Divorced women - how is your love life today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Zero. I don’t have time I’ve been divorced for six years and I’m in my late 40s. I have a regular job and I also have a side business and I have two kids technically it’s 50-50 custody, but I’m really doing most of it. I don’t have time to date nor do I have the interest men have only complicated in my life made it terrible. When I feel like seeing someone, I see a 30 year-old, but it’s temporary and it’s just physical and yes, it is exclusive (until he finds someone he wants to marry), but I wouldn’t call it a love life.

So if you don't have time for a relationship post-divorce, does that mean you didn't have time for DH while you were married?

Not much has changed. We had no relationship, barely spoke, and I did all the parenting. No sex 7 out of 10 years (low t on his end; I was trapped geographically and had zero interest).

[Anonymous]

And it should not be surprising the divorced women have much less time being forced than married. I didn’t have a side business at this level like I do now when I was married( I had to make more money.

I had very little time when I was married because I was working and raising the kids, but now I have even less time — I am working even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And it should not be surprising the divorced women have much less time being forced than married. I didn’t have a side business at this level like I do now when I was married( I had to make more money.

I had very little time when I was married because I was working and raising the kids, but now I have even less time — I am working even more.

funny, I have so much MORE time, because now exDH has the kids 40% of the time AND I dont have to baby him. But I was already working FT and making half the income (as well as doing most of the home stuff), so I didn’t have to amp that up.

But to answer OP’s question, I love my life but not because of my love life. I have a ton of friends that I can actually find time for (when kids are with the ex), time for more rest, exercise, hobbies, and other self care. I have found dating to be hit or miss but I am very happy this way and not looking to get bogged down with another relationship. I’m dating a good guy now but we can only manage about every other weekend together because of our kids. I’m a little worried that he’ll want more of my time than I’m willing to give once they are in college!

[Anonymous]

I would like to be in another marriage one day if I find the right person. But for now, as pp said, I have so much time for me, sex is easy to get, and I am happy! I love my friends, my clean house, and the massive amount of peace that now fills my home.

The only part I don’t like is missing out on so much with my kids. But, the divorce wasn’t my choice anyway, so I’m focusing on what I do have, which is a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married to my AP. Ten years later. Not saying it was easy, any of it. But the sex is incredible.

After 10 years I would hope there's more to your relationship than great sex. Doesn't sound like it!

let her enjoy what she values in her life, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating brings no value. It’s just another person sucking up all your energy and constantly talking about their needs.

Get a toy and travel, get hobbies, hang with friends.

When women are sick guess who cares for them … friends. Guess who supports them … friends. Guess who understands them … friends. Guess who doesn’t get annoyed by the time they spend with children and grand children… friends.

friends don't do the same for me as a companion would. People who always bank of friends maybe never had true love in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating brings no value. It’s just another person sucking up all your energy and constantly talking about their needs.

Get a toy and travel, get hobbies, hang with friends.

When women are sick guess who cares for them … friends. Guess who supports them … friends. Guess who understands them … friends. Guess who doesn’t get annoyed by the time they spend with children and grand children… friends.

friends don't do the same for me as a companion would. People who always bank of friends maybe never had true love in life.

That’s one condescending comment. You should have left that last sentence out. Maybe the PPs would say to you - you must have never had truly great friends.

[Anonymous]

I always wonder how many of the "never remarry" women who post here have alimony from their ex that would terminate if they remarried. I really feel like they should disclose this when arguing that life is just as good for divorced women with or without a husband who has similar or great financial resources. And women whose family will leave them a sizeable inheritance post-divorce should also disclose that. I am a professional woman with a high income and divorced. Even so, my financial situation was significantly improved when I remarried. It's simple math. Two can live better on two similarly sized nest eggs than one person on one nest egg. But then again, I didn't qualify for alimony since I earned more than enough to support myself and children after my divorce.

[Anonymous]

It's mixed. It's definitely been easier dating than I thought it would be. I attract successful, attractive men, even those 10-15 years younger than me.

But, at the end of the day, men are men. And I've found I don't actually like most men all that much. Attracted to them, yes. But like them, feel safe around them, etc? Not really. They don't add very much to my life anymore besides sex, and I'm hoping I'll lose interest in that after menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I always wonder how many of the "never remarry" women who post here have alimony from their ex that would terminate if they remarried. I really feel like they should disclose this when arguing that life is just as good for divorced women with or without a husband who has similar or great financial resources. And women whose family will leave them a sizeable inheritance post-divorce should also disclose that. I am a professional woman with a high income and divorced. Even so, my financial situation was significantly improved when I remarried. It's simple math. Two can live better on two similarly sized nest eggs than one person on one nest egg. But then again, I didn't qualify for alimony since I earned more than enough to support myself and children after my divorce.

