going to school, would she still like getting a job?

She wouldn’t and would refuse to do any outside activities or classes at a CC, unless they areconline, which makes me hesitant. However, we’ll be meeting with her counselor, and I plan to meet with a therapist in the meantime for support.

She sounds like she might be in the wrong environment. I think you should let her try online learning and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

I have the same problem. My son is exactly like your daughter. We have been to multiple therapists, our pediatrician, we have tutors and life coaches; you name it, we've tried it. He goes in about once a week max. Our son's problem is anxiety - when they miss school, they get behind and then feel like they can't catch up and it feels overwhelming and uncomfortable to go back. This causes more anxiety and it's a spiral. We've recently started some medication to see if that helps. But this is epidemic in our schools. Our pediatrician said he sees a large number of kids with the same problem. I don't have a solution for you since we haven't solved our problem, but here are some ideas that have worked for other people we know - one person switched to online school. This actually worked because the kid just sat at home and did the work, and he will graduate at the end of this year. It won't work for everyone, because online school is pretty boring. Some schools have online school that they kids can actually do in a room in the school with an assistant who can help them with it. Obviously, that means they have to go to school, but check and see what options your school has (my school was useless and didn't give a single recommendation or offer anything, so if you're in fcps it's hit or miss). Some other kids have gone to alternative high schools because the late hours worked better for them. Another possibility is to drop any advanced courses and take only gen ed. These courses are so easy that most kids can pass them without really going to school much.

Please post if something works for you. Just know you're not alone. And ignore the hateful comments from people saying it's your fault. They have no idea what they are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truancy is a crime.
In Virginia and Maryland there are multiple repercussions for parents:

Fines: Fines can range from small amounts to over $1,000, often escalating with repeated offenses.

Court Proceedings: Parents may be required to attend court hearings and comply with court-ordered intervention plans.

Jail Time: In extreme or repeated cases, parents can face jail time, according to.
Mandatory Programs: Courts may order parents to attend parenting classes or counseling.

Your DD's HS should be contacting you and let you know CPS and or a truancy officer will be coming around to document her absences and to discuss the consequences.

This rarely happens with high school kids. In fact, I've never heard of it happening at all. And I'm a teacher.

[Anonymous]

I recommend getting blood work checked as well in addition to counselling. In addition to possible anxiety, depression, etc have them check vitamin d, b , iron levels etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truancy is a crime.
In Virginia and Maryland there are multiple repercussions for parents:

Fines: Fines can range from small amounts to over $1,000, often escalating with repeated offenses.

Court Proceedings: Parents may be required to attend court hearings and comply with court-ordered intervention plans.

Jail Time: In extreme or repeated cases, parents can face jail time, according to.
Mandatory Programs: Courts may order parents to attend parenting classes or counseling.

Your DD's HS should be contacting you and let you know CPS and or a truancy officer will be coming around to document her absences and to discuss the consequences.

This rarely happens with high school kids. In fact, I've never heard of it happening at all. And I'm a teacher.

+1. Another HS teacher here. Virtual classes, homebound services, homeschool, dual enrollment and community college exist at this age. Or any combination of the above. There are options and no one is taking these parents to court for truancy for a teen this age.

Hopefully your meeting goes well with the counselor. She just needs the diploma and there are options. The schools generally want to help and if not, look at the other alternatives mentioned to help her get the diploma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol 😂 you're literally causing this. why are you making her breakfast?!

She doesn’t do anything for herself, she won’t eat proper food, if I don’t make her anything to eat.

She will figure it out. She won't die

[Anonymous]

My son had school refusal. I ended up applying to private schools and essentially got him to buy in on a new environment. I understand not every family can go this route, but for our family it was the right choice because it got him back to school and back on track for learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had school refusal. I ended up applying to private schools and essentially got him to buy in on a new environment. I understand not every family can go this route, but for our family it was the right choice because it got him back to school and back on track for learning.

Yes exactly. It could just be the wrong environment. Try different learning situations if possible—one better suited to your iid’s personality and learning style. There are a lot more options nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapist, screen for depression.

What does she do all night, if she sleeps during the day? Is she up/out at night?

My daughter refuses to see a therapist. She doesn’t sleep all night, she wakes up to eat and then sleeps till 12pm-1pm, and goes to bed at 11 or 12. She doesn’t go out because she doesn’t have many freinds.

Circle up with the school.
Look into homeschooling and online school, if she might be willing to do school between noon and midnight.

[Anonymous]

Does she have her license yet?