Teen daughter refusing to go to school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapist, screen for depression.

What does she do all night, if she sleeps during the day? Is she up/out at night?

This! I am sorry you and your daughter are experiencing this. wish you and your family lots of luck!

[Anonymous]

🙄 Troll, you’ve already posted some variation of this recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with others. Allowing her to get a job is allowing her to win. She must go to school. How were her grades in school? Have you talked to the counselor yet? What is her plan in life? Is the father in the picture?

She did well academically. I’ve already spoken with the counselor, and we have a meeting scheduled for next week. She’s capable of succeeding, but she strongly prefers being at home—the school environment just feels overwhelming to her. Her dad and I are married, but he’s frequently busy and not home much.

[Anonymous]

Post on the SN forum. Lots of us there have had kids with school refusal. It’s not as easy as just forcing them to go or seeing a therapist.

Having a meeting with the school counselor is the first step, which is what you are doing. Many good ones will work with you. Some will help you develop a plan to work with your kid to get them back in school.

My kid ultimately finished through a virtual school, was able to get a job during that time and is going to college, away, now. It’s not all terrible if they need to stop and work but this took years of work to get to this point. Forcing school at the worst of refusal would have backfired for us. We worked with a therapist and the school counselor.

[Anonymous]

"and does whatever she can."

What can she do?

What do YOU do all day at home?

She can homeschool if she wants.

[Anonymous]

I would treat this as an emergency because the longer she’s out the harder it’s gonna be to get her to go back. I would find a therapist that specializes in school refusal and meet with them to see what they suggest and then follow their advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"and does whatever she can."

What can she do?

What do YOU do all day at home?

She can homeschool if she wants.

I don't think homeschooling is the right fit for her. I'm worried it might make her feel even more isolated and she could end up staying home all the time. We're planning to talk to the counselor and see what other options might be available. Right now, she spends a lot of time doing random things, looking at old photos, taking long showers, or playing with her sister’s DIY kits and making bracelets. After she eats breakfast and goes back to bed, I head off to work.

[Anonymous]

Have her finish the year, then a virtual school.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she will need to enroll in the GED and get a job at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I am a hs teacher and a lot of schools are really chaotic and overwhelming for some kids. I can understand why your daughter would not want to go. Talk to your daughter about finishing this year strong (maybe bribe her with a summer trip) and then research virtual options for next year. She does online school and gets a job (this way she is still interacting with people). Duel enrollment classes may be another option she would enjoy. She takes most classes at the community college (a much more mature group) and gets both college and hs credits. I know a lot of kids who ended up graduating hs with their associates degree

[Anonymous]

1. I’d immediately find a therapist with her cooperation.
2. Consider a cyber school, will she try it?
3. Don’t go the job or military route, unless you are prepared to launch her asap. She can’t work FT and live at home- unless she pays rent.
Ultimately, make it clear that she has to either go to school, or start working FT or join military. Which of those sounds easier to her?

[Anonymous]

She needs to finish high school online. Your school should should work with you to set her up for dual-enrollment online and/or summer school. Juniors and Seniors sometimes choose this route so it is possible.

It's not really an option to say "she doesn't like school but online school isn't a fit because it's isolating." She IS home isolated. There is no change there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a hs teacher and a lot of schools are really chaotic and overwhelming for some kids. I can understand why your daughter would not want to go. Talk to your daughter about finishing this year strong (maybe bribe her with a summer trip) and then research virtual options for next year. She does online school and gets a job (this way she is still interacting with people). Duel enrollment classes may be another option she would enjoy. She takes most classes at the community college (a much more mature group) and gets both college and hs credits. I know a lot of kids who ended up graduating hs with their associates degree

Agree with the dual enrollment idea. A good virtual/cyber school will have tons of in person activities for the students, so she could work just a few hours a week.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t like going to school, would she still like getting a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn’t like going to school, would she still like getting a job?

She wouldn’t and would refuse to do any outside activities or classes at a CC, unless they areconline, which makes me hesitant. However, we’ll be meeting with her counselor, and I plan to meet with a therapist in the meantime for support.