I am the PP who said I am not looking to get bogged down in another relationship. No alimony, frankly got lucky that I didn’t have to pay it. I make enough to do the things I want to do (within reason!). I understand that some somer would need this financial security of doubling up, but some I can afford what I need would never do it just to have better accoutrements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating brings no value. It’s just another person sucking up all your energy and constantly talking about their needs.

Get a toy and travel, get hobbies, hang with friends.

When women are sick guess who cares for them … friends. Guess who supports them … friends. Guess who understands them … friends. Guess who doesn’t get annoyed by the time they spend with children and grand children… friends.

friends don't do the same for me as a companion would. People who always bank of friends maybe never had true love in life.

If you had true love, this thread would be irrelevant to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I always wonder how many of the "never remarry" women who post here have alimony from their ex that would terminate if they remarried. I really feel like they should disclose this when arguing that life is just as good for divorced women with or without a husband who has similar or great financial resources. And women whose family will leave them a sizeable inheritance post-divorce should also disclose that. I am a professional woman with a high income and divorced. Even so, my financial situation was significantly improved when I remarried. It's simple math. Two can live better on two similarly sized nest eggs than one person on one nest egg. But then again, I didn't qualify for alimony since I earned more than enough to support myself and children after my divorce.

I am the PP who said I am not looking to get bogged down in another relationship. No alimony, frankly got lucky that I didn’t have to pay it. I make enough to do the things I want to do (within reason!). I understand that some somer would need this financial security of doubling up, but some I can afford what I need would never do it just to have better accoutrements.

I’m in the “never remarry” camp. No alimony. I was the higher earner. I’m already retired, have enough for my desired lifestyle, and am not planning my life based on any inheritance, though I will probably get something. I have no interest in sharing what I have or making the compromises that a marriage requires, even if it were to provide an improved financial situation.

Like another PP, I don’t really like men much at this point in my life other than as part of my friend group or for sex. I have a lover that serves that role. I don’t want more from him. I don’t even think of him as a “boyfriend.” I imagine I will stop being interested in sex sometime soonish, since I’m close to 60. Right now, having a sex life is all I want for my “love life.”

[Anonymous]

I'm in the never remarry camp and do not receive alimony.

I make enough and live very comfortably. The man I've been dating is in the top 1% and I won't marry him. Living a dignified peaceful life is worth more to me than material wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And it should not be surprising the divorced women have much less time being forced than married. I didn’t have a side business at this level like I do now when I was married( I had to make more money.

I had very little time when I was married because I was working and raising the kids, but now I have even less time — I am working even more.

funny, I have so much MORE time, because now exDH has the kids 40% of the time AND I dont have to baby him. But I was already working FT and making half the income (as well as doing most of the home stuff), so I didn’t have to amp that up.

But to answer OP’s question, I love my life but not because of my love life. I have a ton of friends that I can actually find time for (when kids are with the ex), time for more rest, exercise, hobbies, and other self care. I have found dating to be hit or miss but I am very happy this way and not looking to get bogged down with another relationship. I’m dating a good guy now but we can only manage about every other weekend together because of our kids. I’m a little worried that he’ll want more of my time than I’m willing to give once they are in college!

My kids have demanding extracurriculars that are daily in the evenings and on weekends. I had slightly more time immediately after divorce when they were younger. Now I have zero time. I don't have time for friends. It is all work and all kids even on the days that are supposedly "off"--there are no "off days."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I always wonder how many of the "never remarry" women who post here have alimony from their ex that would terminate if they remarried. I really feel like they should disclose this when arguing that life is just as good for divorced women with or without a husband who has similar or great financial resources. And women whose family will leave them a sizeable inheritance post-divorce should also disclose that. I am a professional woman with a high income and divorced. Even so, my financial situation was significantly improved when I remarried. It's simple math. Two can live better on two similarly sized nest eggs than one person on one nest egg. But then again, I didn't qualify for alimony since I earned more than enough to support myself and children after my divorce.

I am in the "never remarry" category. I don't receive alimony or child support. I am never giving a man control over my life in a marriage or .50 of every dollar I earn EVER again. I would have been better off financially and emotionally if I had never married in the first place. I will not receive a dollar of inheritance.