People wanting to tag along on trips

[Anonymous]

"Hey Larla, please let your in-laws know that the trip has already been planned for a maximum of 4 people and it will be impossible to size it up to include more people. Tell them that we will consider including them in our next trip to Japan should we choose to return. I do not want any misunderstandings about this. They need to know they cannot come on this trip."

[Anonymous]

It’s annoying bc the other people aren’t self sufficient. We actually just went on an intl trip and 2 other families ended up coming too. We stayed in different hotels and met up for dinner, and did one side trip together. We all booked our own tickets. It was very fun but mostly worked bc no expectation to do stuff together.

[Anonymous]

Hell to the no. No, no, no. Whatever you can do to shut this down, do it.

[Anonymous]

You will be the third wheel on your own vacation. Tell her to plan with her side of the family for another time. She can use her experience on this trip to help them plan for another time.

I'm actually a fan of big extended family trips too, but that is not what you signed up for here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're working yourself up for a situation that hasn't happened. There are a ton of times family or friends have made remarks about joining us on vacation but never follow through.

I tend to think this way, but I would definitely refuse any hopes and dreams if they start to develop. It's strange that people so distant from the situation would even think about inviting themselves on your trip. If they can afford to travel and are interested, why can't they book their own trip and ask your sister for suggestions on things to do while they're there?

[Anonymous]

I would tell my sister- that's fine, but we won't be traveling together - shed be solely responsible for them. We'll get dinner one night but not coordinating plans.

[Anonymous]

OP, you tell your sister that you do not want others to join. You tell her that you envisioned this trip and planned this trip as a special way for you and she to spend sister time together with just the two of you and your spouses. You tell her that maybe another time there can be a group trip but this time there is no way you want to travel with anyone but her and her husband.

You tell her all this firmly and uncompromisingly. That gives her ammunition to go back to the others and tell them, “My sister let me know that this is a trip she wanted to spend with just me, as sisters, and it means a lot to her that we do this. So maybe next time we can do a bigger group trip somewhere, but it’s not going to work out for Japan this time.”

You be firm, which will let her be firm. Do not expand the group AT ALL. These other people are friggin’ PUSHY!

[Anonymous]

I’m always amazed when people are able to walk around without a spine.

[Anonymous]

I would nip this in the bud right now and say No. Sounds like a complete nightmare. I have traveled extensively and planned every trip my family and extended family has ever taken, along with several family/friends trips. No way I would take this on.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you need to nip this in the bud.
My parents planned a trip with their kids and grandkids for their 50th and my cousin threw a complete tantrum that she wasn’t invited. My aunt called me urging me to invite her and that she’d pay her own way. It had nothing to do with the money but I know what she’s like traveling! I just said no and things have been tense since.

[Anonymous]

Japan is not the place for a first foreign trip. Nor the place for a large group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we encounter this scenario. First I say, the trip is planned for two couples. Plane reservations, taxis, car rentals, tours, restaurant reservations, etc. It's too difficult to make the changes at this point.. It just won't work out. Maybe another time

Obviously they may decide to plan a parallel trip, in which case I send my itinerary and say " this is what I'm doing". If you aren't interested, can't get reservations, etc, each group can do their own thing. Maybe we have breakfast or cocktails together at hotel (if they get reservations there)

I do my best not to share trip info unnecessarily. Obviously, difficult with family. My SIL once had a mini meltdown over restaurant choices part way through an already planned trip she and my brother joined. I had sent the list of where we were eating, offered to add them to the reservations, and told them..in writing!.. that if it wasn't to their taste we didn't all have to eat together every night. The original two couples had planned the trip around certain restaurants. It was part of our reason for going. She's easy to travel with only if you are willing to prioritize her wishes.

This would be my plan. Assuming I do not dislike these people. Make no efforts for them but share your itinerary. I just planned a trip for 10 intentionally but 4 would have been so much easier. I’ve also given my itinerary to a friend who decided to join us part of the time, which was fine since they knew they could join where they want but I’m not catering to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're working yourself up for a situation that hasn't happened. There are a ton of times family or friends have made remarks about joining us on vacation but never follow through.

Yes. This.

You can easily say - “Not on this trip because everything has already been baked”.

[Anonymous]

I don't discuss trips until after I get back and don't even travel with family outside of wife & kid.

If I were in your shoes, I would share itinerary with most expensive hotels, activities, options for transportation etc. Plus a suggested dress code for each. Make them not want to travel with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. It's not going to happen.
2. If it does, no worries, it's not possible to go around Japan as a large group unless you hire a touring company and get arrangements made for a large group. Otherwise you will end up doing stuff in groups of 4 because that's how it works.

- Japanese.

This. Large parties are just not done there.